In this episode, I share an honest perspective on why I believe “relationship goals” can actually do more harm than good.

We live in a culture that idolizes couples, pedestalizes longevity, and turns curated images of love into standards for our own lives. But what we see is often only a fraction of the story. Visibility is not evidence, and longevity is not the same as health.

Drawing from my own lived experience of marriage, singleness, pastoral counseling, and years of observing relationship dynamics, I talk about why building goals based on other people’s relationships can leave us disconnected from what actually works for us.

This episode invites you to rethink how you define desire, compatibility, and alignment. Instead of chasing someone else’s version of love, what if we trusted our own experience as data? What if wisdom came from how relationships felt in our bodies, not how they looked on the outside?

This is a conversation about discernment, alignment, and letting go of borrowed standards in order to make room for something real.

If you’ve ever admired a relationship only to later realize you didn’t want the life behind it, this episode is for you.

What happens when the role that once defined you no longer fits the life you’re living?In this episode of The Myesha Chaney Podcast, I share the untold story behind a quiet but necessary death. The death of an identity I carried for nearly two decades. The First Lady.

I was a pastor’s wife for 18 years and a pastor myself for much of that time. I lived under expectation, responsibility, and visibility. I governed my choices, my desires, and my curiosity through the lens of who I believed I was required to be.

When my marriage ended, the title ended. But the identity did not. This episode explores what happens after the environment changes but the conditioning remains. How roles linger internally long after they disappear externally. How obligation can quietly replace desire. And how leaving a system does not automatically free you from its rules.This is not a conversation about rebellion or abandoning faith. It is a conversation about honesty. About separating humanity from performance. About letting go of identities that once protected us but no longer reflect the truth of who we are becoming. If you have ever found yourself in the space between who you were and who you are becoming, this episode is for you.

Topics covered include:

• Identity after church and leadership roles

• The internal work that follows divorce and transition

• Letting go of obligation, shame, and religious performance

• Navigating the in between space of becoming

• Giving yourself permission to evolve

If this resonates, I would love to hear where you are in your own journey. Leave a comment and share your experience. And if you haven’t already, like, subscribe, and share this episode with someone who may need permission to let something die so something truer can live.

Thank you for being here.

✨ About Myesha ChaneyWelcome to the official channel of Myesha Chaney, your destination for inspiration, empowerment, and transformation. Through powerful stories, faith-centered insights, and real conversations about healing, reinvention, and purpose, Myesha helps women rebuild their lives from the inside out. As a speaker, author, coach, and creator, she equips you to reclaim your voice, rediscover your identity, and rebuild your life after loss, transition, or reinvention. Whether you’re healing from heartbreak, navigating divorce, rediscovering your faith, or stepping into a new season of purpose, you belong here.Subscribe to join a growing community of women walking in wholeness and courage.

I want to talk about something that might challenge what many of us were taught to desire.

For a long time, women were told to want a man of God. That language shaped entire generations of dating expectations, marriage goals, and spiritual identity.

I spent eighteen years married to a senior pastor. I have spent most of my adult life around men who carried that title.

After my divorce, when I entered dating with healing and boundaries, I was surprised by what I encountered. Many men who identified as men of God led with lust, spiritual language without emotional maturity, and entitlement masked as calling.

That experience led me to ask deeper questions. Who taught me to desire this idea? Where is God in my pursuit of this title? And does this concept actually hold up in real life?

I am not saying there are no good men. There are incredible men who love God deeply, love their wives, love their families, and live with integrity. I am not speaking about them.

What I am questioning is the ideal itself. Much of it was shaped by men on stages teaching women to want someone like them. But ideals that are rarely embodied should be examined.

I do not desire a title. I desire evidence. Character. Consistency. Kindness. Responsibility. A relationship with God that shows up in how someone lives.

This season is asking many of us to stop repeating what we were taught and start testing what is true.