• How to Optimize the Winter Games
    Feb 10 2026

    The Winter Olympics, or as thinking men call them, "The Winter Games." Tom and Griff discuss cinema and sport in this whirlwind hour+ long episode about two guys talking.

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    1 hr and 8 mins
  • Optimizing Hugging and Kissing
    Feb 3 2026

    Basically this is our Valentines Day episode. Griffin wanted to talk about prisons and filling them with our political enemies but Tom said "we see enough of that every day. So then Griffin said Hugging and Kissing and now you have to listen to it.

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    1 hr and 8 mins
  • The Forbidden Fruit Episode
    Jan 11 2026

    As Tom celebrates the fruit of his loins (fatherhood) Griffin has decided it is time to go back into the archives and show you the forbidden Fruit episode. This is from our very early days when we were still Goober Time. Forbidden because we thought maybe this episode was too odd, too rambling, too utterly deranged. But with the power of time I can now safely assure you it is a banger! An all timer.

    -Grungus

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    1 hr and 25 mins
  • How to Optimize Guy Food
    Jan 5 2026

    Well it finally happened. Tom had a baby and Griff tried to bring up the Nazis. Sorry we've been a bit delayed dear listener. We're simply living our lives. Is that so hard? This one is about food and the types of ways men eat it.

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    1 hr and 14 mins
  • How to Optimize Mountains
    Dec 14 2025

    Yeah, we're doing content on landforms. We're pretty much the only comedy podcast devoting an hour to mountains and what is wrong with them. Name another podcast. I'll wait.

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    1 hr and 7 mins
  • How to Optimize Doctors
    Nov 14 2025

    Doctors, this is your final warning. Things are about to change for you and your lot. Things are about to get a lot more normal for you bastards. Gone are the days of you lording your knowledge over the rest of society. Finally, Tom and Griff tear you a new one.

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    1 hr and 6 mins
  • How to Optimize Competition w/ Jo Scott
    Nov 3 2025

    Have you heard of mazes? Well, this conversation is a verbal maze. Yeah, you'll get lost in there but you'll also find some treasures or rare items to take home and change your sad life for the better. Dr. Jo Scott takes us down the dark paths of competition this week.

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    1 hr and 12 mins
  • How to Leverage Your Stupidity w/ Thomas Kelly
    Oct 26 2025

    Thomas Kelly is incredibly stupid. And that's something that he has been able to leverage and use to compete in the marketplace of ideas. He puts Tom and Griff through their stupid tests to see just how absolutely moronic they can be. Listen in to get the full run down of how to be a dumbass.

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    1 hr and 17 mins