After Luke, a former Head of Podcasts, literally forgot to hit record on last week's catch-up, the lads are forced to dial in and try again.

Over the past week, Dan has embarked on a new weight-loss journey. Unfortunately, this health kick primarily involves him getting completely naked in the communal swimming baths and eating bread pudding at midnight.

Meanwhile, Luke is convinced he’s stumbled across a former colleague on a highly questionable Polish adult site.

Plus, the boys discuss transvestites, ‘Slag-atha Christie’, fingerless gloves, and whether Dan could pull off having his ears pierced.

In the inaugural episode of the new format, Luke and Dan immediately set a low bar for what constitutes a podcast.

Luke recounts his failed attempt to starve himself into a tailor-made Vietnamese suit for the Grand National. Naturally, this health kick devolves into grand-scale ice cream larceny, a £250 panic-bet, and shameful train kebabs.

Meanwhile, Dan shares the highlight of his adrenaline-fuelled week: watching Saturday Kitchen.

Plus, the boys tackle the logistics of spaffing jelly beans, Hilary Devey’s abysmal taste in music, and why Kenneth Williams forced his dinner guests to defecate into Tupperware.

Luke and Dan return with their most baffling creative choice yet: a running commentary of a Celebrity MasterChef Christmas special from three years ago.

They offer zero context, hurl abuse at Gregg Wallace, and skip so many scenes that an hour-long TV episode miraculously fits into a 39-minute podcast.

The result? The sonic personification of a brain aneurysm.