When the version of your life that looked “right” stops feeling like you, what happens next?

In this conversation, Jim talks honestly about the long arc of his working life: teaching in London, climbing the leadership ladder, reaching a point where the system no longer fed his soul, and the quiet realisation that something had to change.

We talk about identity, ambition, leaving a career that once made sense, and the strange relief of admitting “this isn’t who I want to be anymore.” And through it all, a clear thread runs: connection, conversation, nature, and the people we choose to share our lives with.

Jim reflects on optimism in dark moments, the pull of the fells, adventure, parenting, building something on your own terms, and what it means to feel like yourself again. Not in a big dramatic way, just in the very human way so many of us recognise.

If you’re standing in the messy middle of ambition, exhaustion and wanting a life that feels more yours, you might hear something in Jim’s story that steadies you.

Listen if you’re:

• A business owner or leader wondering what “the next chapter” even is

• Tired of spinning plates and pretending it’s all fine

• In a career that once fit but doesn’t anymore

• Questioning what success actually means

• Craving connection, meaning and something real

Quotable moments:

• “Sometimes it’s just moving on to the next chapter.”

• “I felt divided – there was work me and there was real me.”

• “What brings me joy is connection. It doesn’t need to be big stuff.”

• “You can scream into those fells and the wind and they don’t give a shit.”

If this conversation lands with you, you’ll probably love the newsletter – stories, reflections and gentle rebellion for people who are done pretending everything is fine.

Join here: reflectiverebels.co.uk/newsletter

Connect: Instagram: @reflective_rebels

If you have been feeling a quiet shift in yourself that you cannot quite name but you know is there, this conversation might give you some company.

Ricky talks about the moments that shaped him, the things he has let go of, and the parts of himself he is finding again. We go from childhood memories of being the tech obsessed “shiny buttons” kid, to DJing in dark clubs, to building a tech agency, to the grounding work he does as a Samaritans listening volunteer.

He also speaks about being born with one leg and what it meant to grow up with parents who backed him fully while keeping things real. From early limitations he had to face, to the quiet courage of choosing what felt true to him, Ricky shares how these experiences shaped how he moves through the world.

There is also an honest moment about how he and his partner made peace with the version of their life that does not include children right now. Not with regret, but with clarity and acceptance.

We also get into the shift he is feeling today. The old metrics of success like speed, productivity and constant growth no longer land. What feels more important now is community, meaning and a softer way of living.

Do you need a goal to take action, or can you follow what feels human and true?

• are questioning the old definitions of success
• want conversations that sit in the grey
• feel a shift but do not yet have words for it
• prefer honesty over performance
• are navigating changes in identity, purpose or energy

"I always loved the shiny buttons."

"At some point I realised being a fireman probably was not going to happen."

"There is something softer pulling me now."

"I have always liked helping people."

Listen here: Fake Blood, Sweat and Tears

• Website
• Newsletter
• Instagram @reflective_rebels
• Coaching enquiries

Theresa has lived many lives... across continents, careers, and versions of herself. From a childhood in Zimbabwe and South Africa to teenage years in Portugal and now life in Carlisle, she’s spent years learning what it means to belong, to rebuild, and to finally take up space as the adult version of herself.

In this conversation, she talks about movement, motherhood, grief, and growing into the kind of woman who calls her own shots. The kind who’s learned that strength isn’t about pretending everything’s fine, it’s about owning the whole story, even the messy chapters.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve been performing someone else’s version of your life, or you’re just tired of holding it all together, this one’s for you.

Listen if you:

• Feel like you’ve been “fine” for too long and want something more real
• Keep shape-shifting to fit where you are but never quite feel at home
• Need a reminder that confidence can come later in life, and that’s okay
• Are trying to make peace with the messier parts of your story

• Want to hear from someone who’s figured out how to stop shrinking herself

Lessons from her story:

• You can start again — more than once. Reinvention isn’t failure; it’s what living looks like.
• Confidence doesn’t appear overnight. It builds quietly through hard-won moments
• You’re allowed to outgrow people, places, and versions of yourself.
• Owning your story means owning all of it, even the parts you’d rather forget.
• Community doesn’t just happen; you create it.

Memorable quotes:

“Five-year-old me was kind of running the show. Adult me actually knows what she’s doing and she can run the show.”

“Sometimes we’ve just got to talk about the shit things too — not just the ones that happen to us, but the ones we do. It’s all part of our story.”

“I always say the things other people don’t say. I get those looks like, ‘Oh gosh, you said that,’ and I’m like, yeah, I did.”

“If women are confident, it often comes across as something else. But it isn’t. I’ve stepped into my adult shoes — I’m properly living my life.”

“Granny made me become a celebrant. She didn’t follow her dreams, so I’m making sure I follow mine.”

About the Podcast

We’re Done Pretending is a Reflective Rebels podcast hosted by Ben Hickman. Real conversations about the beautiful, messy muddle of being human. No quick fixes. No corporate masks. Just honest stories about joy, loss, identity, and the work of becoming ourselves again.

Coaching: If this conversation resonated and you’re ready to find a life that feels good to you, email ben@reflectiverebels.co.uk.

Follow Reflective Rebels: https://www.instagram.com/reflective_rebels/ on Instagram

Subscribe to the newsletter: reflectiverebels.co.uk/newsletter for news, and updates for exhausted humans.

Read Theresa’s writing: https://substack.com/@theresawritesnow

Do you measure yourself by what you've accomplished instead of how you actually feel?

Laura did. Chief executive of a charity, studying for a degree, doing two voluntary roles, raising her son as a single parent. When people asked how she was, she'd rattle off what she'd achieved. "Yeah, I'm great, I'm fine."

Her friends knew it was coming. She didn't.

One afternoon at 3pm, her skin started crawling. Pancreatitis. Hospital for three months. Couldn't work, couldn't trust herself to make decisions, had to move back in with her parents.

The turning point: lying in bed one night, hearing her mum and dad tend to her son because she couldn't get up. That's when she thought: I can't give everything to everybody else anymore.

This conversation is about what happens when your body forces you to stop. About the "big shitty stick of motherhood" we beat ourselves with. About rebuilding when you realise you don't know who you are without all the roles. About learning to be Laura before being anything else.

Listen if:

• You're checking emails while making breakfast for your kids
• You say "I'm fine" while listing everything you've achieved
• You feel guilty if you're not doing the best you can do all the time
• Cleaning feels like "me time" because it's the only thing you can control
• You don't know who you are without your roles

Five lessons from Laura's story:

1. You can't give everything away to everyone else

Laura was chief executive, student, volunteer, single parent - trying to be all things to all people. There was no space left for her. That's not sustainable.

2. When you don't stop, your body will stop you

Laura ignored every warning sign until pancreatitis put her in hospital. If you don't choose to slow down, it chooses you.

3. Identity beyond roles takes rebuilding piece by piece

After her breakdown, Laura didn't know who she was without CEO, mum, student. She had to rebuild from scratch: "Is that one of my pieces? Is that me?"

4. Vulnerability isn't weakness

People called Laura an "ice queen" who never showed emotion. That compartmentalising left her isolated and burnt out. Now she 'cries at adverts' and feels stronger than ever.

5. Joy comes from presence, not proving yourself

Laura used to measure herself by achievements. Now joy is playing PlayStation with her son, reading without scrolling her phone. Being there, not performing.

About the host

Ben Hickman is the founder of Reflective Rebels, coaching overwhelmed business owners and exhausted professionals. With 14+ years running his own business (including hitting burnout in 2015), Ben gets what it's like when you're giving everything away to things that maybe aren't the important things.

To find out more visit www.reflectiverebels.co.uk

We're done pretending everything's fine. We want more than coping. We want a life that feels like ours.

56 minutes • For anyone still trying to prove they're good enough

Do you spend all week waiting for Friday evening to finally do your real work? Not the emails, not the meetings - the work that actually matters to you?

Beatrix does. She waits all week for what she calls "mythological time" - when she can finally shift away from everyone else's demands and into genuine creative work. The problem: The to-do list could now fill seven days a week. Operational tasks have crowded out everything else.

From filmmaker to farmer to self-shooting director, Beatrix kept wearing different uniforms trying to fit what others expected. Until an Orthodox priest in Siberia looked her in the eyes and asked: "What's happened to your soul?" That question led her from London to Cornwall to the Outer Hebrides, and finally to making work on her own terms.

After four years of institutional funding rejection, she launched a crowdfunder and raised completion funding in four weeks - from people who actually wanted to see her work. Now she's self-distributing her documentary and working on a project that integrates everything she's been told to keep separate.

Listen if you:

• Feel like your days define you instead of the other way around
• Keep building things that look good but don't feel like yours
• Wait all week for the moment you can finally do your real work
• Have projects gathering dust because you couldn't get approval or didn't have the confidence to share them
• Wonder why you keep shape-shifting to fit what others need
• Feel like you've been tuning a radio dial your whole life trying to find your clear signal

Lessons from her story:

1. Mythological Time vs. To-Do List Time - You need to protect time for your real work with stubbornness. Otherwise the demands will eat everything.

2. The Priest's Question - Sometimes a stranger sees what you've been ignoring - that you've drifted so far from yourself you don't even notice anymore.

3. "I Didn't See There Was Any Choice" - Sometimes the bravest thing is admitting you can't keep going the way you've been going.

4. Four Years of Rejection, Four Weeks of Success - Gatekeepers saying "no" doesn't mean your work isn't good. It might just mean you're asking the wrong people.

5. Tuning the Radio Dial - Finding your true work isn't about choosing one thing. It's about integrating all the parts of yourself you've been told to keep separate.

Follow Beatrix: Website: trixpixmedia.com Social: @trixpixmedia

Coaching with Ben: If this resonates and you're ready to find your own clear signal, email ben@reflectiverebels.co.uk

Follow Reflective Rebels: @reflective_rebels (Instagram) | Ben Hickman (LinkedIn)

Episode Summary

Ever felt like you're too comfortable? Too insulated from real experiences? Ray's story follows a man who's spent his life saying "yes" to random invitations, from "do you want to come climbing?" at a carnival to adventures that nearly killed him in Peru.

If you're feeling stuck in routines or wondering whether you should follow that thing that's been calling to you, Ray's story shows what's possible when you trust what grabs you physically and get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Five Lessons from Ray's Story

1. Say yes to throwaway conversations
The biggest opportunities often come disguised as casual suggestions. The magic isn't in the invitation - it's in saying yes when most people would say "maybe later."

2. Your body knows before your brain does
Ray felt those Welsh hills in his bones before he could articulate why. Sometimes you need to trust what grabs you physically, not what makes logical sense.

3. The humble ones change everything
Ray calls himself a "right wimp" while describing surviving at 19,000 feet. Often the humble ones shape other people's lives - they're too busy doing the work to notice how extraordinary they are.

4. Let people get messy
Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is stop protecting them from getting their hands dirty.

5. Keep going when you're broken
Ray was "wobbly" for years after a school attack but never stopped living. You don't have to be fixed to keep moving forward.

Key Quotes

"It's hard to describe - you know when something grabs you, when something kind of gets hold of you."

"Get out there and do something. Get your hands dirty. Bang your head on the wall. Smack your knuckles on the rock."

"You've just got to get out there and feel a bit of nature. Get away from all this comfort and material bollocks."

Connect with Reflective Rebels

If Ray's story stirred something in you - if you recognise that feeling of being too comfortable or wondering what you're missing by playing it safe - you're not alone.

Join the email community at reflectiverebels.co.uk/newsletter for honest insights about getting unstuck and first access to gatherings where you can connect with other people who are done pretending everything's fine.

And if you're ready to make changes that feel scary but right - drop me an email about coaching. Because sometimes we need support to say yes to the things that matter.

What do you do when your body says "enough" before you're ready?

Patricia's story: From working in finance in Hong Kong, to prison counseling, to stroke recovery - and why slowing down might not be the worst thing that could happen.

Listen if you:

• Feel like you're always pushing through, never slowing down
• Worry about what happens if you can't keep up the pace
• Are dealing with health issues that have changed everything
• Wonder if there's wisdom in being forced to rest
  

39 minutes about resilience, recovery, and finding meaning when life changes the rules.

Five Lessons from Patricia's Story

1. Your work identity isn't your worth Patricia discovered that the business impact she thought was crucial "actually didn't matter" and "mattered a lot to me" but not to others. Your value exists beyond your professional achievements.

2. Slow down or life will stop youPatricia was working "all hours God said" and "stressed to hell" until her stroke forced a complete halt. If you don't choose to slow down, it chooses you.

3. Adventure requires jumping without a netFrom Hong Kong to prison work to starting a business - Patricia's biggest life changes happened when they took leaps without guaranteed outcomes.

4. Real strength is knowing when to ask for helpPrison work taught Patricia that seeking help is "huge bravery, not failure" and that "backing down is a route you need to take."

5. Kindness is the pointAfter experiencing profound kindness during her recovery, Patricia realized "if you can extend a hand of kindness, it's incredible the amount of difference that can make."

Quotable moments:

"I still wake up every morning and think I'm still alive. I never used to do that but now I know what that feels like."

"Is anybody going to die? This is where we start the measuring from rather than going full-on panic stations."

"The things that are right in front of you that you just bypass... are actually the most important things, but you just walk by them as if they're nothing."

"If you can extend a hand of kindness, it's incredible the amount of difference that sometimes can make."

"Backing off is not a failure and backing down is a route that you need to take."

"I think it's very important for us all to be human and kind."

"There's a freedom in my heart when I hear the music and I hear the voice and that beautiful instrument that is the voice that just soars."

"Sometimes you've just got to present that really outlandish thought that this five foot woman's going to knock out this six foot two guy."

Resources Mentioned:

• Lonsdale Cinema, Annan
• Carlisle Hospital Stroke Unit

About the Host:Ben is a qualified coach and creator of Reflective Rebels, a community for people who want to live more authentically. Based in Carlisle, he's on a mission to spread joy because life is too short to be shit. Through honest conversations and practical support, Ben helps people figure out what matters to them and find the courage to make changes.

Connect with Patricia's story:If this conversation resonated with you, join the Reflective Rebels email community for honest insights, practical tools and first access to new gatherings. Or if you're ready for a change in your story, contact me about coaching.

What happens when life feels like a prison?

Ewa's story: From hiding her Polish identity to COVID breakdown to manifesting her way out of financial terror - and why she had to become "delusional" about money.

Listen if you:

• Feel trapped by your own life
• Struggle with money mindset and limiting beliefs
• Hide parts of yourself to fit in
• Wonder if there's more to life than what you're currently doing

Key takeaways:

• Breakdown can lead to breakthrough - Ewa's pandemic crisis forced her to discover manifestation and rebuild her money mindset, proving that rock bottom can become your foundation.
• Manifestation is practical mindset work - Not magical thinking but "training your mind to work for you, not against you." She had to become "delusional" about her goals while taking real action.
• Freedom matters more than security - When micromanagement made her feel caged, Ewa chose uncertain self-employment over false security, even during a pandemic.
• Childhood money stories can be rewritten - Growing up with scarcity beliefs, she consciously shifted from limiting herself to being open to unexpected income sources.
• Authenticity requires refusing to stay small - After years of hiding her real self, Ewa now chooses to let her authentic self shine regardless of judgment.
  

Mentioned in This Episode:

Moving from Poland to UK at age 10

Google Translate conversations about ice cream

Early business ventures (jewelry, treehouse shop, Mars bars)

COVID-19 pandemic and self-employment leap

"You Are a Badass" and "You Are a Badass at Making Money" books by Jen Sincerro

TikTok viral success and social media growth

Spiritual awakening and manifestation discovery

Solo travel experiences

Lake District hiking and spontaneous adventures

If This Resonates...

Ready to refuse to stay small in your own life?

Ewa's story reminds us that sometimes the biggest breakdowns lead to the greatest breakthroughs. And that choosing freedom over security might be the scariest and best decision you ever make.

Join our email community for more honest stories about entrepreneurship, authenticity, and the courage to bet on yourself.

And if you're ready to explore your own rebellion against staying small - whether it's starting a business, changing careers, or just being more authentically you - I'd love to explore how coaching can support your journey. Contact me here.

Book links in this episode are affiliate links through Bookshop.org, which supports independent bookshops