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In this episode of Structure & Scars, we’re talking about the quiet, crushing guilt so many adult survivors carry during the holidays — the belief that you owe care, time, or emotional labor to a parent who never showed up for you.

We dive into what happens when the holidays weren’t magical growing up, but chaotic, unstable, or unsafe. We look at the false cultural “contract” that tells adult children they must care for aging parents, even when those parents caused harm. And we unpack why your body still feels obligated to reenact old survival roles — especially this time of year.

We also take a trauma-informed look at Christmas Vacation and the way Clark Griswold reenacts his own childhood wounds through holiday performance, perfectionism, and emotional overfunctioning. If you’ve ever felt the pressure to “hold the season together” or rewrite the disaster into a success, you’re not imagining it — that pressure has roots.

Together, we explore structural dissociation, holiday trauma, and what it means to choose peace, boundaries, and safety over obligation. You get permission to step out of survival mode and into a holiday that actually feels like yours.

And if you listen closely at the very end… you’ll hear Hawkins the German Shorthaired Pointer adding her own commentary — because even the dogs have thoughts about holiday chaos.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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This episode honors the lives lost in the Fort Hood shooting on November 5th, 2009. It includes a timeline, the names of the 13 fallen, and a moment of silence with a ceremonial bell toll.

There are no graphic details.
The attacker is not named.
The focus is on remembrance and respect.

Please take care as you listen — especially if you carry your own connection to military service or trauma. You’re welcome to pause, come back later, or listen with someone beside you.

For the fallen, the survivors, and every heart that still carries that day:

We remember. Always.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

Send us a text

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. But “awareness” alone is not enough. In this episode of Structure & Scars, I take you through the long history of domestic violence—from ancient codes that sanctioned it, to the feminist movements that named it, to the modern legal system that still struggles to respond. We’ll unpack the ideology that fuels abuse, the biology that wires survivors into trauma bonds, and the housing, money, and custody battles that trap people in place. You’ll also hear about the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), why reauthorization matters, and how advocates continue to do impossible work with limited resources.

This isn’t just about awareness. It’s about context, accountability, and the real answers to the question survivors are so often asked: “Why don’t they just leave?”

If you or someone you know needs support, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com