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In this episode of Structure & Scars, we’re talking about the quiet, crushing guilt so many adult survivors carry during the holidays — the belief that you owe care, time, or emotional labor to a parent who never showed up for you.

We dive into what happens when the holidays weren’t magical growing up, but chaotic, unstable, or unsafe. We look at the false cultural “contract” that tells adult children they must care for aging parents, even when those parents caused harm. And we unpack why your body still feels obligated to reenact old survival roles — especially this time of year.

We also take a trauma-informed look at Christmas Vacation and the way Clark Griswold reenacts his own childhood wounds through holiday performance, perfectionism, and emotional overfunctioning. If you’ve ever felt the pressure to “hold the season together” or rewrite the disaster into a success, you’re not imagining it — that pressure has roots.

Together, we explore structural dissociation, holiday trauma, and what it means to choose peace, boundaries, and safety over obligation. You get permission to step out of survival mode and into a holiday that actually feels like yours.

And if you listen closely at the very end… you’ll hear Hawkins the German Shorthaired Pointer adding her own commentary — because even the dogs have thoughts about holiday chaos.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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This episode honors the lives lost in the Fort Hood shooting on November 5th, 2009. It includes a timeline, the names of the 13 fallen, and a moment of silence with a ceremonial bell toll.

There are no graphic details.
The attacker is not named.
The focus is on remembrance and respect.

Please take care as you listen — especially if you carry your own connection to military service or trauma. You’re welcome to pause, come back later, or listen with someone beside you.

For the fallen, the survivors, and every heart that still carries that day:

We remember. Always.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. But “awareness” alone is not enough. In this episode of Structure & Scars, I take you through the long history of domestic violence—from ancient codes that sanctioned it, to the feminist movements that named it, to the modern legal system that still struggles to respond. We’ll unpack the ideology that fuels abuse, the biology that wires survivors into trauma bonds, and the housing, money, and custody battles that trap people in place. You’ll also hear about the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), why reauthorization matters, and how advocates continue to do impossible work with limited resources.

This isn’t just about awareness. It’s about context, accountability, and the real answers to the question survivors are so often asked: “Why don’t they just leave?”

If you or someone you know needs support, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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In the aftermath of tragedy, the call for “new gun laws” is immediate and loud. But what about the laws we already have? In this episode of Structure & Scars, Nikki takes on a hard conversation: the vast gap between laws on paper and laws in practice.

From rural hospital closures and transportation barriers, to cuts in VOCA and VAWA funding, to the everyday realities of poverty and resource deserts — enforcement is often impossible because the systems that support it are collapsing. Case studies from Virginia Tech, Sutherland Springs, and Charleston show us that the laws existed. What failed was enforcement.

This isn’t about taking sides. It’s about education as advocacy, and about demanding accountability where it matters most. Because boring enforcement — clerks, databases, inspectors — is what saves lives.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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In this powerful episode of Structure & Scars, therapist Nikki Hensler Gordon shares the personal story behind her commitment to first responders. Before becoming a clinician, Nikki worked as a donor coordinator — a ‘last responder’ navigating the hardest nights of grieving families and coordinating the delicate process of organ and tissue donation.

Through those years, she witnessed firsthand the weight first responders carry, the dark humor that makes survival possible, and the scars that linger long after the sirens fade. She also experienced isolation, backlash, and institutional betrayal that shaped her understanding of trauma and resilience.

In this raw reflection, Nikki explains how her work in death care and victim services brought her full circle — from coordinating recoveries to supporting first responders in the aftermath of critical incidents. Her story is not about glamour or grit; it’s about scars, survival, and why standing alongside those who serve is her calling.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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This special 3-minute reflection honors the legacy of September 11th. Nikki Hensler Gordon speaks to the weight of memory, the courage of first responders and veterans, and the lasting impact carried by families and communities. With a trauma-informed lens, she reminds us that anniversaries live in the body — and that remembering is honoring, remembering is legacy.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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In this episode of Structure & Scars, host Nikki unpacks the July 2025 Executive Order titled “Ending Crime and Disorder on America’s Streets.” This isn’t a political rant. It’s a critical examination of how policy, when cloaked in language about safety, can actually deepen harm—especially for those already carrying the weight of systemic failures. You might hear a stumble or two—because this isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present

We’ll explore who this EO impacts most: veterans, disabled individuals, first responders, BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities, single parents, rural residents, and the mental health providers expected to clean up the fallout without resources or support. From bed shortages and burned-out medics to broken safety nets and biased discretion, this episode breaks down the real cost of “order” when care is nowhere in sight.

If you’ve ever felt like the system keeps asking more while offering less—this one’s for you

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com

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Memorial Day isn’t about burgers or sales—it’s about grief. This episode honors the ones who didn’t come home, and the weight we carry for them.

In this special Memorial Day episode of Structure & Scars, Nikki reflects on what this day truly means—not as a kickoff to summer, but as a moment of collective grief, memory, and reverence.

Drawing from her own family’s legacy of service, years spent leading community tributes, and her clinical work with veterans and first responders, Nikki unpacks the co-opting of Memorial Day, the emotional weight behind the Missing Man Table, and why calling them “heroes” often misses the point.

These weren’t superhumans. They were kids who did what needed to be done—and did it scared.

This is not a light episode.
But maybe it’s not supposed to be.

Structure & Scars
Unfiltered dialogue about the structures that shape us.

✉️ Continue the conversation: nikki@structureandscars.com