In this episode of Redesigning Yourself Beyond Betrayal, I sit down with Carol Sheets (Carol the Coach), a leading expert in betrayal trauma recovery with decades of experience. We explore the often-overlooked topic of post-traumatic growth—what it looks like, how to recognize when you're ready for it, and practical tools to help you move from survival mode to truly thriving after betrayal.

Carol Sheets is a highly sought-after educator and thought leader who has served as faculty for APSATS and ITAP, two leading organizations in betrayal trauma recovery. She's the creator of the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM), which has empowered over 250 clinicians globally. Carol is also the author of several acclaimed books including Help Her Heal, Unleashing Your Power: Moving Beyond Sexual Betrayal, and Help Them Heal. As a pioneer in the field, she hosted the very first internet radio podcast on sex addiction and partner betrayal.

In this conversation, we dive deep into the three phases of partner betrayal recovery and why so many women get stuck in the first phase. Carol shares her mission to help women step into post-traumatic growth, where they develop a new appreciation for life and find the energy to give back to others.

1. The three phases of partner betrayal recovery and how to recognize post-traumatic growth
2. Common fears about staying versus leaving your relationship after betrayal
3. Carol's "Head, Heart, and Gut" framework for rebuilding trust in yourself
4. The "50 Things You Like About Yourself" exercise for building confidence
5. How to use reframing to turn trauma into growth opportunities
6. The 10 recovery tools to look for in a partner's healing journey
7. Why empathy is crucial for recovery and what it looks like in action
8. How to detach with love when your partner isn't doing the work

• Post-traumatic growth is possible, but it's often overlooked in favor of crisis management
• Learning to trust yourself again is essential for moving forward, whether you stay or leave
• Understanding what genuine recovery looks like helps you make informed decisions about your relationship

Help.Her.Heal by Carol Sheets

Unleashing Your Power: Moving Beyond Sexual Betrayal by Carol Sheets

Help.Them.Heal by Carol Sheets

Helping Couples Heal from Infidelity and Find Love Again by Carol Sheets

A House Interrupted: A Wife's Story of Recovery from her Husband's Sex Addiction by Maurita Corcoran

Connect with Carol:

sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.com

Upcoming workshops: Partners Post-Traumatic Growth (August 26, 2025) and Couples Post-Traumatic Growth (September 16, 2025)

Purchase: I Am Reclaiming Me: A Betrayed Partner’s Daily Practice Journal for Women by Lorna Nakell or Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection after Sexual Betrayal.

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Welcome to part two of Nolo 2.0. In this episode, I’m joined by my husband Noah for an honest conversation about our journey of healing after betrayal. We know how rare it is to find examples of both the betrayer and the betrayed sharing their story together, and we hope this episode provides encouragement and insight for others navigating similar challenges.

Noah Nakell is a Certified Professional Coach who specializes in recovery coaching for men navigating sex addiction, with additional expertise in life coaching for building lives that reflect their true values. Drawing from his own recovery journey, Noah guides men from secrecy and shame toward genuine freedom and connection. He works with clients nationwide through online sessions and offers free consultations to explore how coaching can support your path forward. Learn more at boundlessbravery.com.

In this episode we discuss the difficult realities of betrayal and addiction, the role of toxic shame, and how patriarchal systems contribute to harmful behaviors. We also share strategies for recovery, tips for healing through the holidays, and what it takes to move forward as individuals and as a couple.

Topics Covered:

1. Some of our most recent challenges in healing.
2. Strategies Noah uses to help Lorna with triggers.
3. How Noah's focus on what's important in life has changed since recovery.
4. Noah's advice for men still struggling on their journey of recovery from sex addiction.
5. Noah's questions for Lorna regarding her healing process.
6. Noah's advice for couples recovering from betrayal trauma.

Why This Episode Matters:

• It’s essential to shed light on the topic of sex and porn addiction in order to inspire change.
• By sharing our journey, we hope to show other couples that healing is possible—even after deep hurt.

Resources Mentioned:

Help. Her. Heal. by Carol Juergensen Sheets

Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection after Sexual Betrayal by Lorna Nakell and Noah Nakell

"An Ordinary Beautiful Marriage," Reflections of Life

Purchase: I Am Reclaiming Me: A Betrayed Partner’s Daily Practice Journal for Women by Lorna Nakell or Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection after Sexual Betrayal.

Read more about betrayal trauma and feminist issues.

Stay connected:

• Keep up with Redesign Yourself Beyond Betrayal latest episodes and related content by signing up for the newsletter at Womanhouse

Note: I earn commissions from sponsored links.

In this episode, I’m joined by my husband Noah for an honest conversation about our journey of healing after betrayal. We know how rare it is to find examples of both the betrayer and the betrayed sharing their story together, and we hope this episode provides encouragement and insight for others navigating similar challenges.

Noah Nakell is a Certified Professional Coach who specializes in recovery coaching for men navigating sex addiction, with additional expertise in life coaching for building lives that reflect their true values. Drawing from his own recovery journey, Noah guides men from secrecy and shame toward genuine freedom and connection. He works with clients nationwide through online sessions and offers free consultations to explore how coaching can support your path forward. Learn more at boundlessbravery.com.

In this episode we discuss the difficult realities of betrayal and addiction, the role of toxic shame, and how patriarchal systems contribute to harmful behaviors. We also share strategies for recovery, tips for healing through the holidays, and what it takes to move forward as individuals and as a couple.

Topics Covered:

1. Where are we now and how did we get here?
2. What made reconciliation possible for us.
3. The practices and routines Noah is doing daily for his recovery.
4. How toxic shame can get in the way of success.
5. Tips for healing through the holidays.
6. Managing addiction with co-occurring conditions.

Why This Episode Matters:

• It’s essential to shed light on the topic of sex and porn addiction in order to inspire change.
• By sharing our journey, we hope to show other couples that healing is possible—even after deep hurt.

Resources Mentioned:

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft: https

"The Secret Sexual Basement" whitepaper by Omar Minwalla

Purchase: I Am Reclaiming Me: A Betrayed Partner’s Daily Practice Journal for Women by Lorna Nakell or Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection after Sexual Betrayal.

Read more about betrayal trauma and feminist issues.

Stay connected:

• Keep up with Redesign Yourself Beyond Betrayal latest episodes and related content by signing up for the newsletter at Womanhouse

Note: I earn commissions from sponsored links.

Note: I may receive a commission from affiliate links.

While the holidays can be challenging for many folks for a variety of reasons (dealing with travel, having to spend time with extended family that you might not get along with, trying to stay on track with eating and spending money, etc.) it can be especially hard for couples who are additionally dealing with recovery from betrayal trauma. I'm talking specifically about the type of trauma when a spouse has been addicted to sex and/or porn. No matter what stage of recovery the betraying partner is in, or his wife who has been betrayed, the holidays can stir up some darkness. Folks who listened to episode 1 know that I know what recovery from betrayal is like. So, with this episode, I offer the partners who are trying their darndest to be in healthy recovery, a conversation with Heidi Kinsella in hopes that you can receive some validation for the work you have done and gain some tips for staying healthy and connected.

Heidi is the President and Clinical Director at Fourth Dimension Counseling & Coaching, a group practice in Washington State that serves Washington, Idaho, Alaska, Hawaii, Montana, Arizona, California, and New York. Heidi specializes in working with people who have been affected by sex addiction, infidelity, pornography, and substance abuse, including betrayal trauma. She works with individuals, couples, families, groups and runs workshops and intensives at her ranch Maple Valley, Washington, which includes Equine Assisted Therapy.

She holds a National Certification as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, a Certified Partner Trauma Therapist Supervisor, and a Certified Multiple Addictions Therapist from the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals, and is a licensed Substance Use Disorder Professional for the state of Washington. She also is a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist through The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). You can learn more about her extensive qualifications on her website: fourthdimensioncounseling.com

Purchase: I Am Reclaiming Me: A Betrayed Partner’s Daily Practice Journal for Women by Lorna Nakell or Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection after Sexual Betrayal.

Read more about betrayal trauma and feminist issues.

Stay connected:

• Keep up with Redesign Yourself Beyond Betrayal latest episodes and related content by signing up for the newsletter at Womanhouse

Note: I earn commissions from sponsored links.

In the spring of 2022 I discovered that my husband of 21 years had cheated on me in a variety of ways. Before that day, I thought we were good. Even after hearing how romantic love can fade over the years and be replaced by practical love, I felt my love for Noah grow and deepen every year. I was truly in love with him. When I discovered his betrayal my whole world crumbled beneath me.

This is my story of betrayal trauma and recovery. I tell it to educate, inspire, and validate other betrayed partners who might be dealing with deep feelings of loss, anger, regret, and of not being enough. All of those feelings are valid. And, it is possible to move beyond the hurt with or without your partner to live a full and wiser life.

Here are some resources that have helped me as well as Noah and my coupleship:

Podcasts

• Helping Couples Heal with Duane Osterlind and Marney Breeker
• The Healing Trauma Podcast with Monique Koven

Treatment and Counseling Programs

• Helping Couples Heal: Online individual and couples counseling plus couple’s intensive workshops
• 4th Dimension Counseling and Retreats: Retreat and counseling for women experiencing betrayal trauma)
• Integrative Life Center: Inpatient clinic for men who are sex and porn addicts
• Begin Again Institute: Inpatient clinic for men who are sex and porn addicts

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Purchase, I Am Reclaiming Me: A Betrayed Partner’s Daily Practice Journal for Women by Lorna Nakell or Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection after Sexual Betrayal.

Sign up for upcoming workshops and retreats.

Note: I earn commissions from sponsored links.

Stay connected:

• Keep up with Redesign Yourself Beyond Betrayal latest episodes and related content by signing up for the newsletter at Womanhouse
• Follow @womanhouseprojects on IG for inspiration and updates

I don’t know if you’re aware, but some of the most fantastic things in life start with a creative mess. But, we’ll get back to that in a moment.

Have you either known for a while or recently discovered that your husband or partner is a sex and porn addict? Are you on that emotional rollercoaster trying desperately to figure out how to move forward, but you’re at a loss when it comes to imagining what the future could hold for you now? There are so many layers to the betrayal trauma onion. There are also so many stages in the healing process, and it can be easy to find yourself floundering in the dark spaces of negative self-talk, shame, regret, anger, and sadness. But, you are not alone. As a betrayed partner myself I can relate.

Redesigning Yourself Beyond Betrayal is here for women who want to hear candid discussions about the issues concerning betrayal trauma. I created this podcast as a tool for my healing. My goal for our time together is to tackle the topic of how betrayed partners can use design thinking to reconnect to themselves and their power so they can create and step into the life they want to live.

Whether you choose to stay in your relationship or move on. In Redesigning Yourself Beyond Betrayal, we explore how to use design thinking tools to turn trauma into an opportunity for growth. You’ll be given inspiration on how to tap into your imagination, take creative risks, and redesign your life through small, intentional steps.

In lively interviews you’ll learn about the importance of empathizing with your emotions and needs, to aid yourself in understanding what you truly want and deserve in life. You’ll hear discussions with other betrayed partners about the importance of defining goals for healing, identifying the core areas where trust, love, and a sense of self need to be rebuilt. You’ll see how play can be used to ideate—allowing yourself to imagine new possibilities for your future, even ones you hadn’t considered before.

And you’ll see how testing things out can be done by taking small, manageable steps to bring your ideas to life. Even what you might see as a failure when trying something new is just a learning experience and an opportunity to iterate. Healing is a process of continuous learning, and you’ll discover that it’s okay to adjust and refine your path along the way.

My hope for you is that if you’re in a place where you feel you could use a redesign, that you find some nuggets of wisdom in this podcast that will help you rediscover the vibrant, resilient woman within.

So, this is the part where I invite you to put on your apron—it’s time to get creatively messy!

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Lorna Nakell is the founder of Womanhouse, author of I Am Reclaiming Me: A Betrayed Partner's Daily Practice Journal, co-creator of Coupleship: Activity Cards for Reestablishing Connection After Sexual Betrayal, and the podcast host of I Am My Passion Project. She is the mom of a jazz musician and is currently living in Tucson, AZ where she likes to run the trails with her husband, Noah.