Episodes

  • Ep 81: The Emotional Cost of Surviving Cancer (with guests Hollye Jacobs & Dev Meenagh)

    Ep 81: The Emotional Cost of Surviving Cancer (with guests Hollye Jacobs & Dev Meenagh)
    Oct 7 2026
    This episode examines what happens after breast cancer treatment ends, and why the emotional, relational, and identity-based damage from a cancer diagnosis often goes unaddressed by the medical system. Tess Brigham, a therapist and breast cancer survivor, speaks with Hollye Jacobs, a nurse, social worker, and resilience coach who was diagnosed at 39, and Dev Meenagh, who was diagnosed at 28. Together they discuss the gap between ringing the bell and actually feeling better, what fear of recurrence looks like years after treatment ends, how relationships shift when a partner becomes a caregiver, and why connecting with people who have lived the same experience can be more useful than clinical support alone. Listeners will also hear practical grounding tools for managing anxiety and why the assumption that survivorship has an end date is itself part of the problem. KEY TAKEAWAYS When genetic testing tells you that you do not have the breast cancer gene, it means you do not have one of the 12 to 15 genes currently being tested, not that the disease is not hereditary in your family. The emotional and relational damage from cancer treatment is just as real as the physical damage, and it often goes unaddressed once active treatment ends. Two people can go through the same cancer treatment and have completely different physical experiences, from working through chemo without missing a day of work to being hospitalized twice. When a partner becomes a caregiver during treatment, the equality and intimacy that held the relationship together can erode in ways that are hard to see in the moment. The hardest part of a cancer diagnosis is often not the treatment itself but the period after it ends, when support disappears and everyone around you assumes you are fine. Fear of recurrence does not go away with time. It can still arrive, without warning, sixteen years after treatment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique works because the brain cannot simultaneously process a structured sensory sequence and a fear spiral. Name five things you see, four you physically feel, three you hear, two you smell, one you taste. An app or support community made up of people who have been through the same experience provides a qualitatively different kind of support than clinical care or well-meaning friends and family. Survivorship is not a destination. It is an ongoing process that continues for years and sometimes decades after active treatment ends. Choosing to look for what a difficult experience is teaching you, rather than asking why it happened to you, is a learnable approach, not a personality trait. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Why cancer opens a club you never wanted to join 01:42 - What treatment looks like when it hits harder than expected 03:37 - Why a negative genetic test does not mean what most people think 09:42 - How the same treatment can feel completely different for different people 14:05 - What happens to a relationship when a partner becomes the caregiver 16:00 - Why finishing treatment can feel like a free fall 19:12 - What the now-what moment looks like from inside 27:28 - How Cancer Buddy helps survivors find people who truly get it 35:17 - Why finding meaning in hard things is different from toxic positivity 39:59 - Three practical tools for managing fear of recurrence
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    59 mins
  • Ep 80: Reframe Your Relationship With Alcohol (guest: Vedant Pradeep)

    Ep 80: Reframe Your Relationship With Alcohol (guest: Vedant Pradeep)
    Sep 30 2026
    For decades, there were two options when your drinking became a problem: a 12-step program or a residential treatment center. Both carries stigma, both requires a label, and neither fits the vast majority of people who weren't maybe physically addicted but were drinking more than they wanted to. In this episode, Tess sits down with Vedant Pradeep, co-founder of Reframe, an app for helping people reduce their alcohol intake or quit drinking altogether. With six million downloads and research partnerships at Emory and Harvard, Reframe was built on a simple but powerful idea: you have agency over your behavior, and the path to change is built through neuroscience, habit loops, and self-efficacy, not shame and labels. Vedant and Tess go deep on the 12-step model's core assumption, that you are powerless, and why it may be the very thing that keeps people stuck. They explore what it actually looks like when you stop avoiding triggers and start rewiring the loops underneath them. They also get into the surprising data on private drinking and loneliness in younger generations, why "Damp January" outperforms "Dry January" for lasting change, and what GLP-1 medications might do for addiction treatment the way SSRIs did for mental health. What listeners will learn: Why the 12-step model's self-efficacy problem may be keeping more people stuck than it helps The difference between the "I can't drink" identity and the "I don't drink" identity, and why one word changes everything What loneliness, boredom, and stress data reveal about why Gen Z is drinking more privately than publicly Why small experiments like Damp January outperform total abstinence commitments for most people, including a stat that may surprise you How to use an app as a diagnostic: what it means if you try to cut back and genuinely can't What the 66-day habit change science says about why 28-day insurance-covered programs often fail Reframe Med: how the app now connects users with naltrexone prescriptions for people whose cravings need more than behavioral change Why Vedant believes GLP-1 medications could do for addiction what Prozac did for depression What listeners will learn: CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Vedant Pradeep and What Is Reframe 01:14 Origin Story: From OCD Research to Spotting a Gap in Alcohol Support 03:27 Why Reframe Chose Neuroscience Over the 12-Step Model 06:23 The Spectrum of Alcohol Use: Mindful Moderation vs. Abstinence 09:56 How Neural Pathways Drive Drinking Habits (And How to Rewire Them) 11:26 The Identity Shift: "I Don't Drink" vs. "I Can't Drink" 12:19 Gen Z, Loneliness, and the Rise of Private Drinking 17:07 The Moment That Starts Change: Relationship Crisis as Catalyst 22:10 Why Damp January Works Better Than Dry January for Most People 28:32 The Insurance Problem: Why 28-Day Programs Fall Short of the Science 35:12 What's Next for Reframe: Peak Human Condition and Reframe Med 43:00 GLP-1 Medications and the Future of Addiction Treatment GUEST AND RESOURCE CREDITS Guest: Vedant Pradeep, Co-Founder, Reframe App: Reframe available on iOS and Android Download/site: reframeapp.com
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    49 mins
  • Ep 79: Why Gen X Wears Not Caring Like a Badge of Honor

    Ep 79: Why Gen X Wears Not Caring Like a Badge of Honor
    Sep 23 2026
    Ask a Gen Xer how they're doing and watch what happens. They'll say they're "fine." Somewhere along the way, a generation turned that into an identity one that prides itself on low maintenance, toughness, and some who is never going to make a big deal out of anything. Host Tess Brigham makes the case that this isn't actually who Gen X is. It's who they had to become. And the real cost isn't the armor itself. It's what happened when they started wearing it like a medal. Drawing on research into latchkey kids, family systems theory, and Trevor Noah's concept that we can only dream in the shape of what we've actually seen, Tess unpacks where the "I don't need anything" posture came from, what it built, and how it impacts the day to day lives of Gen X and the people they care about. What listeners will learn: What the 1984 research on latchkey kids actually found, and why self-reliance wasn't a philosophy Gen X chose Why the "I don't care" posture isn't indifference, it's armor that had a very specific job at a very specific age Murray Bowen's family systems research on over-functioning, and why staying constantly capable is often about managing anxiety, not just being responsible Why Gen Z doesn't actually irritate Gen X The difference between a person who is genuinely at peace and a person who has gotten very good at not showing you the alternative A single reflection question to carry into the week CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement 01:32 What It Really Means to Say "I'm Fine": The Gen X Identity 02:00 The Research: Latchkey Kids and What Self-Reliance Actually Built 03:42 You Can Only Dream in the Shape of What You've Seen 05:18 The Armor: Why "I Don't Care" Was Never Indifference 06:45 Bowen's Family Systems Theory: Overfunctioning and the Anxiety Underneath It 08:15 Why Gen Z Irritates Gen X (It's Not What You Think) 09:24 What Gen X Actually Cares About — And Never Got Permission to Say 10:15 When Do You Get to Put the Armor Down? 11:00 The Reflection Exercise: A Question to Sit With This Week Listen now, and subscribe to The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.
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    13 mins
  • Ep 78: How Too Much Information Is Paralyzing Younger Generation (with guest Dr. Suzanne Degges-White)

    Ep 78: How Too Much Information Is Paralyzing Younger Generation (with guest Dr. Suzanne Degges-White)
    Sep 16 2026
    There's a name for what a lot of young people are doing right now, and it's not laziness. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White calls it life shelving: the decision to put the big stuff on hold because the weight of choosing feels like too much. In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Degges-White, licensed counselor, professor of counselor education at Northern Illinois University, longtime Psychology Today contributor, and author of several books on relationships, including her upcoming title Was It Something I Said? Understanding Family Estrangement. With over two decades of teaching and clinical work, Dr. Degges-White brings a perspective on Gen Z that is both deeply researched and genuinely compassionate. What follows is a wide-ranging conversation about why this generation struggles to decide, what the infodemic is doing to young people's ability to think deeply, what Gen Z actually learned by watching millennials burn out, and what both sides of a family estrangement need to hear before it's too late. What listeners will learn: What life shelving is, why it's happening, and what it actually costs to keep delaying The infodemic effect: how drowning in information leaves people less equipped to make decisions, not more How identity development has shifted from adolescence to a decade-long process now expected to last until 26 or 28 Why public lives and public mistakes have made risk-taking feel unbearable for a generation What Gen Z is actually asking for at work, and why it looks like entitlement but isn't always What Gen Z saw when they watched millennials work themselves into the ground, and why their response makes complete sense The trophy generation debate: the science behind it was wrong, but the blame landed on the kids anyway The 10 unspoken rules of friendship, what happens when one gets broken, and why intergenerational friendships matter more than most people realize What Dr. Degges-White's research on family estrangement reveals about both the person who leaves and the one left behind CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Degges-White 00:58 Origin Story: Happenstance Theory and the Path to Northern Illinois 04:31 What Is Life Shelving? The Paradox of Choice and Why Young People Are Stalling 08:18 Why Feeling Stuck Feels Like a Personal Failure (And Why It Isn't) 09:30 The Infodemic Effect: Too Much Information, Not Enough Wisdom 11:18 Identity Development in 2026: Why Growing Up Now Takes Until 28 18:25 Public Lives, Public Mistakes: The Fear That Keeps People From Taking Risks 22:48 Gen Z in the Workforce: Self-Care Days, Deadlines, and the Entitlement Debate 27:03 The Push-Pull: Validating Gen Z While Still Holding a Standard 31:00 What Gen Z Learned From Watching Millennials Burn Out 40:36 Friendships: Toxic Patterns, Intergenerational Bonds, and the 10 Unspoken Rules 51:43 Family Estrangement: What the New Book Reveals About Both Sides
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    57 mins
  • Ep 77: Why Your Burnout Recovery Keeps Failing (Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober)

    Ep 77: Why Your Burnout Recovery Keeps Failing (Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober)
    Sep 9 2026

    The burnout conversation has been missing something. Not willpower, not better habits, not the right morning routine. What's actually missing is the body.


    In this episode, Tess sits down with Dr. Suzanne Bober, chiropractor, nervous system educator, and founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint, whose 25 years of clinical work led her to one conclusion: burnout isn't a character flaw, a motivation problem, or a generational weakness. It's a nervous system at capacity. And no amount of rest, yoga, or time off changes that if nothing physiological changes first.

    Dr. Bober is the author of Burnout Rewired, which reframes the entire burnout conversation around what she calls cognitive overload and the science of nervous system expansion. Her core message is one most leaders and young workers have never heard: you don't need to be less ambitious. You need a system that can actually support how ambitious you already are.


    What you will learn:

    • The difference between burnout and cognitive overload, and why that distinction changes how you treat it
    • Why stress leaves and rest periods often fail: nothing physiological changes, so people return to the same environment and immediately overwhelm again
    • Why Gen Z may be entering the workforce with the cup already three-quarters full before a single meeting
    • What nervous system overload actually looks like in the body: tension patterns, shallow breathing, brain fog, digestive disruption, and immune suppression
    • The electric car analogy: what it feels like to operate from expanded capacity instead of survival mode
    • Why five minutes of stillness is physiologically different from scrolling (and why the phone is always going to win on comfort)
    • The bed rotting trend decoded: what it actually tells us about the freeze stage of chronic stress
    • What managers can do at the onboarding stage to change the trajectory before it becomes a retention problem
    • Dr. Bober's four energy archetypes and where to find her free energy quiz


    CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

    00:00 Introduction: Who Is Dr. Suzanne Bober

    00:58 Origin Story: From Chiropractic to Nervous System Education

    02:48 Cognitive Overload vs. Burnout: Why the Language Matters

    04:00 Signs Your Nervous System Is at Capacity (That Most People Miss)

    08:48 How Stress Shows Up in the Body: Tension, Breathing, and Immune Suppression

    13:05 Why Gen Z Enters Work With the Cup Already Full

    14:31 You Don't Need Less Ambition. You Need a Bigger Nervous System.

    22:37 Thrival vs. Survival: What Expanded Capacity Actually Feels Like

    28:49 Where Your Energy Actually Is (And Why You Can't Access It)

    33:16 Doing Less to Get More: Why Your Starting State Changes Everything

    37:21 Mental Load, Present-Moment Focus, and Why Multitasking Is a Myth

    41:28 Bed Rotting: What It's Really Telling Us About Gen Z


    Guest: Dr. Suzanne Bober, Chiropractor, Nervous System Educator, Founder of the Infinite Balance Blueprint

    Book: Burnout Rewired (contact Dr. Bober for a free chapter)

    Dr. Bober's Energy Quiz: https://thehub-api.mastermind.com/widget/quiz/6FP4OnNCOBAD3egZPgGu

    Learn more: https://harbourfrontchiropractic.com/dr-suzanne-bober


    Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly conversations about generational challenges in the workplace and our daily lives.

    Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more.

    Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    57 mins
  • Ep 76: Why Authority Doesn't Work the Way It Used To

    Ep 76: Why Authority Doesn't Work the Way It Used To
    Sep 2 2026

    For most of modern work, being difficult was something leadership could get away with if they were brilliant enough. We didn't just tolerate the tortured genius, we romanticized them. And there was a logic to it. If someone controlled access to knowledge, skills, or connections you couldn't get anywhere else, you put up with them, because the trade was worth it.


    That trade is over. And most leaders haven't noticed yet.


    In this solo episode, Tess breaks down why the authority structures that ran workplaces for the last century are collapsing, and why Gen Z didn't cause the collapse; they're just the first generation willing to name it out loud.


    Exploring how we got into the organizational psychology framework behind the shift (French and Raven's bases of power), what the Harvard Business School trust triangle actually looks like in practice, and the one sentence that explains why so many leaders are struggling with their teams right now: they think they have a respect problem, when what they actually have is a trust problem.


    What you'll learn:


    • Why expert power and legitimate power used to be enough on their own, and why they no longer are
    • The "tortured genius" mythology and the unspoken deal it depended on
    • Why Gen Z never agreed to the old deal, because there was nothing left in it for them by the time they arrived
    • The trust triangle (Authenticity, Empathy, Logic) and what happens when one leg is missing
    • Why leaders who reach for control when they lose deference make the problem significantly worse
    • One concrete move for each leg of the trust triangle to try in your next one-on-one


    CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS


    00:00 Introduction + Dear Gen Mess Newsletter Announcement

    00:40 How Information Used to Be the Ultimate Currency at Work

    02:24 The Tortured Genius Deal: Why We Romanticized Difficult Bosses

    04:00 French and Raven's Bases of Power (And Why Two of Them Are Failing)

    04:41 When Information Stops Being Scarce, Relationship Is All That's Left

    06:00 You Don't Have a Respect Problem. You Have a Trust Problem.

    07:00 Real Workplace Example: When Control Replaces Relationship

    08:00 Gen Z Never Agreed to the Old Deal

    09:45 The Trust Triangle: Authenticity, Empathy, and Logic

    11:00 One Practical Move Per Trust Leg for Your Next One-on-One

    11:36 The Bottom Line: What Leaders Actually Need Now

    Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    14 mins
  • Ep 75: Are We Losing Empathy in Our Connected World? (Guest: Mimi Nicklin)

    Ep 75: Are We Losing Empathy in Our Connected World? (Guest: Mimi Nicklin)
    Aug 26 2026

    We've lost 48% of our empathy in the last 30 years. In a world that's more connected than ever, that's not a coincidence. It's a biology problem.


    In this episode, I sit down with Mimi Nicklin, bestselling author and founder of Empathy Everywhere, who has spent years traveling the globe training senior leaders to treat empathy as the competitive advantage it actually is. She's shared stages with Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak and reached over five million people worldwide with one core argument: empathy isn't soft. It's the hardest, most measurable skill in the room.


    What we get into in this episode is the reframe most leaders desperately need. Mimi breaks down what empathy actually is (it's not what you think), why our brains are physiologically less capable of it under stress, and what the FBI, the US Army, and the CEO of Chanel all have in common. Plus, the four stages of real empathy change, and why you can do this in under 120 seconds.


    What you'll learn:


    • What empathy actually is: it lives in the prefrontal cortex, it's a cognitive skill, and it's not about feelings
    • Why organizations led with empathy see 21% higher profits and 68% higher engagement
    • The neuroscience behind the empathy deficit: why stress and cortisol literally shut down your capacity for it
    • Why being more connected through technology is making us less empathetic, not more
    • Why empathy is not agreement, and how you can understand someone and still completely disagree with them
    • What both older leaders and younger workers are getting wrong about empathy right now
    • The four stages of empathy change: awareness, education, intention, and measurement
    • Practical tools anyone can use in under 120 seconds to build connection immediately



    CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

    00:00 Introduction: Who Is Mimi Nicklin

    00:40 Mimi's Origin Story: From Senior Ad Executive to Empathy Advocate

    05:09 Why Empathy Is a Hard Skill (And the Data That Proves It)

    07:38 What Empathy Actually Is: Perspective Taking and the Prefrontal Cortex

    11:04 Why Being More Connected Is Making Us Less Empathetic

    16:20 Empathy Is Not Agreement: Why That Distinction Changes Everything

    20:04 The Generational Tension: What Older Leaders and Younger Workers Both Get Wrong

    26:17 Listening-Led Leadership and Why Assumption Is the Enemy of Performance

    32:26 How Mimi Works: Speaking, Content, and the Four Stages of Change

    35:25 Who's Actually Doing This Right: Satya Nadella, Chanel, and Jamil Zaki

    39:06 Practice Creates Permanence, Not Perfection

    41:03 40 Ways to Connect: Practical Tools Anyone Can Use Today


    Guest: Mimi Nicklin

    Organization: Empathy Everywhere

    Website: empathyeverywhere.co


    Follow The Gen Mess with Tess for weekly episodes.


    Visit TessBrigham.com to learn more.

    Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    50 mins
  • Ep 74: How to Rewire Your Brain and Break the Patterns Running Your Life (with Thais Gibson)

    Ep 74: How to Rewire Your Brain and Break the Patterns Running Your Life (with Thais Gibson)
    Aug 19 2026

    Most people think self-awareness is the goal. It's not. It's the starting line.


    In this episode, I sit down with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, who spent over a decade earning a PhD and 13+ certifications across cognitive behavioral therapy, hypnosis, somatic experiencing, and more to answer one question: How do you actually change what's running your life at the subconscious level?


    Thais grew up with fearful avoidant attachment in a chaotic family environment and spent years learning how to rewire the patterns quietly controlling her decisions, her relationships, and her sense of self. Now she helps people all over the world do the same through a framework that integrates attachment theory, neuroplasticity, CBT, and somatic processing.


    We get into the specific mechanics: why affirmations don't work, what the subconscious mind actually responds to, and the exact exercise she uses to rewire a core wound in 21 days. This one gets practical fast.


    What you'll learn in this episode:


    • Thais's three pillars of healing and why nervous system regulation alone is not enough
    • The BTEA framework (Beliefs, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions) and why it explains almost every triggered reaction you have at work or in relationships
    • The 15 major core wounds organized by attachment style and which ones are secretly driving your behavior
    • The 21-day rewiring exercise: how to use neuroplasticity to change a belief at the subconscious level, not just positive thinking
    • Why anxiously attached people keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and what's actually happening underneath
    • The difference between victimization and victimhood, and why that distinction changes everything
    • Why self-awareness without action can actually leave you more stuck, not less
    • How to find your attachment style and where to begin the real work


    CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS

    00:00 Introduction: Who Is Thais Gibson

    01:14 Thais' Origin Story: Fearful Avoidant Attachment and a Chaotic Childhood

    05:52 The Three Pillars of Healing: Core Wounds, Nervous System, and Identity

    09:31 The BTEA Framework: How One Belief Drives Your Entire Day

    13:23 Why Rewiring Works: Neuroplasticity and the Subconscious Mind

    15:31 The 15 Core Wounds by Attachment Style

    17:55 The 21-Day Rewiring Exercise (Step by Step)

    21:02 Gen Z, Social Media, and Getting Into This Work Earlier

    30:03 Why We Keep Choosing the Same People (The Subconscious Comfort Zone)

    32:04 What Actually Makes Something Trauma

    40:00 Victimhood vs. Victimization: The Distinction That Changes Everything

    46:29 Where to Start: Programs, Resources, and Next Steps



    Guest: Thais Gibson, Founder, Personal Development School

    Website: personaldevelopmentschool.com


    Visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about host Tess Brigham, and sign up for the free weekly Dear Gen Mess Newsletter.

    Follow for weekly episodes, and be sure to visit tessbrigham.com to learn more about Tess's work as a licensed therapist and certified coach.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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    51 mins