feel I'm wasting my words on you. Losing track of time, studying you. With all these possible scenarios Maybe we're all a little crazy. I've been wishing for brutality maybe then we could be honest. Give me exactly what's in your heart even the darkest part. ....reason with me.... so these questions can stop tearing me apart. I know you think of me in the mingles of your company. I know how easy it can be to be in 2 places at once. I know. I know. I know. Because, we all get a little lonely. And we all want to keep busy. listen, I feel I'm wasting my words on you. Losing track of time, studying you. With all these possible scenarios. Give it all back. Lose yourself on me. Invest fully You won't need all the company. One room is all you need. I know. I know. I know

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The blade cuts both ways. can't we pick a direction and commit? I've walked in just as fast as you've watched me leave. so desperate for consistency whatever you ask for, you can have it. What do you want from me? I need to fight to feel some validation. I want the best for us both through the silence, I have played with fire to hold your attention. breaking sound barriers, it's apparent I'm getting no where. everything in ash. Look what a mess I've made. We'll never move on from this, writing our initials in the past. there's nothing left for me, I should go. I should leave. Your lack of empathy and hesitation to communicate renders my efforts redundant. What were you thinking, when you said you loved me? It's an old habit, showing interest in the things you like. Wearing your shirt, I've made you a part of my life. Every time I come back through that door a little less of me remains. mutual feelings are not as I hope. clearly, you mustn't feel the same. so desperate for consistency whatever you ask for, you can have it. You know this. I know you do. What do you want from me? All I've wanted, was who we were when I was with you.

Back track credit goes to Silent Child - F**k You

Frost is promised to soon creep in and stay. Nights will be longer.

what Daylight you have embraced, between your blinds before,

will shortly fade. I hope your ignorance keeps you warm.

when you see your breath before you. I pray you acknowledge the distaste.

I sincerely hope you experience. what it means to fully open up and let go.

what it must be like, to lock up and pull the blinds, like you do.

what it must feel like, to burrow in such ego, like you do.

can you imagine the strength it takes, to love someone like you.

I could set fires to the universe, with the passion I hold for you.

But what a waste of my efforts and love, for a man who prefers

to burrow and lye with their eyes closed. I hope. I truly do...

I hope your ignorance keeps you warm.

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with all the disrespect you've shown me. watch me fuck a new man, wearing your hoody.

are you lonely now? coming home to an empty bed

no matter the woman you welcome in

will fill the role i played for you. will do the little things I've done for you.

those little things you couldn't do. they added up and made a difference.

who will be there to comfort you? even with your shoulders cold,

I remained present, I made your bed. hours gone by,

no call. no sound. like a fool, I stayed right here, to hold you down.

is the quiet setting in now? candle flicker dimming now?

Who is here to support you when I'm not around?

Now that I'm miles away, can you hear me now? I've stood in your door way

sun up to sun down. begging and reasoning. You chose to let go and let be.

so now you can imagine, how sexy ill be, riding a new man wearing your hoody.

Muwaah.! Kisses baaaaabe. let that bottom lip stick out.

look at me from the corner of your eyes. tell me you're hurting through this.

you know, you're kinda cute when you pout. You're so apologetic now.

what did it? the thought of someone new? feeling replaceable, doesn't feel so good?

well, these are the cards you delt, and the decisions you chose.

it always hurts more, when, you're the one loving the most.

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nothing has changed.

These walls support your mess. I can see you've found comfort

in my absence. I hope you're happy. but, we both know, happy didn't call me

over for a night of affection. happy doesnt reach out

and keep this form of communication.

I know you're lonely. lonely answered the door with little expectations

and more questionable intentions. Im familiar with lonely.

But I'm not a Lilly...you can't just pick me when you're ready

to admire me, asset me, then toss me out when I've dried out from neglect.

I'm not your option or your maybe. we are. or. we are not.

I am warmth. I am comfort. but not for your convenience.

I am tonight, tomorrow, sun set, sunrise.

I am anchors, roots and foundation.

I am giving, trusting, sincere and apologetic. more importantly,aware

of your poor behavior. standing in your welcome,

nothing has changed.

for you.

Back track credit goes to "Hearts/Wires" by Deftones

Day dreams weaved in my lashes.. crow's feet and lip creases. I beg you, don't leave me. shoulders back, the sun cries. sidewalks flood, we're all tied up. the sky broke loose the night I heard you lie. a flood gate released a washing of bleeding hearts. I see you in a different light So I tilted my hat and went for a ride. I hope you know It's your mouth that wakes tomorrow. There's a secret about you that sets my skin on fire. making Angels in all the ashes, I would rather stare into the flames accept and break. upfront and acknowledged. I beg you, please don't leave me. Don't you see, It makes me sick to think you whispered to anyone the way you sing to me.

----------------

I'll do my best to tip toe out the door without a sound. I know you're wide awake staying quiet till I'm not around. silence has always been the fence, dividing us, standing so tall.. Are we too tired to climb? Maybe its the fear of the fall? or the over all disappointment when vulnerability is all that's left to hide? I have nothing left to say. I did those things and I felt I was doing what I was allowed to, Since I've watched you do it so many times, before. I have done so much forgiving, Enough, for the both of us.... Time spent cutting through demons. limbs by limbs. as sickening as they've been, I never turned too far. However, your stomach turns when you go opening the doors, looking for mine. The sword is still swinging. par to your wish I'll tip toe out of sight.

Back track credit goes to SleepToken "Is it really you"

I'm ugly today. I woke up finished with him, fed up with them. I'm tired already. I straddle the crooked line of looking down, pushing forward. and stepping up, I can't be down forever... .....I'm so fucking tired. There's been days, where I've closed my eyes.....I picture myself holding that bouquet of burgundy flowers. What an insane daydream. Truth is, Commitment doesn't seem to exist in a single one of my lovers. I've dolled up for the attraction and dressed myself down to test our infatuation. no surprise- Here I am, entertaining an empty room. God, I'm so fucking tired. eyes low, yesterday's make-up. How gullible I am for affection, is unspeakably embarrassing. I miss companionship. Do you hear me? I'm exhausted.

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I never stopped wanting you. I took a step back to test our connection. Instead of stepping forward, I waited and watched, while you packed and pulled up a chair. If we're being honest, I wasn't surprised. this is what you do. I thought, Maybe, I was wrong. This was a mistake. I'll smooth this over. I'll step farther forward. This mess is my fault. This is my heartache. Nobody tears me down harder than I do. I've spent nights wearing my sleeves thin trying to impress you. All this time wasted, trying to convince you to love me. I can't blame you for my persistence. I've held the door open, while you mocked me. -Guilt me. This is who I am, I'll take responsibility. Tonight, you turned away. I know tomorrow, you'll check in on me. Just to see if I've given up, moved on, enjoying somebody else's company. It's acceptable to sideline my feelings? while you're testing your possibilities? When the time runs dead and I'm giving up, the fault of our failure falls on me? selfish. If we're being honest, this is how you've painted me the fool. this is what you do. Knowing your mischievous process, I look for your eyes in every open door. How is it, you've forgotten how to touch me? Unless you've become accustomed to her...? I was Her, once before. There's a pattern to your victim claims. I've approached you and explained, ' I only want to understand ' You'd rather act oblivious, as if I don't already know their names. such a small world we dine in. If we're being honest, Snakeskin doesn't look good on you. but... this is what you do.

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Damnit. I did it again. Where do we draw the line?... at loneliness and heartache? I dress the situation up to smooth out the ripples, comb through the feathers and secure loose pieces before my efforts crumble. I'll ask again, Where do we draw the line?... at selfishness and saving faces? the further down I drift the longer I watch over my shoulder. excuse your tone when questioning my curiosity. I just want to be certain; I'll be standing when this is all over. Man, you have me figured out. guilt me for missing us and feeling down... for reaching out to keep you around. Man, you're good! You really had me doubting myself. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't be so needy.." ...Seriously? Is it really so criminal, to want to feel wanted? I know you can relate. I comforted you through your insecurities and tired times of feeling lost. I paused my life to occupy your home so you wouldn't suffer alone. It's just too much work to reciprocate and give the love back. It's too much energy and time from yourself. so this is where we are at....... The further down I drift, The quieter your voice gets. scar tissue heals smoother through silence. and with less energy for me to give a shit.

Back track credit goes to "Deep Sleeping Music" ... I dont know I found it online when looking for free downloadable music samples lol

{{ You dont get it, You have it all}}

no. listen. take a moment, pay attention. remove your head from your ass

look around and relax. "you have it all" uhu. what I have, from what you see

has been solely provided by...ME. the house. the car. these nice things.

nothing comes easy. I've spent nights tossing in my sleep,

worrying and weighing my battles. prioritizing obligations

because if I don't. who will?! you?! no.

since the beginning, I've had to work harder to hide my keys and cash.

once you've dropped the facade it's been hell on my sanity.

A Partner should never cost me my happiness. baby, You're too expensive for my taste. so, I'm locking you out. I collected my keys while you slept.

you'll find your things packed out back. call your mother. call a friend.

start the walking.

Your presence back tracks my success. You need some time alone to process...

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My heavens, you are not what I expected. Please, 1 moment,

allow me to collect my thoughts. My mouth has escaped me,

Within your presence. There's an air about you,

That teases my conscience. can sense your smile

Through that thick mask. Entertained?- I'm sure.

I've suddenly lost the ability to mature. The ability to hold it together,

Talk with dignity and posture like a lady. Keep talking softly.

What is body chemistry?- Dear god, I'm melting.

Greys. Reds. Blondes. Browns. Dark eyes. White teeth.

The way your bottom lip curls When you say those words.

What was that.......? I'm rambling on. Please, Keep talking about your family.

I'm imagining they all resemble you. Are they also as charming

And charismatic as you? Do their eyes talk the same way yours do?

Would they fall in love with someone...Like me? the way I'm falling-

Sitting here listening to you...? Relax, Noises have a way of escaping,

When distance is closed And hearts are racing.

This has been an unexpected ride. I can tell you had no expectations for tonight.

The sun is spilling through the blinds, You're still succumbed to the comforts of rest.

The softness of your features are admirable. And I'm entirely infatuated.

There may never be enough words in the human language

To properly write out the pleasures, I have found in accompanying you,

Tonight. Smile once again, before we reverse

To the ignorance of what was yesturday. You're gorgeous, sir.

I appreciate what I wasn't expecting.

{{i love you}}

But do you?I remember writing that, it was the first day we met.I never thought I'd see you again. Yet, here we are. i've spent the last year waiting for you to wake up. waiting for you to reciprocate. I've spent a lot of my time waiting. waiting around on you...here we are,

-----------------------

additional voice~ Oscarr

Back track credit goes to ~ Hippie Sabotoge "Devil Eyes" & aLone -"follow you"

what are you thinking? right now, I want to hear you say it, out loud. Tell me how you feel about me lean into me. share with me. I can hear you breathing and see your eyes navigating. does this please you? is this satisfaction? our lives are filled with moments painting up memories. I want yours to be enjoying yourself with the best of me.

------------------------

I want to watch you crumble. shed and detach. Venerable and sexy. Give me your secrets come lay with me. We've been staring at this same wall for too long. relax break down your barrier, fall apart with me. You can yell from your core I won't shutter. I want to experience your absolute honesty. I'll wear your heart, if it pleases you. On my bear skin, for all to understand, my dedication to you. but first, I need you to crumble. shed and detach.

Sober Thoughts of an Intoxicated Mind

Music Credit goes to aLone - follow you

I miss that old Sadistik vibe. That slow melodic feel, With the razor tip verse.

Every time he speaks, you feel it a little more.

"I need the dark today to see the stars decay" -I felt that.

"And I grieve with the leaves 'til I pray it's not autumn." -I felt that.

I've never smoked a carton. But I've kissed a man that has.

Now my voice in changing That morning-after rasp.

When the wires burn through You can feel the lights dim.

Summoning the energy to make the changes necessary.

Begins to take the name of a Miracle. But i am tired.

Dear god, I've became a magnet to negativity and grey energy.

While you're calling for me, I'll lay in this high grass,

File away my thoughts and breathe in the smoke

As it passes over me.

Lungs full. Sight clouded.

I'm singing to myself.

Looking for that punch verse, That will motivate and lift me.

A lot like relying on another's words to fix me,

You're still on your pedestal, Self-absorbed, calling for me.

Nothing changes -If nothing changes.

And we're dancing to the same Echos. .

repeat.

I'm waiting for that old Sadistik vibe.

That slow melodic feel, With the razor tip verse.

Everytime he speaks, I need to feel it a little more.

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Music Credit goes to Sadistik - "Eden"

Rest Easy, Dad