In this episode of Unlocking the Parenting Code: All About Boys, Kathy sits down with Keanu Mendoza, a warm, reflective, and deeply thoughtful young man whose early life could have easily led him down a familiar path of drugs, gangs, and incarceration. Raised without his parents present, Keanu spent his early childhood with his grandmother before her passing, and later with an aunt and uncle who stepped in during his most vulnerable years.

Keanu shares openly about growing up feeling lonely, shy, and unsure of who he was — including being bullied at school, struggling with self-confidence, and longing to belong. Grounded in faith and shaped by consistent, firm, and loving guidance, he chose a different path. Today, Keanu is serving in the U.S. Marine Corps, is a first-generation college graduate, and is continuing his education with plans for graduate school.

This conversation offers hope to young people who feel trapped by their circumstances — and powerful insight for parents, mentors, and educators into what truly helps boys find their footing, their voice, and their sense of self.

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Feeling motivated? Here's a short, powerful coaching experience to help you tune in, connect, and understand your son—one tiny step at a time.

Join my free 1:1 Tiny Challenge™: 3 Days to a Stronger Connection With Your Son

✨ In just 3 days, you’ll take one small step each day to understand, connect, and affirm your son—no overwhelm, no pressure, just powerful parenting in action.

Here’s how it works:

✔️ I’ll send you one simple action + reflection each day

✔️ You’ll message me back with your experience

✔️ I’ll support you personally with insights, encouragement, and next steps

👉 Ready to get started? You can just send me a note at kathy@sonhoodcoaching.com and say “I’m in!” and I’ll take care of the rest.

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Keanu Mendoza was born and raised in California. He grew up without his parents present and spent much of his early childhood being raised by his grandmother before her passing. In his early teens, his aunt and uncle stepped in to raise him and his brother, providing the stability and guidance that would change his life’s direction.

Keanu is currently serving in the U.S. Marine Corps, the first in his family to do so. He is also a first-generation college graduate from Southern New Hampshire University, where he earned both his associate and bachelor’s degrees in business administration. At 26 years old, Keanu continues to pursue growth, learning, and service, with plans to begin graduate studies.

Family & Early Life

• Raised primarily by his grandmother; family instability and early loss.
• Met his biological father only once (around age 5–6).
• Mother in and out of his life, mostly out, and struggling with substance issues.
• Moved in with his aunt and uncle in 7th grade (age 12–13) — the adults who “stepped up.”

School, Identity & Bullying

• Growing up a shy, chubby child and being bullied at school.
• Struggles with self-confidence
• How loneliness and the need to belong made him vulnerable in adolescence.

Turning Points & Mentors

• The decisive influence of his uncle and aunt: structure, discipline, and steady presence.
• Other local mentors (neighbor/church leader) who introduced him to faith and music.
• How one person’s intervention can change a boy’s trajectory.

Choices, Resilience & Purpose

• Choosing a different path despite generational patterns of drugs, gangs, and incarceration.
• Joining the U.S. Marine Corps: finding structure, belonging,

In this episode, Kathy sits down with Joey Stoneburgh, — a corrections officer, husband, father, and podcast host — for an honest look at childhood, masculinity, mental health, and the reality of working inside Canada’s largest jail. Joey opens up about growing up between two homes, the feeling of not fully belonging, the decisions that could have taken his life in a different direction, and the personal redemption he continues to choose every day.

We dive into fatherhood, boundaries, identity, and the invisible pressures many men carry. Joey shares openly about mental health challenges, testosterone, and the work it takes to stay grounded. His story is one of self-reflection, resilience, connection — and choosing who you want to be, even when early life experiences may pull you in other directions.

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Feeling motivated? Here's a short, powerful coaching experience to help you tune in, connect, and understand your son—one tiny step at a time.

Join my free 1:1 Tiny Challenge™: 3 Days to a Stronger Connection With Your Son

✨ In just 3 days, you’ll take one small step each day to understand, connect, and affirm your son—no overwhelm, no pressure, just powerful parenting in action.

Here’s how it works:

✔️ I’ll send you one simple action + reflection each day

✔️ You’ll message me back with your experience

✔️ I’ll support you personally with insights, encouragement, and next steps

👉 Ready to get started? You can just send me a note at kathy@sonhoodcoaching.com and say “I’m in!” and I’ll take care of the rest.

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• Core values & identity

Joey reflects on honesty, integrity, inclusivity, and humor as foundational to who he is — and how these values led him into law enforcement.

• Working in corrections & mental health

How 13 years in a jail environment impacts a person, the risk of becoming hardened, and the outlets that kept Joey grounded (sobriety, jiu-jitsu, family, meaningful routines).

• Childhood in a split family

Navigating two households, complex family dynamics, feeling like he didn’t fully belong in either, and how those early experiences influenced his teens and early 20s.

• Searching for belonging as a teen

Partying, substance use, risky decisions, and the fine line between becoming an officer or becoming an inmate.

• Religion, symbolism & redemption

The surprising church visit that shifted his perspective, the powerful encounter at work that deepened his belief in good and evil, and the story behind his “redemption” tattoo.

• Boundaries & self-worth

Learning to stop people-pleasing, set limits with friends and family, and step into a stronger sense of self-respect.

• Masculine pressure, drive & self-criticism

Feeling like a failure in his late 20s, the internal pressure to be “the provider,” the battle in his own mind, and how ambition can be both a strength and a struggle.

• Fatherhood & testosterone

How becoming a dad transformed his identity, feeling “off,” low libido, and emotionally overwhelmed during that period, and his history of anabolic steroid use.

• Masculinity, mentorship & mixed messages

Outdated gender expectations, exposure to pornography, confusing early guidance from elders, and how culture shapes boys’ understanding of manhood.

• Fears for today’s society

The tension around motherhood, gender roles, and why he believes children need present, emotionally engaged parents.

• What he wants...

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, Kathy sits down with Pat Barber—father of four boys, longtime CrossFit leader, and thoughtful voice on masculinity, parenting, and personal growth. Pat opens up about the evolution of his core values, his marriage, and the lessons he brings into raising boys today.

Together, they explore conflict, communication, risk-taking, digital safety, sexual development, honesty, and the role of testosterone in shaping boys’ inner worlds. Pat shares candid stories about raising four sons in the mountains, why he gives his boys real opportunities to take risks, and how he and his wife navigate everything from arguments to conversations about porn, erections, and emotional regulation.

This episode offers grounded wisdom for parents raising boys in an age of misinformation, overprotection, hyper-connectivity, and confusion around masculinity.

**********

Feeling motivated? Here's a short, powerful coaching experience to help you tune in, connect, and understand your son—one tiny step at a time.

Join my free 1:1 Tiny Challenge™: 3 Days to a Stronger Connection With Your Son

✨ In just 3 days, you’ll take one small step each day to understand, connect, and affirm your son—no overwhelm, no pressure, just powerful parenting in action.

Here’s how it works:

✔️ I’ll send you one simple action + reflection each day

✔️ You’ll message me back with your experience

✔️ I’ll support you personally with insights, encouragement, and next steps

👉 Ready to get started? You can just send me a note at kathy@sonhoodcoaching.com and say “I’m in!” and I’ll take care of the rest.

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Pat Barber is a dedicated husband, father of four boys, and one of the most respected leaders in the functional fitness world. A longtime CrossFit athlete, coach, mentor, and community builder, Pat is known for his thoughtful reflections on fatherhood, integrity, and personal development. His work centers around authenticity, honesty, and strength—values he works to model in the gym, online, and at home. Pat speaks openly about parenting, relationships, and raising emotionally intelligent boys in a rapidly changing world.

Identity & Core Values

• Pat’s three core values: authenticity, honesty, strength

Marriage & Conflict Navigation

• Pat’s turning point in conflict with his wife
• Learning to let go of “being right”
• Distinguishing core values from trivial arguments
• Curiosity as a parenting and relationship tool

Parenting Boys

• Raising boys to be emotionally intelligent and self-aware
• When to guide vs. when to let children experiment
• Giving kids real risk: autonomy without negligence
• Risk comparison: physical danger vs. digital danger

Discipline, Boundaries & Communication

• How Pat handles disagreements with his boys
• Encouraging them to explain their reasoning
• When to say “No” and when to say “Show me your plan”
• Apologizing to kids and modeling emotional regulation

Masculinity & Testosterone

• Why parents need to understand testosterone surges
• How hormonal changes shift boys’ psychology
• Normalizing sexuality without shame
• Lack of societal literacy around male development
• Effects of testosterone seen through the lens of transgender men

Digital Safety & Porn Exposure

• Why Pat keeps devices in...