Send us Fan Mail

“Don’t Ever Change”- It sounds like one of the nicest things you could say to someone, or have someone say to you. Right?

It sounds loving, and it sounds like something you would say to someone you care about a lot. But what if it’s not loving? If you really sit with it, it just might be one of the worst pieces of advice that we have normalized as a society.

“Don’t Ever Change’.

What it means.. and what it says.. aren’t always the same.

Its sounds nice,for sure.

It also sounds supporting and comforting.

But underneath that, it can carry a different message:

Stay the same.

Stay familiar.

Stay predictable

And if we take it literally..

We are asking someone..

*To stop changing

*To stop growing

* And to stop evolving.

This goes against everything we are supposed to do as human beings.

We are not meant to stay the same.

We are meant to grow

We are meant to learn

To change our minds

And to think differently as we evolve.

“Don’t ever change”. Its Limitation. It’s a bad message buried inside a good one.

And we say it all the time…

We say it in relationships

We say it to our partners

We even say it to our kids.

And most of the time.. we don’t stop to think about what we are really saying or asking.

What we mean is love.

But what we are actually saying is Freeze.Stay as you are. Stay put.

Now, Before we go any further, I want to quickly define the three words for you:

They are not the same, but they are connected.

Change is action.

It’s the moment something shifts- your thinking, your behavior, or your perspective.

Growth is result.

It’s what happens when that change moves you forward- when you learn, improve or become better

And Evolution

is what happens over time. It’s the bigger picture- the way you develop and become someone different as those changes add up.

And without change, the other two don’t happen.

Growth, Change, and evolution should be a part of a relationship- not something that puts it at risk.

Because if two people are committed to growing then the patterns don’t break the relationship- they evolve with it.

Being in a relationship requires both people being willing to adjust the pattern as they both evolve.

This is something nobody talks about;

When you meet someone

You fall in love with them.

You build a life around who they are at that time.

Then: You get engaged.

Before you say “Yes”, I want you to know and understand that you are not marrying a finished product.

You a marrying a version. A moment in time. And that version is going to change.

And so are you.

The truth is:

· You are allowed to change- and you don’t need permission.

· You are allowed to change your mind

· To see things differently.

· To want different things than you once did.

· And You are allowed to become more.

And the right relationship.. the healthy one... don’t punish you for that.

And the right partner will be proud to stand next to someone who wants to grow, evolve and become the best version of themselves.

That’s reality.

"Keep on Keeping On"

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask Podcast

(949)236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

Today’s topic is on procrastination.

It’s probably safe to say that we have all procrastinated, if not, we still do.

Telling ourselves “I will do it tomorrow.” Putting things off. Waiting for the right time, the right mood, or waiting for a better version of ourselves to show up and handle it for us.

So today is about what procrastination really is, why we do it, what it’s costing us, and most importantly how to break the pattern.

Procrastination is the act of delaying something you know you should be doing, not because you can’t do it, but because you don’t feel like doing it.

At its core Procrastination is choosing short term comfort over long term results.

You may be saying “I work better under pressure”. Let me just say that sometimes that feels true. Deadlines can create urgency, and urgency can create focus. But you are not truly thriving under pressure, it’s not peak performance, it’s more like last minute survival.

And procrastinating takes its toll on you mentally and physically; effects that you don’t always notice until you are in recovery, until you start breaking the habit, because when you are in it, it just feels normal. But it’s not.

It drains your energy, and not because you are doing too much, but because you are carrying all that mental weight of things left undone, and that’s exhausting!

It shows up as anxiety- that lingering feeling that something is hanging over you.

Then you get irritable -because you are never fully at ease.

Then you feel guilty because you know what needs to be done-and it’s not getting done.

And the hardest part, and this really affects you, you can never fully relax. Even in your down time- there is that voice constantly saying “ get up and do the thing”

So, energy, anxiety, irritability, guilt and relaxation all slowly take their piece of your mind and body. That’s the cost. Is this how you want to feel every day?

There are other areas in life where procrastination becomes costly and the consequences are much bigger.

· First is your health:- Ignoring symptoms- delaying checkups- putting off exercise or nutritional changes you need.

· Relationships- avoiding important conversations, delaying apologies, and not addressing issues.

· Finances- bills, budgeting, and future financial planning- Wills, trusts, Life insurance-

· And opportunities- This is a big one! The call you didn’t make or return- The idea you didn’t act on-waiting too long to start something.

These are moments where procrastination doesn’t just delay progress it can change outcomes- the longer you wait, the fewer options you have- and sometimes they don’t come around twice.

Remember this..

The more you tell yourself you are a procrastinator, the more you believe it- it becomes a part of your identity- and then it becomes a cycle you will keep repeating.

So change your story.

you are not someone who waits.

You are someone who starts.

Procrastination is something you have to learn to master before it becomes the assassin of your dreams.

If you don’t learn to master it- Fear will step in. It will cloud your thinking and will convince you to wait- but if you keep waiting- you don’t move.

Have the courage to start now, even if you just start small.

So decide.

Start.

And move forward.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949)236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

Most of us think that getting dressed every day Is just something we have to do, just another day, another outfit.

Maybe for some of you, getting dressed is about personal style, or what looks good, or maybe it’s just about putting something on and moving on with your day. But there is a layer underneath all of that ,that most of us are not paying attention to, and that is COLOR. Whether you realize it or not, the colors you choose to wear are shaping how you are perceived every single day.

Color is communication.

Color is one of the most powerful and immediate forms of nonverbal communication, it communicates things like, energy, identity, mood, status, color communicates your culture, before a single word is spoken. Color gives people information about you to interpret, and most of this happens quickly and automatically.

When you start to see your clothing colors as communication, getting dressed will stop being a random act and will start to become intentional because you are choosing what you want your color choices to say.

Colors carry certain associations, not because of rules, but because of patterns in how our brain responds to light, contrast and what we are used to seeing.

Some colors feel stronger. Some feel calmer. Some draw attention while other colors don’t.

Colors don’t just look different, they really do communicate differently.

Navy Blue: Navy Blue is one of the most universally trusted and arguably the #1 power color globally and it’s the most well received color. Blue communicates; competence, trust, calm, & stability. This is why you see it so often in business and professional environments.

Black:

Black is one of the strongest colors you can wear. Black is the ultimate power color in fashion and formal contexts. It communicates authority, control and sophistication, its “armor”, it reveals nothing, and commands everything!

Charcoal Gray: this is the quieter cousin of black. Grey communicates, serious, established, and unshakable and is Universally respected in professional settings.

Red: Red is a statement-it is the color of dominance. It commands power and energy, it communicates confidence, energy and presence and it draws attention immediately. Red is the color you wear when you want to be noticed.

White: white on the other hand is the opposite energy of black. White has a different kind of power- white really isn’t a “power color” in the same way as black, navy blue, red and grey. White communicates clarity, cleanliness, and simplicity.

There are so many colors, but NOT every color is meant to communicate power- and that is actually a good thing- Power isn’t always the goal.

Sometimes the goal is:

*to feel approachable

*to feel relaxed and feel like yourself

* and sometimes the goal is not to intimidate people.

Those stronger, power colors communicate authority and structure.

But softer colors , like brown, beige and other neutral colors communicate something different.

They communicate approachability, grounded, and they communicate a more relaxed feel- they don’t demand attention.

At the end of the day color isn’t about following strict rules, it’s not about getting it right or wrong, it’s about awareness.

Remember Color is a tool- and when you start using it that way- your image doesn’t just look better- it makes more sense- and people respond to that.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask-A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949) 236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

The word superstition originally was used to describe an excessive fear of supernatural forces. Today the description of superstition is:

A belief or behavior meant to influence luck or avoid harm, without scientific proof. This doesn’t mean they are meaningless, because Psychologically Superstitions give us something very real. They give us a sense of control, and you know WE humans do not like uncertainty. We like to feel like we have some say in what happens next, even when we don’t. We hope, sometimes without realizing it, that if we do the “thing” the right way, everything will turn out ok.

You know that space between hope and fear? that is where superstition lives, and I want to explore it along with you.

Most superstitions trace back to ancient cultures trying to make sense of the world they could not explain.

Before science, before medicine, before we understood weather or illness or coincidence, people creating meaning through patterns:

They believed that:

_spirits lived in nature

_words had power

_and people believed that certain actions could protect them, or harm them, So those beliefs became superstitions, and over time those superstitions turned into rituals.

Even though we have science, data, and explanations for almost everything, superstitions haven’t disappeared, they have adapted, you see them everywhere now, just in different forms:

Instead of…

*The Black Cats Superstition

*Walking under a Ladder is bad luck

*And Broken Mirror

Superstitions new modern form is: We hear them in the way we "speak".

We now say things like:

_Don’t jinx it

_ that’s bad karma

_just my luck

_that’s a sign

We have modernized our language, but the behavior is exactly the same.

Today, people don’t use superstitions in the way they were originally intended. People once believed that superstitions could actually influence outcomes-like prevent harm or bring good luck- but in modern times, they are less about changing what happens- and more about helping us feel calm, grounded and alittle more control in uncertain moments. This doesn’t mean they are useless- instead they function more as:

*a tool for managing anxiety

* creating a sense of control as I mentioned

*and they are used to mentally prepare us for something important.

Superstitions today have become small rituals that help us feel calm-

Maybe that’s why they have lasted.

Superstitions stick around for 3 reasons:

#1 As humans We look for patterns,

#2- We seek control & comfort in uncertainty,

#3-we are drawn to meaning & mystery- even when we know it might not be real- we don’t fully believe in them-but we also don’t fully let them go.

They have survived centuries, across cultures and across generations, not because people are irrational, but because they serve real psychological functions: reducing anxiety, creating routine, and binding communities together. Superstitions are in a sense , humanities oldest coping mechanism. The specific beliefs change with culture and era, but the underlying need never really does change.

We all want to feel safe- in control- and we want to believe that our actions matter- So we knock on wood- cross our fingers, and say things “just in case”. Again; Not because we fully believe, but because a small part of us still wonders…what if it does work??

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949) 236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

See No Evil- Hear no Evil- Speak no Evil. You have heard & seen this before. Three Monkeys covering their eyes, ears, and mouth.

While its premise seems simple, this phrase actually holds a powerful lesson. It’s about “mastering” how you move through the world, how you protect your mind, your actions, and your influence so you do not become part of what’s wrong with the world, and that’s where self- discipline plays a crucial role.

See No Evil

The modern meaning: Don’t look at bad things

The original meaning: Be mindful of what you allow into your mind.

What you see& consume….All media- gossip & negativity -all of these shape your thoughts, emotions and assumptions and become mental input.

YOU and only you are responsible for your mental diet. You don’t have to “absorb” everything you SEE.

Hear No Evil

Modern meaning- Don’t listen to Bad things.

The original meaning- Be selective about what you believe and internalize.

Not Everything you hear deserves your belief- and a seat in your mind.

Opinions, criticism, fear, gossip, they are everywhere.

Just because something is said and you hear it- doesn’t make it true- and definitely doesn’t make it useful.

Speak No evil-

The modern meaning- Don’t say bad things

The original meaning- take responsibility for the impact of your words.

This one isn’t about staying quiet.

it’s about being accountable/taking responsibility for what you contribute into the world. – once something leaves your mouth-it doesn’t belong to you anymore-it affects other people.

Before speaking, try and use a simple filter:

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

And is it constructive?

Again, this isn’t about silence. Your output is the one part you fully control. Think before you talk and choose your words carefully- choose words that reflect your values and purpose- meaning-speak in a way that aligns with what you stand for- and aim to use your words to inform, help or build- NOT to harm.

It’s the only part of this you Fully control.

The Modern Balance

Here is where this gets even more important- There is criticism about this philosophy, because it is often misunderstood as passive. As if the goal is to: look the other way, stay quiet, and avoid conflict, but that’s not the original intent, that’s avoidance.

True discipline isn’t avoidance it's:

* the acknowledgement of reality

* Filtering input

*responding intentionally

*And speaking responsibly

You can see, hear and speak with awareness without becoming part of the negativity.

You can be aware of what’s happening in the world & acknowledge reality, speak up when it matters, and still chose not to absorb or spread what’s harmful.

Remember:

You don’t control everything you see-

You don’t control everything you hear-

BUT you DO control:

*what you Take in

*what you hold onto

*and you control what you put back out into the world- and that’s where this whole idea lives- not in avoiding, BUT in Awareness, responsibility and choice…that’s where your super power is.

See clearly

Hear intentionally

Speak responsibly

And don’t let everything you come across become a part of you.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949)236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

If you are a human being you have heard the phrase “Keeping up with the Joneses”. It is a phrase that has been alive, and used for over a hundred years, since 1913. It was originally from a comic strip(of the same name) about a family trying to match the lifestyle of their rich neighbors. That comic strip has become a cultural reference for the pressure to maintain a certain social status.

The idea was simple: No matter how much we had - it never felt like enough if someone else had more.

And here we are today…over 100 years later STILL feeling the exact same way, but now it’s not just our “Joneses” (neighbors ) it’s everyone. “Keeping up with Everyone”, we are now comparing what we have, to what the entire world has.

Have you ever noticed how people in general are so comfortable saying they want enough to be Happy. BUT, when it comes to saying they love money & want to be wealthy, they get uncomfortable?

Why is it that wanting a lot of money- and saying it out loud, sound so wrong and greedy.

It’s okay to want money, and to want more of it.

That doesn’t make you greedy. That makes you human.

How you relate to money; that’s where everything changes.

Greed isn’t just about loving & wanting more-,Greed is wanting more at any cost:

*At the Cost of your time

* your relationships

* at the cost of your peace of mind..

* and most of all: At the cost of your integrity. Meaning you are willing to comprise your values, relationships, or honesty to get it.

That’s when it shifts from something “healthy" into Greed.

Just to clarify- Greed is the excessive desire, not just for money- but for possessions, power & status.

I have learned to think when it comes to spending money.. “is this “worth” my time, and is it going to improve my life? Remember, everything you buy costs you a piece of your life.

Money on its own is neutral.

It’s not good . It’s not bad. Money is just a tool.

In fact- it does a lot of good:

There is research out there to show that as your income increases so does your Emotional Wellbeing.

Money actually gives & buys you several things…

* it gives you options

*it gives you stress relief

* it gives you fewer daily worries

* and money buys you FREEDOM- it gives you control over your time. And having control over your time, that’s a powerful kind of freedom. With this being said, it isn’t just about time, it’s about what comes with freedom, it buys breathing room , less stress, being more present, it buys your health. And we all know, less stress =’s a healthier you.

When you remove constant money stress from your life, you actually create a space for happiness. Money doesn’t “buy” happiness, BUT it absolutely buys relief. And that matters.

Nobody is happy all the time- that’s not how life works. Happiness comes and goes.

The better saying should be “ Money doesn’t buy happiness- but it does by relief, and relief is powerful”

Money can remove stress, pressure, and constant worry.. and that kind of relief shows up in your life every single day.

The goal isn’t to keep up with your neighbors- friends or people you don’t even know. Always keep in mind that we are all earning differently- spending differently and living differently- and again, that’s ok.

The goal should be to build a life that actually feels good to you!

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949) 236-1529 (text)

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

I am going light and fun on today’s topic. I want to share with you Ten, “Old school Household Rules” that were once standard in well run homes and considered part of running a respectable home.

They are not easy- but they actually work.

They made sense, and still make sense- and not just for appearances- but they make sense for your mental health, your physical health, and honestly, just making life easier.

#1-THE BED.

Let’s start with something we have all heard, every self-improvement book tells you that you should make your bed every morning.

And if you have every thought to yourself “does that really work” yes. it does. And has for centuries. It was once considered a “non-negotiable” in many homes, including mine.

#2- Sheets.

Speaking of Sheets.

Bed sheets should be washed every week- in hot water:

Old school homes were strict about this, and of course they were right. Your sheets get sweat ,oils, and skin cells- (everything your body sheds is) on them!

#3- Bathroom

Now the Bathroom is the room where etiquette and hygiene completely overlap.

-The TOILET SEAT goes down. It looks cleaner, it prevents things from accidentally falling in, and it is more polite for the next user.

#4- Guest Bathrooms were always “ready”

#5- Open your windows every day.

Before air conditioning was common, homes were aired out every day.

#6 DUSTING:

Dusting the house was a scheduled event, usually Saturday mornings- so try and follow suit- weekly dustings keep your home healthier.

#7 Shoes:

Shoes stayed at the door. They were a no -go inside. The reason was cleanliness and respect. Shoes track in dirt, pesticides , heavy metals, and bacteria into your house, they also track in Bad Energy.

#8 Kitchen:

The classic rule” leave the house ready for morning”- and the “kitchen is closed when dishes are done”.

#9- Kitchen table:

Your kitchen table WAS /and is still an old etiquette that is encouraged- a social hub- it was considered the “anchor of the home”- not just a place to eat.

#10- Breakfast- rounding out the top

Is an old school rule that we don’t hear much about anymore it was how you started your morning- and one old school rule that never got debated. BREAKFAST was not optional.

None of this is about perfection- it’s about Creating a home that feels good to live in- it's clean, calm and taken care of. And when you think about it, that affects everything; your mood, your health, and your relationships. Your home is where your mental and physical health start. That being said, IT should be one of your priorities.

I do know we are not living in the 1950’s ,but some of these “rules” really do make life easier, simpler, cleaner and more connected.

Listen to full episode for more.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949) 236-1529 (text)

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Send us Fan Mail

A Virtue is both a quality and a habit. It’s not just something you believe in. It’s something you practice until it becomes a part of who you are.

Some of the most common virtues:

Honesty

Courage

Kindness

Integrity

And Loyalty

A virtue is a good quality of character. They are the character traits that make you trustworthy, dependable, honorable and good to others.

A virtue is also a habit; a habit of doing what is right over and over again until it becomes part of who you are. Virtues are built through repetition.

Virtues were often talked about as the “opposite” of what are known as the 7 deadly sins. Those include: pride, greed, envy, and anger. Where those qualities, the 7 deadly sin qualities, tend to breakdown trust and pull people apart, VIRTUES are the qualities that build trust and hold relationships together.

Today I want to focus on one of the most important Virtues when it comes to all of your relationships, and that is loyalty.

Loyalty is the quality of remaining committed to someone or something through both good and bad moments- it means standing by the people you care about and honoring the relationships you have chosen.

Loyalty is a quality that most of us say that we value- we want loyal friends, loyal partners & loyal family members. We want people who we trust to stand beside us.

Without loyalty in your relationships you may start to feel uncertain about where you stand.

Loyalty is often misunderstood.

Loyalty is NOT blind obedience and it’s NOT staying in harmful situations.

Loyalty is:

Commitment

Reliability

Standing by someone you love

And choosing your “relationship” when things get hard.

This is where loyalty matters most- and that is your romantic relationships.

When you chose to spend to build and spend your life with someone- loyalty becomes the foundation that keeps your relationship stable and secure.

Relationships inevitable experience stress, disappointments, and periods of uncertainty- Attraction may fluctuate, responsibilities grow heavier and life becomes complicated. Loyalty provides reassurance that both people are committed to protecting the relationship during those times and you feel like you are on the same team, and working toward the same future.

Committed relationships rely on 3 major pillars:

Trust

Respect

And loyalty

When it comes to loyalty in a relationship most people think about “physical cheating”-but loyalty is much broader than that. it shows up as emotional loyalty, physical loyalty, and in how you protect your relationship.

Today, it feels like “loyalty is fading out”, relationships are ending at record speed, marriages are 50/50 divorce rates, friendships feel temporary ,families seem to be growing distant, and even workplaces today operate like short term arrangements.

Many people feel that loyalty is not really a “thing” anymore. It’s definitely not what it used to be.

Our culture now celebrates independence, instant satisfaction, and walking away. Technology makes it easy to imagine endless alternatives, and constant competition encourage self focus- and - ADD to that the fact that fewer of us grow up seeing loyalty modeled, no wonder long term commitment feels much harder today.

Two people who repeatedly chose commitment, trust, and loyalty to each other- this is why loyalty remains one of the most meaningful virtues a person can have.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949) 236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask