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The New Fatherhood

The New Fatherhood

Written by: Kevin Maguire
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About this listen
 "Like one big group text with other guys fumbling their way through fatherhood." — Esquire

www.thenewfatherhood.orgKevin Maguire Parenting Relationships Self-Help Success
Episodes
  • This Is Your Brain on Kids with Darby Saxbe

    This Is Your Brain on Kids with Darby Saxbe
    Oct 22 2026
    As previously documented in these missives, after my second child was born, I fell apart. I didn’t want to be around family or friends. All the joy had been sucked out of my life. It took me months to call it what it was: depression. When I looked for answers, I found none. Because no one was asking how dads were doing.I didn’t know then what I know now: my life wasn’t just going through a fundamental shift—my body was, too. My hormones were changing. My brain was reshaping itself around my son. And nobody told me this because, back in the hazy days of 2019, no one was asking those questions.Thankfully, things are changing. Researchers are finally putting dads under the microscope and into the MRI machine. What they’re finding would have helped me make sense of those early months, and could help the millions of men who become dads every year.Earlier this month, I spoke with one of the researchers leading that charge. Darby Saxbe is a professor of psychology at the University of Southern California and the author of Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men’s Lives. Darby has spent years studying dads’ brains and the changes that happen when we begin caring for the tiny humans we’ve invited into our lives. We’ll get into why that shrinking brain is really a renovation, why the research says that dad bod is for the best, and why you and your partner sink or swim together.This season of The New Fatherhood is presented by Matic. Matic was founded by two fathers who love technology and wanted to spend less time cleaning the house and more time playing with their kids. That’s about as on-brand for this newsletter as it gets. It’s a floor-cleaning robot that vacuums and mops on its own, builds a 3D map of your house using onboard cameras, and keeps all that data on the device rather than in the cloud. WIRED gave it a 10/10, the only perfect score their reviewer had given in over a decade. Readers of The New Fatherhood get a free annual bag pass; go to maticrobots.com/fatherhood and take vacuuming and mopping off your chore list.Subscribe to the PodcastSpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubePocket CastsWhere to Find Darby SaxbeDarby’s websiteDarby’s book Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men’s LivesEpisode ReferencesThe New Fatherhood Therapy FundThe New Fatherhood Mental Health Checkpoint—everything I’ve written about dads’ mental health can be found hereOlly Murs’ before-and-after photos—the viral moment that proved the dad bod has fansThe 7 Up series—the British longitudinal documentary that’s just wrapped at 70, and the inspiration for Darby’s seven-year follow-up studyBoyhood—Richard Linklater’s twelve-years-in-the-making filmThe Aka and Kipsigis tribes—how fatherhood varies by cultureTimestamps0:00 — Intro2:38 — The daughter of a divorced dad8:32 — A shrinking, more efficient brain10:05 — Animal dads14:06 — Culture shapes fatherhood20:32 — Dad bods23:43 — Myth: Testosterone equals masculinity33:11 — Diaper changes across the generations36:36 — GenZ dads, neo-trad dads41:39 — Maternal gatekeeping and weaponized incompetence47:00 — Adolescence is dad’s time to shine47:45 — Depression and anxiety, mental health, is real for dadsCreditsHost: Kevin MaguireManaging Producer: Elizabeth Van BrocklinSound Editor: Sam WilliamsTheme Music: SOHN Get full access to The New Fatherhood at www.thenewfatherhood.org/subscribe
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    51 mins
  • “Why Am I Broken?” Parenting, Shame, and the ADHD Brain with Jesse J Anderson

    “Why Am I Broken?” Parenting, Shame, and the ADHD Brain with Jesse J Anderson
    Sep 23 2026
    Welcome back to season three of The New Fatherhood podcast.Life with children can often feel overwhelming. And, in a way, that’s what this episode is all about.But before you hit play, I have to confess something.This interview was recorded three years ago. Not last month. Not over the summer. Three years ago, I sat down with a writer and father of three Jesse J Anderson, also known as ADHD Jesse. I asked him everything I could think of about ADHD and came away from that conversation promising myself that I was going to book myself an assessment to find out if I had ADHD too.And then I did nothing. For three years. Why? Because nothing was on fire. There was no deadline. Nobody was waiting on it. Jesse was generous with his time and his experience, and I repaid him by leaving our conversation in edit purgatory for years.I’ve always struggled to understand my relationship with effort and output. I’ve been writing the newsletter, almost weekly, for five years. I wrote a book. I’ve read every productivity book there is. I built systems for everything. But somewhere in my thirties it started to dawn on me that they weren’t systems at all—they were coping mechanisms. Scaffolding I’d built around something I couldn’t see and had never named.Here’s what my life actually looks like behind the curtain: I can’t start anything without a deadline thundering towards me. The newsletter goes out once a week, and that’s the only reason it goes out at all. I’m terrified of being told no in a way that is completely out of proportion. There’s a name for this, you’ll hear Jesse explain it, and when I first came across it I had to close my laptop to go for a walk. It’s why I can spend years writing a book and then find it almost physically impossible to send an email that tells anyone it exists.There’s a gap I think about a lot. And it isn’t the gap between being a good dad and a bad one. But the gap between the dad you are, in your worst moment, and the one you aspire to be. We treat that gap as a character flaw. But what if it isn’t? What if something has always been there, invisible, pulling the strings—and you’ve spent forty years blaming yourself?Jesse knows all about that gap. In this episode, you’ll hear us talking about t-shirt tags and lunchtime detention. About the four things that actually motivate the ADHD brain, and why “because it’s important” isn’t one of them. And we talk about watching your own kid struggle with the same things you struggle with, and how it feels to know precisely what’s coming.Make sure to listen to the end, because when this is over, I’ll tell you what happened when I finally did the thing I promised all those years ago.This season of The New Fatherhood is presented by Matic. Matic was founded by two fathers who love technology and wanted to spend less time cleaning the house and more time playing with their kids. That’s about as on-brand for this newsletter as it gets. It’s a floor-cleaning robot that vacuums and mops on its own, builds a 3D map of your house using cameras on board, and keeps all that data on the device rather than in the cloud. WIRED gave it a 10/10, the only perfect score their reviewer had given in over a decade. Readers of The New Fatherhood get a free annual bag pass; go to maticrobots.com/fatherhood and take vacuuming and mopping off your chore list.Subscribe to the PodcastSpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubePocket CastsWhere to Find Jesse* Extra Focus newsletter at extrafocus.com* Extra Focus: The Quick Start Guide to Adult ADHD at extrafocusbook.comEpisode References* Oliver Burkeman TNF episode on productivity* Dr William Dodson’s interest-based nervous system (NICU framework)* Jesse’s Four Cs of Motivation * An introduction to rejection sensitive dysphoria* Edward Hallowell’s theory on recognition euphoria* Superparenting for ADD by Edward M. Hallowell and Peter S. JensenTimecodes0:00 — intro: why this episode is three years late5:04 — getting diagnosed at 368:00 — rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)11:39 — parenting kids with ADHD19:29 — the Four C’s of motivation26:34 — positive reinforcement as superfuel28:13 — presented by Matic33:46 — advice for parents: assume the best intentions36:41 — experimenting with medication43:54 — Kevin’s own ADHD assessmentCreditsHost: Kevin MaguireManaging Producer/Editor: Elizabeth Van BrocklinSound Editor: Sam WilliamsTheme Music: SOHN Get full access to The New Fatherhood at www.thenewfatherhood.org/subscribe
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    48 mins
  • Fatherhood Killed My Ego, with SOHN

    Fatherhood Killed My Ego, with SOHN
    Jul 16 2026
    We all carry around an idea of success—the job promotion we crave, the car that’ll make strangers on the street crane their necks in jealousy, the beautiful house that turns visitors quiet as they walk through the front door. Fewer ask where these ideas come from. Mostly, they’re absorbed from our parents, from culture, and from the other dads we compare ourselves to without meaning to.We spend our lives chasing these ghosts. But nobody warns you what’s on the other side—what might happen if you get everything you wanted and end up feeling hollow. For this month’s podcast, I sat down with my good friend Toph—known to the rest of the world as SOHN, the British artist and producer behind the albums Tremors and Trust. SOHN signed a record deal with 4AD, played Coachella and the late-night US TV circuit, and has spent well over a decade living the “artist dream” while raising three boys. Six years ago, we met in the lift of a Barcelona hotel, and eventually bonded over something neither of us saw coming: an episode of depression after the birth of our second child.We pulled each other through that dark time, with long walks and honest conversations. Just before the launch of his fourth album Albadas (Dawn Songs), we sat down in his studio to talk about all of it. This is the most honest conversation about success, money and creative identity I’ve ever heard from a dad in the public eye. We talk about his five-year creative block, the album that only arrived when he stopped writing as SOHN and started writing as a dad, what it does to your head when your creative output is tied to the food you put on your kids’ plates—and why, when what he was chasing turned out to be a trap, he sold the dream house, killed the ego he’d spent so long protecting, and started again.Listen and Subscribe On …SpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubePocket CastsWhere to Find SOHN* SOHN’s website* His new ambient album Albadas (Dawn Songs)—stream it everywhere or grab the limited vinyl/CD on Bandcamp* Trust—the album we discuss throughout, drenched in themes of fatherhood* Follow him on InstagramEpisode References* Trust (2022)—SOHN’s third album, written after a five-year block* Tremors (2014) and “The Wheel”—where the world first heard SOHN* The Streets—the Mike Skinner problem: what do you write about when the drama’s gone?* Oasis, Be Here Now—the Rolls-Royce in the swimming pool* Elliott Smith and Nick Drake—and the myth of great art made in depression* Kevin’s essay: “How to Raise Tiny Humans Without Losing Your Mind”—The Tunnel, and coming out of it at five yearsTimestamps0:00 — a new definition of success0:46 — a conversation between good friends2:01 — the fantasy of the artistic dream4:14 — neck pain and stress7:09 — what shocked SOHN about fatherhood: patience, autonomy, silence8:50 — from one kid to two kids12:58 — paternal postnatal depression14:51 — great artist vs. stable force: the identity collision18:44 — the five-year creative block20:42 — having nothing to say22:26 — Tundra, the record nobody heard24:20 — early struggling musician days25:06 — the buffet of success27:57 — signing with the guy whose music he hated31:52 — losing the compass33:42 — depression as a weather system35:13 — the myth of making great art while depressed36:51 — at peace with the kids, at war with yourself39:28 — the head f**k of creative money: “we’re screwed” to “we’re rich” overnight44:04 — selling the dream house47:27 — imposter syndrome49:25 — Trust: giving up as a creative strategy53:39 — when the fears came true55:39 — the ego death journey58:33 — listen up, parents: it gets easier1:00:34 — where are all my friends?1:05:34 — alternative to climbing the social ladder1:07:03 — three boys watch their dad on stageCreditsHost: Kevin MaguireManaging Producer: Elizabeth Van BrocklinSound Editor: Sam WilliamsTheme Music: SOHN Get full access to The New Fatherhood at www.thenewfatherhood.org/subscribe
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    1 hr and 10 mins
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