Episodes

  • From Reactive to Radical: The Journey to Intentional Fatherhood with Jon Hord

    From Reactive to Radical: The Journey to Intentional Fatherhood with Jon Hord
    Jun 1 2026
    Jon Hord is the founder of the Engaged Father Project. A former high-achieving corporate VP who walked away from a 100-year-old family company after a health-induced epiphany, Jon now coaches dads to move from "reactive survival" to "radical intentionality." 5 Key Takeaways:The "Provider Trap": Connecting your value solely to your income.The "Deathbed Scenario" as a tool for major life decisions.Responding vs. Reacting: How to handle high-stress "Playbook 2" moments.Measuring backwards: Focusing on the "Gain" rather than the "Gap."The "Peace Frog": A practical tool for family feedback and emotional regulation."If you ask them, 'Hey kids... what would you rather have? A more expensive vacation, or I’m around more?'... [they'd say around more].""It is so hard for us as human beings to be aware of what’s actually going on in those moments for ourselves, because we’re just reacting.""For there to be an old dad, it means there has to be a new dad. And in that is my progress."00:00 — Excellence Is Making Smaller Corrections00:36 — Steering the Car, Not Letting It Drift01:25 — Welcome Back to Raising Men01:40 — When Providing Becomes a Trap02:28 — High Achievement at the Cost of Family03:05 — The Family Pays the Price03:58 — What Kids Really Want From Dad04:46 — The Collapse of Old Institutions05:33 — Work From Home or Work Takes Over06:15 — The Slippery Slope of Overwork07:04 — Ego, Status, and Success08:01 — When the Perks Disappear08:38 — Choosing Presence Over Prestige09:10 — Panic Attacks as a Wake-Up Call10:02 — Searching for Help in Crisis10:27 — Discovering the Sedona Method11:01 — Gaining Awareness of Inner Mechanics12:01 — From Survival Mode to Choice13:10 — Questioning the Path You’re On14:31 — Taking Time Away to Decide15:09 — The Deathbed Test16:16 — Choosing the Uncertain Path16:54 — A Partner Who Already Knew17:44 — Becoming a Life Coach18:10 — The Birth of the Engaged Father Project19:04 — You Can Engineer Your Life20:18 — The Power of Supportive People21:22 — Having the Right Partner Matters21:57 — What the Engaged Father Project Is22:45 — Parenting Is Taught Through Action23:07 — Two Playbooks for Life24:00 — Stress Reveals Who You Really Are24:41 — Defining the Dad You Want to Be25:33 — Why “Good Dad” Isn’t Good Enough26:36 — Choosing to Be an Incredible Dad27:18 — Turning Feedback Into Growth28:38 — Letting Kids Hold You Accountable29:59 — Empowering Kids to Speak Up31:04 — Defining the Standard32:24 — Measurement Creates Change33:17 — Knowing If You’re Doing It Right34:12 — Asking Kids for Honest Feedback35:17 — Measuring Progress Backwards36:23 — When Kids Notice the New You37:26 — Excellence Requires Constant Correction38:00 — Lessons From the Blue Angels39:15 — Small Corrections Beat Big Swings40:12 — Responding Instead of Reacting41:03 — Building a Community for Dads41:59 — The 30-Day Light Your Fire Challenge43:03 — Listening Creates Deeper Connection44:14 — Learning From Other Dads’ Experiments45:00 — Why the Community Is Free46:09 — One Principle of Excellent Fatherhood46:41 — Vulnerability as Strength48:04 — Authenticity Builds Real Connection49:26 — There Is No Connection Without Vulnerability50:22 — Masculinity and the Connection Gap51:01 — Why Human Connection Will Matter More52:02 — Final Reflections on Intentional Fatherhood53:06 — Closing Thoughts and CreditsBooks & Tools:The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy (mentioned) – https://becomingminimalist.com/the-gap-and-the-gain/The Sedona Method (mentioned) – https://www.sedona.com/Super Communicators by Charles Duhigg (mentioned) – https://www.charlesduhigg.com/supercommunicatorsGuest Links:Engaged Father School Community: https://www.skool.com/engaged-father-project/aboutWebsite: https://www.engagedfatherproject.com/
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    54 mins
  • Q&A: Reclaiming the Safe Harbor

    Q&A: Reclaiming the Safe Harbor
    May 28 2026
    In this mailbag edition of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson addresses two critical parenting dilemmas: emotional withholding and managing high-energy boys. Shaun unpacks the phenomenon of "emotional narrowing," explaining how rigid, fear-based discipline can inadvertently turn a home into an emotional desert. Drawing on insights from trauma-informed parenting, the episode highlights why genuine authority is built on relationship and trust rather than compliance. Later, Shaun shifts to the neurobiology of young boys, validating the developmental gaps driven by prenatal testosterone that often leave boys behind in verbal and fine motor skills. He frames rough-and-tumble play not as misbehavior, but as a biological necessity for prefrontal cortex development. Finally, fathers are challenged to abandon the "project child" mentality—the habit of catastrophizing a child's future based on current behaviors—and instead remain fully present with the child standing in front of them today.Key TakeawaysAuthority Relies on Trust, Not Control: True paternal authority is forged through relationship and safety rather than demanding high-pressure, fear-based compliance.The Trajectory of Emotional Narrowing: Shaming or stonewalling a young boy’s vulnerability causes him to narrow his emotional expression, limiting his psychological vocabulary to silence or anger.The Biological Male Development Gap: Driven by testosterone surges in the womb, boys experience a distinct biological development gap that frequently places them six to twelve months behind girls in language skills and fine motor capabilities by school age.Rowdy Play Builds the Brain's Control Center: Physical roughhousing and high-energy boundary testing are neurobiological necessities that actively develop a boy’s prefrontal cortex (the "Sherlock Holmes brain"), which is essential for long-term impulse control.Ditch the Project-Child Mentality: Parents must break the destructive habit of plotting a child's current flaws on a future timeline; fatherhood requires staying present with the boy standing in front of you right now, rather than fighting a future version you fear he might become.Chapter Markers00:01 – Introduction: Diving Back Into the Mailbag Q&A01:30 – Question 1: Unintentional Emotional Deserts & Narrowed Expressions02:40 – Moving from Control to Trust: Connection Before Correction04:15 – The Neurobiology of Emotion Coaching vs. Emotional Suppression05:45 – Question 2: Is Rowdy Behavior Biological or Socialized?07:10 – The 6-12 Month Biological Development Gap in Boys08:50 – Real-Time Boundary Testing & Shaun's Minecraft Negotiation Strategy11:15 – How Roughhouse Play Builds the "Sherlock Holmes" Prefrontal Cortex12:55 – Breaking the Consultant Trajectory Trap: Present vs. Project Parenting14:15 – Final Thoughts: Showing Up and Searching for the Answers TogetherBooks MentionedBuilding Boys: Making Sure Our Boys Turn Out Happy, Healthy, and Safe by Jennifer L.W. FinkThe New Manhood & Raising Boys by Steve BiddulphRaising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by Dr. John GottmanEmotional Intelligence by Daniel GolemanThe Male Brain & The Female Brain by Dr. Louann BrizendineFrameworks & ConceptsThe Emotional Desert: A psychological dynamic where cultural or parental shaming forces a young boy to internalize and narrow his emotional expressions down to silence or anger.Connection Before Correction: A relational rule stating that structural discipline will trigger defensiveness and withdrawal unless a baseline of felt safety and empathy is established first.The Biological Timeline Gap: The developmental reality that prenatal testosterone exposure naturally delays speech and fine motor development loops in early male brains relative to female peers.The Sherlock Holmes Brain: Shaun’s signature metaphor for the prefrontal cortex—the neurological command center governing logic, emotional regulation, and intentional impulse control.The Consultant/Graphing Trap: An analytical parenting pitfall where a parent maps a single negative childhood behavior along a linear progression curve to catastrophize who the child will be at age 26.Episode mentioned:Jennifer L.W. Fink: https://raising.men/episodes/raising-great-guys-in-a-world-that-misunderstands-males-with-jennifer-l-w-finkSteve Biddulph: https://raising.men/episodes/why-boys-are-falling-behind-and-what-we-can-do-about-it-with-steve-biddulph
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    14 mins
  • Raising Men Under Hard Circumstances with Lisa Johnson

    Raising Men Under Hard Circumstances with Lisa Johnson
    May 25 2026
    In this episode of Raising Men, Shawn sits down with Lisa Johnson, a high-conflict divorce strategist, certified domestic violence advocate, and co-founder of Been There, Got Out. After enduring a decade-long legal battle with her ex-husband—including more than 100 court appearances—Lisa transformed her painful experience into a mission to help parents navigate high-conflict divorces and protect their children from emotional harm. She shares the lessons she learned about parental alienation, emotional resilience, and how parents can stay grounded and supportive for their children even when a former partner becomes an adversary. Key TakeawaysChildren in high-conflict divorces often express anger or aggression as a fear response and a test of whether their remaining parent will stay emotionally present. Defending yourself when a child repeats accusations from the other parent can deepen the conflict, while validating their feelings helps preserve trust. Protecting children sometimes means shielding them from the legal and emotional chaos while seeking support and therapy for yourself. Consistent connection rituals—even just ten minutes of focused attention—can strengthen the parent-child bond and provide emotional security. A strong, judgment-free relationship with your child is the best long-term protection against alienation and manipulation. Top Quotes from Lisa Johnson“One of the worst things you can do when your child repeats accusations from your ex is try to correct the record immediately.” “Kids usually love both parents, so when they hear two completely different versions of the truth, it creates cognitive dissonance.” “The most important thing is building a relationship with your child where they feel they can tell you anything without being judged.” Chapter Markers00:00 — When Kids Parrot the Other Parent00:35 — Parenting Through a High-Conflict Divorce01:14 — Meet Lisa Johnson01:54 — Discovering a Double Life03:07 — Staying to Protect the “Intact Family”04:10 — “This Will Be a Really Bad Divorce”05:29 — Representing Herself in Court06:20 — When Divorce Never Really Ends07:01 — A Father Walks Away08:20 — The Fear of Father Absence08:55 — Scrambling for Support09:45 — Finding the Right Therapist for Her Son11:02 — Aggression as a Cry for Connection12:13 — Why Kids Test if You’ll Stay12:51 — Aggression as Fear Response13:45 — When the Fighting Finally Stopped14:28 — The College Battle15:35 — Financial Abuse Through the Courts16:47 — Why High-Conflict Cases Defy Logic18:15 — Why People Don’t Believe These Stories19:06 — Turning Trauma Into Advocacy19:50 — What She Would Do Differently21:54 — Why Coaching Matters in High-Conflict Cases22:12 — Avoiding Barstool Legal Advice24:05 — How Trauma Shows Up Differently in Sons25:23 — Shielding Kids From the Conflict26:41 — “She Kept It Together”27:30 — The Power of Male Role Models28:18 — A Grandfather Steps In28:47 — Debate as a Path to Belonging30:45 — When Coaches Become Father Figures31:00 — When an Ex Turns Kids Against You33:02 — How Parental Alienation Begins34:26 — Why Defending Yourself Backfires36:31 — Validating Feelings Before Facts38:07 — When Humor Becomes Avoidance39:00 — Planning Responses Before the Storm40:12 — Parenting From the Calm Brain42:28 — The 10-Minute Rule44:43 — Why Rituals Matter46:29 — Making Time Count as Kids Grow47:06 — Building a Relationship That Lasts48:59 — One Principle for Raising Strong Men50:01 — Closing ReflectionsBooks, Links, and References MentionedWhen Your Ex Turns Your Kids Against You – Lisa Johnson https://beentheregotout.com/Been There, Got Out – Support and strategy for high-conflict divorces https://beentheregotout.com/Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder – Bill Eddy https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/splittingHigh Conflict Institute – Founded by Bill Eddy https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Frameworks MentionedThe 10-Minute Rule (Child Psychiatrist Strategy) A simple method to strengthen connection with your child:Spend 10 minutes of undivided attention with your child.Let the child lead the activity.Show curiosity about their interests.Give them both control and attention.Repeat consistently to build trust and emotional security.
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    51 mins
  • Q&A: Raising a Gentleman with a Backbone

    Q&A: Raising a Gentleman with a Backbone
    May 21 2026

    In this special mailbag edition, Shaun dives deep into two core questions that surface at the very beginning of the fatherhood journey: how to establish foundational non-negotiables for raising a son of character, and how to navigate the intense emotional mirroring of toddlers.

    Relying on the collective wisdom of past guests—such as Sean Harvey, Emily Huston, Ryan North, and Paul Kix—Shaun maps out what it truly means to raise a "gentleman with a backbone." He unpacks why character must always trump performance and how true kindness serves as an expression of raw strength. Moving into the "mirror principle," Shaun breaks down the neurobiology of toddler meltdowns using the "Conan the Barbarian" vs. "Sherlock Holmes" brain framework.

    Key Takeaways

    • Excellence Through Continuous Failure: Raising a son with a backbone requires modeling that true excellence is born from effort and the willingness to get back up after failing, rather than maintaining a rigid veneer of perfection.
    • Identity Over Performance: In a culture obsessed with statistics and social media validation, fathers must anchor their son's identity in core character—what he does when no one is watching—rather than tracking external achievements.
    • Kindness is Tensile Strength: True masculinity blends raw strength with empathy and kindness. Like a bridge built with tensile strength to flex without breaking under pressure, a strong man possesses the backbone to apologize and make things right.
    • The Primal Mirror Principle: Children, especially toddlers, absorb emotional rhythms and environmental stress through mirror learning as a core survival mechanism. If a parent is vibrating with stress, the child interprets the environment as inherently unsafe.
    • De-escalating the Conan Brain: A toddler's emotional meltdown is governed entirely by the amygdala (the "Conan the Barbarian" brain). Meeting a meltdown with parental anger only introduces a second barbarian to the room, whereas staying in the prefrontal cortex ("Sherlock Holmes" brain) allows for calm, curious problem-solving.



    00:00 – Introduction: Welcome to the Mailbag Edition

    01:44 – Defining Healthy Modern Masculinity: A Gentleman with a Backbone

    02:29 – Non-Negotiables: Modeling Excellence Through Failure

    04:55 – Shifting the Focus: Character Over Performance & Kindness as Strength

    07:21 – The Mirror Principle: Decoding Your Toddler's Emotional Rhythms

    09:46 – Moving from Judgment to Curiosity & Final Parent Reflections


    Books mentioned

    • Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
    • Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
    • Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst by Robert Sapolsky

    Frameworks & Concepts

    • The Mirror Principle / Mirror Learning: The developmental process by which children subconsciously absorb behaviors, moods, and emotional rhythms via their parents' nervous systems.
    • Two-Brain Theory: A psychological metaphor contrasting the Conan the Barbarian brain (the survival-driven amygdala) with the Sherlock Holmes brain (the logical, regulating prefrontal cortex).
    • Tensile Strength Metaphor: The structural engineering concept used to describe a man's capacity to flex with life's pressures and express vulnerability without shattering.
    • Rocks in a Rock Polisher: A closing metaphor illustrating how community members and parents intentionally refine, smooth out, and polish one another through shared growth.

    Episodes mentioned:
    Sean Harvey: https://raising.men/episodes/no-perfect-dads-allowed-the-truth-about-love-and-showing-up-with-sean-harvey
    Emily Huston: https://raising.men/episodes/feminism-men-and-the-future-of-raising-strong-boys-with-emily-huston
    Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: https://raising.men/episodes/fathers-sons-and-the-lost-language-of-emotion-with-dr-gloria-vanderhorst
    Paul Kix: https://raising.men/episodes/how-storytelling-helps-us-raise-men-with-paul-kix/
    Ryan North: https://raising.men/episodes/what-trauma-informed-parenting-looks-like-at-home-with-ryan-north
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    13 mins
  • The Gap Between Ideal and Reality with Jordan Ritter Conn

    The Gap Between Ideal and Reality with Jordan Ritter Conn
    May 18 2026

    This episode of Raising Men features an intimate deep dive with Jordan Ritter Conn, a senior staff writer at The Ringer and author of the groundbreaking 2026 book, American Men. After spending five years embedded in the lives of four vastly different men, Jordan discusses the "missing roadmap" of modern masculinity and the internal struggle men face when they fail to meet inherited ideals.


    1. Key Topics Covered

    • The "Masculinity Crisis" vs. The Reality Gap: Discussion on how men don’t necessarily lack a "roadmap," but rather struggle with the internal "gap" between the cultural ideal of a man and their actual lived experience.
    • The Provider/Protector Obsession: A look at the "Joseph" vignette—how a simple car engine rattle can spiral into a man’s feeling of total inadequacy as a protector. This aligns with data showing 86% of U.S. men believe being a "provider" is a defining trait of manhood.
    • The Myth of Male Emotional Silence: Jordan rejects the idea that men are unwilling or unable to talk about feelings; instead, he argues they lack "safe spaces" free from judgment or social repercussions.
    • The "Weight" of Raising Sons: Both Shawn and Jordan share the immediate "weight" felt at the birth of their sons—a unique responsibility to prepare them for a world where traditional rites of passage have vanished.
    • The Performance of Success: Exploring "Gideon," the star athlete and West Point graduate who felt like a "trophy," illustrating how even those who "typify the ideal" still face profound internal insecurities.


    The difficulty arises when they're confronted with the ways that they don't feel like they're living up to the ideal that they're holding in their own heads.


    We need to be given like kind of a permission structure for opening up because we do kind of inherit these messages that showing any kind of vulnerability... is showing weakness.


    Ultimately I think what kind of defines our relationship to masculinity is how we kind of navigate that failure [to live up to the standard].


    00:00 - Hidden Knowledge: Seeing Childhood Through Your Son
    01:12 - Meet Jordan Ritter Conn: Author of "American Men"
    02:19 - Why Five Years? The Motivation Behind Immersive Journalism
    05:54 - The Myth of Silence: Why Men Actually Crave Deep Connection
    09:10 - Joseph’s Story: The Engine Rattle and the Protector Complex
    14:12 - The Masculinity Gap: Navigating the Failure to Meet the Ideal
    16:35 - The Weight of Fatherhood: Jordan’s Personal Shift
    20:43 - The Missing Roadmap: Rebuilding Modern Rites of Passage
    24:42 - Adolescent Power: The "Semi-Truck vs. Miata" Experience
    30:49 - Legacy & Upbringing: How Fathers Shaped the Men’s Struggles
    41:25 - The Radical Act of Being Known: Sharing the Stories Back
    44:05 - The Final Principle: Empathy, Curiosity, and the Gift of Being Seen

    Books, Tools, and Websites Mentioned

    • American Men: Stories of Modern Masculinity: Jordan Ritter Conn’s latest book (Hachette Book Group, 2026). https://jordanritterconn.com/
    • The Ringer: The sports and culture outlet where Jordan serves as a senior staff writer.

    Connect with the Guest

    • Website: https://jordanritterconn.com/
    • Professional: Senior Staff Writer at The Ringer
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    48 mins
  • Q&A: The Refining Fire of Fatherhood

    Q&A: The Refining Fire of Fatherhood
    May 14 2026

    This episode dives into the "refining fire" of parenting, where Shaun Dawson explores the collective wisdom of past guests to answer two heavy-hitting listener questions about balancing strength with warmth and navigating the silent guilt of new fatherhood.

    Questions:

    1. "I want my son to be resilient, but I don't want to be a 'cold' dad. How do I provide comfort without making him 'soft'?"
    2. "I’m a new dad and I’m struggling to feel that 'instant connection' everyone talks about. I feel guilty, like I'm failing already. Is something wrong with me?"

    Key Topics Covered

    • The Myth of the Lone Wolf: Deconstructing the cultural idea that resilience requires being cold, silent, or unfeeling.
    • The Castle and Drawbridge Metaphor: Redefining a father's role as a "safe castle" where heart-level connection acts as the drawbridge, allowing sons to explore and return for restoration.
    • Conan Brain vs. Sherlock Brain: Navigating the struggle between the reactive, survival-based "Conan" brain and the observant, analytical "Sherlock" brain.
    • Paternal Bonding Timelines: Addressing the biological reality that for many men, the "oxytocin hit" of bonding often peaks later (3–6 months) than it does for mothers.
    • The "Redo" and Presence: Shifting focus from perfection to presence (the absence of distractions and performance) and using mistakes as opportunities for a "redo."

    00:00 - Introduction: Raising Ourselves to Raise Our Sons
    01:15 - The Refining Fire of Fatherhood
    02:30 - Q&A: Balancing Strength and Warmth
    03:45 - Breaking the Cycle of "Man Up" Culture
    05:00 - The Castle and Drawbridge Metaphor
    06:30 - Navigating the Nervous System: Conan vs. Sherlock
    07:45 - Q&A: Addressing the Silent Guilt of New Dads
    09:15 - The Reality of Paternal Bonding Timelines
    10:30 - The Power of the "Redo" and True Presence
    12:00 - Key Resources: Internal Weather Reports
    13:30 - Episode Summary and Guest Credits
    14:15 - Principle: Fatherhood is a Mirror

    Featured Guests

    • Aaron Blaine https://raising.men/episodes/battles-before-the-battlefield-aaron-blaine-on-becoming-the-father-he-never-had
    • Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield https://raising.men/episodes/fathers-who-heal-lead-better-dr-michelle-watson-on-raising-connected-dads
    • Johnny Miller https://raising.men/episodes/regulate-before-you-relate-the-inner-work-of-raising-men-with-jonny-miller
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    14 mins
  • The Wild and Tender Work of Fatherhood with Dan Doty

    The Wild and Tender Work of Fatherhood with Dan Doty
    May 11 2026

    In a culture that has "clear-cut" the traditional forests of masculinity, 40% of young men now report having no one to turn to for guidance. We are navigating a landscape where traditional rites of passage have vanished, leaving parents to choose between "toxic" archetypes or the empty alternative of no masculinity at all.

    In this episode, Shaun sits down with Dan Doty, a pioneer in men’s development and leadership with over 20 years of experience in wilderness therapy and emotional intelligence. Dan breaks down why we are facing a crisis of "arrested development" in men and provides a practical roadmap for parents to cultivate "old growth" maturity in their sons—balancing fierce strength with radical heart.

    Key Topics Covered

    • The Erosion of Rites of Passage: How the disappearance of the church, Scouts, and civic institutions has left a vacuum in the transition from boyhood to manhood.

    • The Function of Initiation: Defining initiation not as a "toughness test," but as a mechanism to give a boy his place within a value-aligned, intact community.

    • The "Old Growth" vs. "Clear-Cut" Man: A metaphor for modern masculinity—where we lack the deep-rooted, mature mentors (old growth) needed to provide shade and wisdom for the next generation.

    • Arrested Development: The reality that without intentional growth, many men remain emotionally and spiritually undeveloped well into adulthood.

    • The Integration of Masculinity: Moving beyond the "man box" to a model that balances traditional strength and wilderness skills with heart-based communication.

    "Traditionally there's no such thing as an initiation without an intact community."


    "We have a society that is fundamentally full of undeveloped and immature men, point-blank."


    "I've been kicking the shit out of that [man] box for two decades... Let's make a bigger box because this one sucks."


    00:00 - Introduction: Meet Dan Doty
    02:46 - Dan’s Journey: From Wilderness Therapy to MeatEater
    05:32 - Beyond the "Man Box": Creating a Bigger Definition of Masculinity
    09:15 - Old Growth vs. Clear-Cut: The Metaphor for Modern Men
    13:40 - The Disappearance of Traditional Rites of Passage
    18:55 - What is Initiation? Community, Belonging, and Purpose
    24:10 - Solving the Crisis of "Arrested Development"
    28:45 - The Parent’s Dilemma: Balancing Strength and Softness
    33:20 - Dan’s 6-Month Leadership & Facilitation Program
    37:15 - Raising Strong Boys: Navigating Modern Cultural Challenges
    41:30 - Digital Landscapes and the Search for Real Connection
    44:50 - The Final Principle: Surrounding Your Sons with Mature Men


    Books, Tools, and Websites Mentioned

    • Dan’s primary platform for leadership training and fatherhood coaching. https://www.dandoty.com/
    • Dan’s specialized work focusing on expecting fathers. https://www.fatherhoodready.com/
    • Raising Strong Boys: Dan’s online course designed for parents of sons.
    • Richard Reeves: Referenced for his research on the systemic challenges facing modern boys and men.
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    38 mins
  • Q&A: Heart-Level Connection Strategies for Dads and Sons

    Q&A: Heart-Level Connection Strategies for Dads and Sons
    May 7 2026

    Key Topics Covered

    • Moving from inherited parenting patterns to helping sons build their own operating systems for life
    • Balancing reactive responses with logical and empathetic thinking through the Two-Brain Metaphor
    • Redefining masculine strength as a drawbridge of trust rather than a wall of armor
    • Understanding why boys adopt social masks and silent postures in public settings to feel safe
    • Prioritizing heart-level connection to open the "drawbridge" to a child’s inner world
    • Using the power of repair and "redos" to teach healthy ways to handle aggression and nervousness

    Chapter Markers:

    00:00 - Introduction: Our Sons are Becoming Us
    01:04 - Q1: Is the "Suck It Up" Playbook Outdated?
    02:45 - Updating Your Parenting Operating System
    04:15 - Conan vs. Sherlock: The Two-Brain Metaphor
    05:50 - Why Vulnerability is True Leadership
    07:12 - Q2: Why My Son Becomes a "Silent Statue" in Public
    08:40 - The Social Mask: Masculine Rituals of Safety
    10:15 - Connection Before Correction: The Castle Metaphor
    11:20 - Modeling Repair: The Power of the "Redo"
    12:11 - Closing: The Power of Presence & Final Thoughts

    Books, Tools, and Resources Mentioned

    • Equimundo: Source for the State of American Men 2025 report on provider roles and masculinity pressures.
    • The Fatherhood Project / Fatherhood.org: Statistics regarding the impact of father absence on youth development.
    • CDC/AECF Statistics: Data on adolescent depression, anxiety, and the "flourishing" indicators for boys.
    • Prison Policy Initiative: Data regarding disproportionate incarceration rates of boys in the juvenile justice system.
    • The Two-Brain Model: Understanding the "Conan the Barbarian" vs. "Sherlock Holmes" mental states.

    References:

    • Damian Gomes: https://raising.men/episodes/lessons-in-leadership-tech-and-letting-go-with-damian-gomes
    • Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst: https://raising.men/episodes/fathers-sons-and-the-lost-language-of-emotion-with-dr-gloria-vanderhorst
    • Christopher Veal: https://raising.men/episodes/what-it-really-means-to-be-a-whole-man-with-christopher-veal
    • Simon Rinne: https://raising.men/episodes/healing-the-modern-man-lessons-from-mindful-men-with-simon-rinne
    • Eli Weinstein: https://raising.men/episodes/from-dudes-to-dads-redefining-modern-fatherhood-with-eli-weinstein
    • Johnny Miller: https://raising.men/episodes/regulate-before-you-relate-the-inner-work-of-raising-men-with-jonny-miller
    • Paul Kix: https://raising.men/episodes/how-storytelling-helps-us-raise-men-with-paul-kix
    • Ken Mossman: https://raising.men/episodes/the-end-of-the-lone-cowboy-redefining-strength-for-the-next-generation-with-ken-mossman
    • Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield: https://raising.men/episodes/fathers-who-heal-lead-better-dr-michelle-watson-on-raising-connected-dads
    • Ryan North: https://raising.men/episodes/what-trauma-informed-parenting-looks-like-at-home-with-ryan-north
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    12 mins