Do you find yourself constantly trying to help, coach, or fix your partner — and still feeling disconnected, resentful, or exhausted?In this powerful episode of the Together Podcast, Mike & Courtney explore the subtle but destructive line between loving someone and trying to fix them. While fixing often looks like care, support, or problem-solving, it frequently masks anxiety, control, and an avoidance of our own inner work — and it quietly erodes intimacy, polarity, and trust.
Drawing from deeply personal stories from their past relationships and their current marriage, Mike & Courtney unpack the fixer–fixee dynamic, why it’s so common among helpers, coaches, and healers, and how it creates codependence rather than connection. They introduce practical frameworks like the sticky note theory, the Go First principle, and their sacred no-coaching rule — tools that help couples move out of resentment and back into true partnership.
✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why fixing feels helpful but damages intimacy
The hidden anxiety underneath the fixer role
How fixing kills polarity and desire
The difference between reflection, vulnerability, and fixing
How to reclaim your own seat in relationship
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to the Podcast
01:07 The Fixer Dynamic in Relationships
03:06 Personal Stories of Fixing
07:10 Realizations and Shifts
12:44 The Sticky Note Theory
14:02 Mike's Experience with Fixing
18:25 The Impact of Fixing on Relationships
26:13 Personal Growth and Responsibility
29:09 Discovering Self in Relationships
30:30 Embodying Your Desires
32:50 The Sacred We: A Partnership Approach
33:57 The Mirror of Relationships
35:53 Navigating Fixer Tendencies
38:48 Setting Boundaries and Seeking Support
41:54 The Power of Vulnerability
44:19 Rules for Healthy Relationships
46:30 Trusting the Process
51:15 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
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