What if the moments that feel like confusion, chaos or wandering are not detours at all but the path itself?
In this episode, I reflect on the early years of my own inner unfolding - a time that, back then, didn’t feel like a journey of any kind. There was no sense of spiritual seeking, no clear intention, no language for growth or awakening. It felt like stumbling from one event to the next, reacting, surviving, and trying to make sense of life as it happened.
And yet, looking back now, I can see something very different. What felt directionless was quietly structured. What felt like chaos was actually movement. Something was unfolding beneath the surface long before I had the awareness to recognise it.
What I Explore
The Illusion of Directionlessness: I reflect on how early stages of growth often feel empty, messy or unremarkable and why that doesn’t mean nothing meaningful is happening.
Unconscious Spiritual Development: I explore the idea that many of us are on a spiritual journey long before we ever choose one consciously.
Curiosity as the First Breadcrumb: I share how questions, anomalies and moments that didn’t “fit” my worldview quietly pulled me forward - not through certainty, but through not knowing.
Growth Without a Map: Why spiritual development rarely comes with clear milestones, frameworks or shared language and how that makes it easy to mistake growth for disorder.
The Hidden Scaffolding: Using the metaphor of a seed germinating underground, I explore how change can be real and alive even when it’s completely invisible to us.
Confusion as a Guide: Rather than something to escape, confusion often becomes the very thing that keeps us moving, asking, and opening.
Looking back at this period now, I feel a deep tenderness for that version of myself - walking blindfolded along a road I didn’t even know existed. And I suspect many of us have our own version of this: years that only make sense in hindsight, moments we later recognise as thresholds we didn’t know how to name at the time.
If you’re in a phase that feels unstructured, disconnected or strangely quiet, this episode is a reminder: the journey doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes, we only realise we were on the path once we’ve travelled far enough to look back and see it.
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