As we move into a new year, this episode feels especially meaningful.

In today’s conversation, I’m sharing a powerful episode recorded with my longtime friend and fellow coach, Becky, from about a year ago - during a season when both of us were deeply immersed in our own journeys of identity, healing, and self-discovery.

At the time, neither of us could have fully known how much would continue to unfold in the months ahead. And yet, listening back now, I’m struck by how relevant and grounding this conversation still is - especially as we reflect on what it means to truly come home to ourselves.

Together, we explore:

• what identity really means beyond labels and roles
• how trauma responses can quietly shape who we believe we are
• the difference between ego, intuition, and survival energy
• why somatic work is essential for creating safety in the body
• how shame loses its power through compassion and connection
• and what it looks like to reclaim belonging from within

We also talk openly about the early stages of my own healing journey—when I couldn’t answer the question “Who am I?” without collapsing into shame—and the gradual, gentle process of learning to trust my body, my intuition, and myself again.

This episode isn’t about having it all figured out.
It’s about honoring the small, consistent shifts that create lasting transformation over time.

If you’re entering this new year feeling uncertain, tender, or quietly hopeful…
If you’re learning to listen to yourself instead of pushing through…
If you’re beginning—or continuing—the journey of coming home to who you really are… this conversation is for you.

✨ Key Themes

• Identity as an evolving, embodied experience
• The role of somatic healing in self-discovery
• Shame, self-compassion, and parts work
• Ego vs. intuition and learning to trust inner wisdom
• Healing as a process of integration, not perfection

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Breakthroughs
02:40 The Power of Connection and Friendship
05:25 Understanding Identity
10:51 The Journey of Self-Discovery
16:28 Practical Steps to Embrace Intuition
22:07 Transforming Triggers into Triumphs
27:37 The Role of Somatic Work in Healing
33:24 Creating a Community for Adoptees
38:53 Conclusion and Call to Action

Keywords
breakthrough, identity, self-discovery, somatic work, intuition, trauma, healing, friendship, community, empowerment

Get the Ego vs Intuition Slide Deck here -https://www.cominghometoself.co/offers/oLhNBhLZ/checkout

Connect with Becky here - https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

Keywords
adoption, identity, family, heritage, emotions, personal growth, belonging, reunion, cultural connections, resilience

Takeaways
The importance of understanding one's identity and heritage.
Experiencing a sense of home can be transformative.
Cultural connections can deepen one's understanding of self.
Reunion with biological family can evoke strong emotions.
Navigating relationships requires understanding and effort.
Emotional intelligence is crucial for personal growth.
Adoption experiences shape family dynamics and communication.
Self-awareness is key to emotional well-being.
Creating traditions can foster a sense of belonging.
Seeking understanding is essential for personal and relational growth.

Summary
In this episode of the Resilience Project, Julie and her sons, Cole and Sutton, explore their experiences with adoption, identity, and family dynamics. They discuss the significance of cultural heritage, the emotional impact of reunions with biological family, and the journey of self-discovery. The conversation highlights the importance of understanding one's roots, navigating relationships, and the role of emotional intelligence in personal growth. Through laughter and heartfelt moments, they share insights on how their unique experiences shape their perspectives on family and belonging.

Sound bites
"We start the podcast laughing."
"We're half adopted."
"Seek understanding about it."
"Self-Awareness is key"

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to the Resilience Project
04:15 Exploring Identity and Home
07:55 Cultural Connections and Heritage
12:29 The Impact of Reunion and Family
17:03 Navigating New Relationships and Traditions
27:17 Embracing Uncomfortable Growth
32:09 Understanding Through Life Experiences
39:53 Navigating Emotional Connections
46:09 The Importance of Self-Discovery
50:41 Seeking Wisdom and Understanding

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

Connect with Mike here - https://www.facebook.com/mike.potratz.2025

Keywords
adoptee, resilience, somatic healing, trauma-informed coaching, mental health, self-discovery, emotional healing, personal growth, community support, empathy

Summary
In this episode of the Resilience Project Podcast, host Julie Brumley interviews Mike, a client who shares his journey as an adoptee navigating trauma and healing. They discuss the challenges of feeling like a misfit, the turning points that led Mike to seek help, and the transformative power of somatic work. The conversation emphasizes the importance of community, trust, and self-discovery in the healing process, as well as the unique experiences of adoptees. Mike's insights provide encouragement for others facing similar struggles, highlighting that change is possible and worth pursuing.

Takeaways
Mike describes feeling like a misfit in his own skin.
The turning point for Mike was discovering the book 'Primal Wound'.
Adoptees often adapt to fit in, leading to a chameleon effect.
Isolation can be exacerbated by past relationships and societal perceptions.
Building trust in a coaching relationship is crucial for healing.
Somatic work has provided Mike with tools to connect with his emotions.
Writing has become a powerful tool for self-reflection for Mike.
Mike emphasizes the importance of empathy in relationships.
The journey of healing is not easy but is worth it.
Mike encourages others to seek help and not to fear the process.

Sound bites
"I belong everywhere and nowhere."
"You don't have to live like this."
"Empathy was locked away inside me."

Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mike's Journey
03:48 Exploring Identity and Adoption
05:42 The Impact of Divorce and Loneliness
07:42 Understanding the Need for Change
09:05 Navigating Relationships and Acceptance
10:53 The Role of Coaching and Support
12:39 The Power of Somatic Work
15:12 Experiencing Empathy and Healing
20:45 Exploring Emotional Awareness
22:24 Uncovering Life Patterns
24:12 Accessing Inner Worlds
25:02 Empathy and Relational Changes
26:42 Pride in Personal Growth
27:55 Navigating Difficult Emotions
29:39 Encouragement for the Stuck
29:59 Facing Fears in Healing
30:27 The Value of Shared Experience
31:40 The Coaching Experience
33:14 Hope for the Future
34:27 NEWCHAPTER

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

In this week’s episode of The Resilience Project, I’m joined by two of my closest friends — Becky and Erin — for a raw and tender conversation about grief. Not the polished kind, not the kind we talk about in theory… but the grief that lives in real life, real bodies, and real friendships.

We recorded this together in La Quinta, sitting in the same condo with mountains behind us and a whole lot of emotion between us. Each of us showed up carrying something different - Becky in the fresh ache of losing her mom, Erin reactivated by memories of the loss of her own parents, and me navigating the layers of grief tied to the two year anniversary of my divorce.

This conversation was three women showing up honestly with what was real - and realizing there was something here worth sharing.

Together, we talk about:

• how grief moves differently for each of us
• what it looks like to hold space for friends you love
• the waves of sorrow and joy that often coexist
• how grief shows up in the body and what somatic awareness can reveal
• the simple, practical ways we can care for each other through loss
• and how love - even in grief - continues to change form without disappearing

If you’ve ever found yourself grieving while trying to stay present for the people you love…
If you’ve ever felt the duality of laughing through tears…
If you’re longing for friendship that feels like a safe place to land…

this conversation will feel like you’re sitting right beside us.

Grief is a shared human experience.
It transforms, it teaches, and it brings us back to what matters most - connection, compassion, and the courage to sit with one another in the hard things.

Connect with Becky here - https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/

Connect with Erin here - https://www.instagram.com/erinantroinen/

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

The Adoptees Journey - Cameron Lee Small

https://a.co/d/4PYHq1p

The Grief Recovery Handbook

https://a.co/d/b3z5QR1

The Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency

https://a.co/d/gHgj3LI

Processing Emotions Exercise

https://www.cominghometoself.co/offers/btaYBmJo/checkout

Grief Recovery Specialist - Adoptee - Karen Kagawa

https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/grms/karen-kagawa

Keywords
adoption, grief, unresolved grief, disenfranchised grief, emotional processing, healing, adoptee experience, personal stories, societal impact, grief recovery

Summary
In this episode of the Resilience Project podcast, Julie Brumley delves into the complex topic of grief as it relates to adoption. She distinguishes grief from loss, emphasizing the unique challenges adoptees face in processing their emotions. Through personal stories and insights, Julie highlights the importance of recognizing unresolved grief and the societal factors that contribute to disenfranchised grief. She shares tools and methods for emotional processing, encouraging listeners to embrace their feelings and seek healing.

Takeaways
Grief is a physiological response to loss.
Unresolved grief can manifest physically in the body.
Disenfranchised grief is often overlooked by society.
Adoptees experience unique layers of grief.
Emotional processing is essential for healing.
Grief can impact relationships and personal identity.
Society's lack of recognition can exacerbate grief.
Healing from grief is a lifelong journey.
It's important to communicate unresolved emotions.
Grieving is a necessary part of the healing process.

Sound bites
"Grief is different from loss."
"Disenfranchised grief isolates us."
"Grief can manifest as anger or guilt."

Chapters
00:00 Understanding Grief in Adoption
02:56 The Impact of Unresolved Grief
05:25 Disenfranchised Grief and Its Effects
08:19 Personal Stories of Grief and Healing
10:49 Navigating Grief Through Emotional Processing
13:28 The Role of Society in Acknowledging Grief
16:22 Tools for Processing Grief
18:53 Moving Forward with Grief Awareness

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

Here's the link to the reel about Brene's marble jar theory:

https://www.instagram.com/p/DQpIryxjSZO/

Here's the link to Dr. Masaru Emoto's experiement:

https://youtu.be/lUIJjiQCV34?si=PlD8-rAwTG0qc_95

Here's the pdf of what I shared on screen:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Y5HMSpCl3ZW4dYKRVYGBORLK5aKMnF06/view?usp=sharing

Keywords
trust, self-trust, resilience, Brene Brown, personal growth, emotional well-being, marble jar theory, self-love, accountability, relationships

Summary
In this episode, Julie Brumley explores the concept of trust, particularly self-trust, and how it is foundational for building trust in relationships. Drawing from personal experiences and insights from Brene Brown's work, she discusses the importance of self-love, positive self-talk, and the Marble Jar Theory of trust. Julie emphasizes the need to develop intimacy with ourselves and practice self-trust through daily actions that bring joy and connection. The episode concludes with practical strategies for evaluating trustworthiness in ourselves and others using the BRAVING acronym.

Takeaways
Trust begins with ourselves first.
Self-trust is foundational for trusting others.
The Marble Jar Theory illustrates how trust is built.
Positive self-talk is crucial for developing self-trust.
We need to notice what brings us joy.
Practicing self-love helps us treat ourselves kindly.
Building trust takes time and intentionality.
The BRAVING acronym helps evaluate trustworthiness.
Intimacy with ourselves is essential for emotional well-being.
Choosing courage over comfort fosters integrity.

Sound bites
"The way we talk to ourselves truly matters."
"Notice what brings a smile to your face."
"Trust begins with ourselves first."

Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Personal Journey
02:31 Understanding Trust and Self-Trust
05:18 The Marble Jar Theory of Trust
08:21 Building Self-Trust Through Positive Self-Talk
11:01 Practicing Self-Trust and Joy
13:32 The BRAVING Acronym for Trustworthiness
18:12 Conclusion and Call to Action

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

Here are the pdfs of what I shared in the podcast

Acrostics and Limiting Beliefs -https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vwJSRMzBb67gq9vk1cJ3V5YVr8nJ4C8p/view?usp=sharing

Shame Resilience & Critical Awareness -https://drive.google.com/file/d/14zFIqEz0YsGS0S87hhDSOu7eKrY0YClj/view?usp=sharing

Summary

In this episode of The Resilience Project, Julie Brumley delves into the complex emotions of shame and guilt, exploring their differences and how they impact our lives. She shares insights from Brene Brown and introduces practical tools for developing shame resilience, including recognizing triggers, connecting with others, and practicing self-compassion. Julie emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and offers personal anecdotes to illustrate the journey towards emotional healing.

Keywords

shame, guilt, resilience, Brene Brown, emotional healing, vulnerability, self-compassion, triggers, empathy, personal growth

Takeaways

• Shame is a state of being, while guilt is a state of doing.
• Brene Brown's work on shame resilience is highly influential.
• Recognizing and naming triggers is crucial for managing shame.
• Connecting with others helps in receiving and offering empathy.
• Self-compassion is key in dealing with feelings of shame.
• Vulnerability is essential for building connections.
• The acrostic 'SHOULD' helps understand the hindrances of shame.
• Sharing personal stories requires careful consideration of the audience.
• Developing critical awareness involves asking key questions about shame.
• Practical tools and exercises can aid in building shame resilience.

Chapters

• 00:02:25 Introduction to Shame and Guilt
• 00:03:59 Defining Shame and Guilt
• 00:04:34 Tools for Shame Resilience
• 00:07:47 The Role of Vulnerability
• 00:09:25 Personal Stories and Insights
• 00:14:56 Conclusion and Call to Action

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley

Summary:

This episode of the Resilience Project delves into the complex topic of loss, particularly from the perspective of adoptees. Julie Brumley explores three distinct types of loss: ambiguous, vicarious, and secondary, and discusses how these losses are deeply embedded in the lives of adoptees from birth. The episode aims to increase awareness and understanding of these unique experiences, offering insights from experts like Gabor Mate and personal reflections from Julie's own life.

Keywords:

loss, adoptees, ambiguous loss, vicarious loss, secondary loss, Gabor Mate, trauma, adoption, identity, healing

Takeaways:

• Loss is a foundational experience for adoptees, woven into their lives from birth.
• Ambiguous loss involves losing an entire family, culture, and identity without closure.
• Vicarious loss is a traumatic experience embedded in senses, reactivated in distress.
• Secondary loss stems from core losses, reactivating original traumatic memories.
• Adoptees often experience multiple losses before they can even process them.
• Healing requires acknowledging and validating these losses within oneself.
• Creating a safe mental space is crucial for adoptees to cope with loss.
• Society often fails to recognize the depth of loss experienced by adoptees.
• Adoption is created from loss, a hard truth that needs validation.
• Understanding and confronting these losses is essential for healing.

Sound Bites:

• Loss is fact of the adoptee life.
• Adoption is created from loss.
• Ambiguous loss lacks closure.
• Vicarious loss is sensory.
• Secondary loss reactivates trauma.
• Healing needs validation.
• Loss shapes adoptee identity.
• Create a safe mental space.
• Society overlooks adoptee loss.
• Confronting loss is essential.

Chapters:

• 00:00:00 Introduction to Loss
• 00:03:00 Ambiguous Loss Explained
• 00:09:00 Vicarious Loss and Its Impact
• 00:15:00 Understanding Secondary Loss
• 00:21:00 Healing and Acknowledgment

Website

Instagram: @juliebrumley_

Facebook: julierasbrum

TikTok: @juliebrumley_

Click to Join My Free Adoptee Facebook Group

You Tube: @julie_brumley