This episode is a little different. I share a personal reflection on crossing invisible thresholds, tapering Zoloft, and learning to meet existential dread not as breakdown, but as initiation. Through memories of fear, medication, spiritual seeking, and the slow return of raw aliveness, this episode explores what it means to stand at the edge of the void and listen for what it has to say.

I cover:

•How tapering Zoloft is bringing me back to the edge of fear, meaning, and spiritual initiation.

•The history of antidepressants and their role in emotional processing

•What happens when medication falls away and the deeper questions return: fear, aliveness, and the threshold of initiation.

Chapters:

00:00 Crossing Invisible Thresholds

05:25 Experiencing the Edge of Reality

07:14 The Evolution of Psychopharmacology

09:30 The Cultural Shift in Mental Health

12:02 Tapering Off Medication: A Personal Journey

14:55 Embracing the Void: A New Perspective

17:27 The Process of Tapering and Its Challenges

20:17 Finding Meaning in the Void

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This episode features Tracey Walker, a death doula, educator, and funeral professional with a background in both human and animal medicine. She shares her journey from working as a paramedic and veterinary technician to finding her calling in holistic death care.

Tracey discusses the cultural taboos surrounding death, the parallels between birth and dying, and how preparing for the end of life can lead to a more intentional and peaceful experience. Follow her on instagram @deathdouladiva

About Tracey Walker:

• Death Doula (End-of-Life Doula) and educator in medicine and death care.
• Funeral professional currently working in a funeral home setting.
• Former paramedic with experience in emergency, acute, and palliative care.
• Licensed veterinary technician with a background in primatology and animal medicine.
• Specialist in helping humans navigate the death of their animal companions.

Topics:

• Origin story: From a childhood fascination with dead animals to a career in medicine.
• The transition from medical "death-adjacent" work to holistic death doula care.
• Parallels between the biological processes of birth and death.
• The concept of a "good death" and the role of privilege and acceptance.
• Dealing with death anxiety, religious influences, and the "fire and brimstone" spectrum.
• Practical steps for end-of-life preparation to ease the burden on loved ones.
• The science and "woo-woo" of death: Energy, hormones, and what happens when the body shuts down.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction and Tracey’s Origin Story
• 02:45 Discovering the Role of a Death Doula
• 03:38 Career in Emergency and Veterinary Medicine
• 05:42 Finding Calm in the Presence of Death
• 06:53 Fear vs. Practicality in End-of-Life Care
• 09:36 Conversations and Taboos Around Dying
• 11:17 Religion, Culture, and the Middle Ground
• 12:26 How the Body Knows How to Die
• 14:00 Parallels Between Birth and Death
• 15:59 What Makes a "Good Death"?
• 18:15 Acceptance and Supporting the Dying Process
• 19:57 Life as Preparation for Death
• 21:30 Discussing the Afterlife and NDEs
• 23:25 Energy, Science, and the "Woo-Woo" of Death
• 25:03 The Importance of Death Literacy
• 27:04 Cultural Shifts in Grieving Practices
• 27:55 Understanding Grief: A Complex Journey
• 32:47 Transformations at the End of Life
• 38:18 The Role of Death Doulas in Care
• 43:45 Medical Perspectives on Death and Dying
• 47:30 Why Talking About Death Makes Life Bigger

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This episode features Kristen Ulmer, a former world-famous extreme skier once celebrated as the "most fearless woman" in her sport. She shares how her perceived fearlessness was actually an unconscious, high-risk "love affair with fear." After retiring, she reflected on what her career taught her, leading her to coach others on how to embrace their fear rather than resist it.

About Kristen Ulmer:

• Former professional extreme skier, named the most fearless woman athlete in North America.
• Spent 12 years as the best woman big-mountain extreme skier, starring in films and pioneering first descents.
• High-performance facilitator and thought leader on fear and anxiety.
• Long-time student of Zen and a voice dialogue facilitator.
• Author of The Art of Fear: Why Conquering Fear Won’t Work and What to Do Instead.

Topics:

• From a meek, shy kid to a world-famous extreme danger athlete.
• Her "love affair with fear": addiction to adrenaline and feeling intensely alive.
• The turning point: retiring and realizing she didn't understand fear.
• Fear as a person living in your body: shifting from resistance to relationship.
• What "intimacy with fear" actually feels like in the body.
• Flow states, extreme sports, and why the best danger athletes relate to fear differently.

Chapters:

• 00:00 Introduction to Fear and Kristen Ulmer's Journey
• 03:43 The Relationship Between Fear and Anxiety
• 06:45 From Unconscious to Conscious: Kristen's Athletic Career
• 08:25 The Love Affair with Fear
• 11:24 The Message: Embracing Fear Instead of Conquering It
• 14:05 The Transition to Teaching and Facilitating
• 17:06 Secrets of High-Performance Athletes
• 19:38 Understanding Intimacy with Fear
• 22:31 Resistance vs. Intimacy: The Key to Flow
• 25:02 Practical Advice for Managing Panic and Anxiety
• 28:02 The Nature of Fear and Its Manifestations
• 30:17 Rethinking Mental Health: The War on Fear
• 31:43 Levels of Dealing with Fear: From Resistance to Intimacy
• 36:09 Embracing Fear: The Path to Intimacy
• 39:03 The Role of Trauma in Anxiety Disorders
• 41:09 Zen Influence: Handling Fear in Life and Sports
• 45:16 Choosing to Embrace Fear in Sports and Life
• 52:29 The Control of Thoughts and Positivity
• 53:29 Rethinking Anxiety Management
• 54:51 The Cost of Resistance
• 57:44 The Domino Effect of Fear
• 01:00:09 Intimacy with Emotions
• 01:03:02 Navigating Fear and Control
• 01:04:53 The Spiritual Component of Fear
• 01:13:47 Embracing Fear as a Messenger

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