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The Gen Mess with Tess

The Gen Mess with Tess

Written by: WRKdefined Podcast Network
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Host Tess Brigham (licensed therapist, certified coach) tackles the generational challenges and complexities of navigating life and work. From the unique struggles of Gen Z to the evolving perspectives of Millennials, Gen X, and Boomers, Tess offers practical advice, expert insights, and real conversations to bridge the generational gap in the workplace.All rights reserved by WRKdefined Careers Economics Hygiene & Healthy Living Management Management & Leadership Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • Ep 81: The Emotional Cost of Surviving Cancer (with guests Hollye Jacobs & Dev Meenagh)

    Ep 81: The Emotional Cost of Surviving Cancer (with guests Hollye Jacobs & Dev Meenagh)
    Oct 7 2026
    This episode examines what happens after breast cancer treatment ends, and why the emotional, relational, and identity-based damage from a cancer diagnosis often goes unaddressed by the medical system. Tess Brigham, a therapist and breast cancer survivor, speaks with Hollye Jacobs, a nurse, social worker, and resilience coach who was diagnosed at 39, and Dev Meenagh, who was diagnosed at 28. Together they discuss the gap between ringing the bell and actually feeling better, what fear of recurrence looks like years after treatment ends, how relationships shift when a partner becomes a caregiver, and why connecting with people who have lived the same experience can be more useful than clinical support alone. Listeners will also hear practical grounding tools for managing anxiety and why the assumption that survivorship has an end date is itself part of the problem. KEY TAKEAWAYS When genetic testing tells you that you do not have the breast cancer gene, it means you do not have one of the 12 to 15 genes currently being tested, not that the disease is not hereditary in your family. The emotional and relational damage from cancer treatment is just as real as the physical damage, and it often goes unaddressed once active treatment ends. Two people can go through the same cancer treatment and have completely different physical experiences, from working through chemo without missing a day of work to being hospitalized twice. When a partner becomes a caregiver during treatment, the equality and intimacy that held the relationship together can erode in ways that are hard to see in the moment. The hardest part of a cancer diagnosis is often not the treatment itself but the period after it ends, when support disappears and everyone around you assumes you are fine. Fear of recurrence does not go away with time. It can still arrive, without warning, sixteen years after treatment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique works because the brain cannot simultaneously process a structured sensory sequence and a fear spiral. Name five things you see, four you physically feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. An app or support community made up of people who have been through the same experience provides a qualitatively different kind of support than clinical care or well-meaning friends and family. Survivorship is not a destination. It is an ongoing process that continues for years and sometimes decades after active treatment ends. Choosing to look for what a difficult experience is teaching you, rather than asking why it happened to you, is a learnable approach, not a personality trait. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Why cancer opens a club you never wanted to join 01:42 - What treatment looks like when it hits harder than expected 03:37 - Why a negative genetic test does not mean what most people think 09:42 - How the same treatment can feel completely different for different people 14:05 - What happens to a relationship when a partner becomes the caregiver 16:00 - Why finishing treatment can feel like a free fall 19:12 - What the now-what moment looks like from inside 27:28 - How Cancer Buddy helps survivors find people who truly get it 35:17 - Why finding meaning in hard things is different from toxic positivity 39:59 - Three practical tools for managing fear of recurrence
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    59 mins
  • Ep 80: Reframe Your Relationship With Alcohol (guest: Vedant Pradeep)

    Ep 80: Reframe Your Relationship With Alcohol (guest: Vedant Pradeep)
    Sep 30 2026
    For decades, there were two options when your drinking became a problem: a 12-step program or a residential treatment center. Both carries stigma, both requires a label, and neither fits the vast majority of people who weren't maybe physically addicted but were drinking more than they wanted to. In this episode, Tess sits down with Vedant Pradeep, co-founder of Reframe, an app for helping people reduce their alcohol intake or quit drinking altogether. With six million downloads and research partnerships at Emory and Harvard, Reframe was built on a simple but powerful idea: you have agency over your behavior, and the path to change is built through neuroscience, habit loops, and self-efficacy, not shame and labels. Vedant and Tess go deep on the 12-step model's core assumption, that you are powerless, and why it may be the very thing that keeps people stuck. They explore what it actually looks like when you stop avoiding triggers and start rewiring the loops underneath them. They also get into the surprising data on private drinking and loneliness in younger generations, why "Damp January" outperforms "Dry January" for lasting change, and what GLP-1 medications might do for addiction treatment the way SSRIs did for mental health. What listeners will learn: Why the 12-step model's self-efficacy problem may be keeping more people stuck than it helps The difference between the "I can't drink" identity and the "I don't drink" identity, and why one word changes everything What loneliness, boredom, and stress data reveal about why Gen Z is drinking more privately than publicly Why small experiments like Damp January outperform total abstinence commitments for most people, including a stat that may surprise you How to use an app as a diagnostic: what it means if you try to cut back and genuinely can't What the 66-day habit change science says about why 28-day insurance-covered programs often fail Reframe Med: how the app now connects users with naltrexone prescriptions for people whose cravings need more than behavioral change Why Vedant believes GLP-1 medications could do for addiction what Prozac did for depression What listeners will learn: CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Vedant Pradeep and What Is Reframe 01:14 Origin Story: From OCD Research to Spotting a Gap in Alcohol Support 03:27 Why Reframe Chose Neuroscience Over the 12-Step Model 06:23 The Spectrum of Alcohol Use: Mindful Moderation vs. Abstinence 09:56 How Neural Pathways Drive Drinking Habits (And How to Rewire Them) 11:26 The Identity Shift: "I Don't Drink" vs. "I Can't Drink" 12:19 Gen Z, Loneliness, and the Rise of Private Drinking 17:07 The Moment That Starts Change: Relationship Crisis as Catalyst 22:10 Why Damp January Works Better Than Dry January for Most People 28:32 The Insurance Problem: Why 28-Day Programs Fall Short of the Science 35:12 What's Next for Reframe: Peak Human Condition and Reframe Med 43:00 GLP-1 Medications and the Future of Addiction Treatment GUEST AND RESOURCE CREDITS Guest: Vedant Pradeep, Co-Founder, Reframe App: Reframe available on iOS and Android Download/site: reframeapp.com
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    49 mins
  • Ep 79: Why Gen X Wears Not Caring Like a Badge of Honor

    Ep 79: Why Gen X Wears Not Caring Like a Badge of Honor
    Sep 23 2026
    Ask a Gen Xer how they're doing and watch what happens. They'll say they're "fine." Somewhere along the way, a generation turned that into an identity one that prides itself on low maintenance, toughness, and some who is never going to make a big deal out of anything. Host Tess Brigham makes the case that this isn't actually who Gen X is. It's who they had to become. And the real cost isn't the armor itself. It's what happened when they started wearing it like a medal. Drawing on research into latchkey kids, family systems theory, and Trevor Noah's concept that we can only dream in the shape of what we've actually seen, Tess unpacks where the "I don't need anything" posture came from, what it built, and how it impacts the day to day lives of Gen X and the people they care about. What listeners will learn: What the 1984 research on latchkey kids actually found, and why self-reliance wasn't a philosophy Gen X chose Why the "I don't care" posture isn't indifference, it's armor that had a very specific job at a very specific age Murray Bowen's family systems research on over-functioning, and why staying constantly capable is often about managing anxiety, not just being responsible Why Gen Z doesn't actually irritate Gen X The difference between a person who is genuinely at peace and a person who has gotten very good at not showing you the alternative A single reflection question to carry into the week CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 01:32 What It Really Means to Say "I'm Fine": The Gen X Identity 02:00 The Research: Latchkey Kids and What Self-Reliance Actually Built 03:42 You Can Only Dream in the Shape of What You've Seen 05:18 The Armor: Why "I Don't Care" Was Never Indifference 06:45 Bowen's Family Systems Theory: Overfunctioning and the Anxiety Underneath It 08:15 Why Gen Z Irritates Gen X (It's Not What You Think) 09:24 What Gen X Actually Cares About — And Never Got Permission to Say 10:15 When Do You Get to Put the Armor Down? 11:00 The Reflection Exercise: A Question to Sit With This Week Listen now, and subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.
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    13 mins
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