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Ever felt the pressure to be “on” every waking minute? We sat down with Rabbi and therapist Gary Katz to unpack the quiet cost of spiritual leadership: how constant likability, role-based identity, and unspoken expectations can turn faith into performance and push leaders toward secrecy. Gary opens up about his own crash into sex and love addiction, the spiral into substances, and the slow rebuild that followed—rooted in a radical idea: spiritual progress beats spiritual perfection.

Across our conversation, we map the terrain of process addictions and intimacy disorder in clear terms. If porn becomes a numbing loop, removing porn alone won’t solve the craving to shut down; the brain will find another off-switch. If affairs or attention are really about validation, new “respectable” behaviors can still feed the same hunger. Gary shows how the work is identifying your loop and building healthier ways to meet core needs without hiding. We also explore a common leadership blind spot: many of us can lead or follow, yet struggle to stand eye-to-eye as peers. That’s where healing happens—phone calls, coffee, shared truth without a stage.

We talk about the trap of curated vulnerability, the fatigue of 24/7 role performance, and the difference between toxic shame and the healthy kind that guides better choices. For leaders afraid of disqualification, Gary offers a measured path: hit pause on big decisions, anchor in real support, and relearn how to be a person before a title. Integrity isn’t spotless; it’s aligned. If you’ve been living split—polished outwardly, isolated inwardly—this conversation points to a way back to wholeness, connection, and a more honest faith.

Grab the free resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode54 and learn more about Gary’s work at intimacyrecovery.com. If this resonated, follow, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help others find their way to deeper recovery and real connection.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

The week Grace packed for college, Drew packed for rehab. What followed wasn’t a neat redemption arc, but a raw, practical path: loving leverage, clear boundaries, impact letters, and the slow re-growth of trust. We open with a feelings check—fear, shame, anger, gladness—then trace the hardest choice Grace made: asking her dad not to be part of move-in so she could protect her heart and he could face reality. That boundary didn’t just hold a line; it helped save a family.

Grace shares how college became her lifeline. New friends formed a portable sanctuary where she could tell the truth about addiction, grief, and hope without being defined by them. She names the paradox of healing—freedom away from home, sorrow when returning, and the relief of not managing a parent’s emotions. We walk through the impact letter process that precedes amends, how Drew sat with her words in group therapy, and why empathy must come before apology. A small crisis—a car accident—became a trust test he passed by simply showing up.

We dig into the interior shifts too. Drew describes surrendering control and the ego-breaking work of early treatment. Grace noticed a gentleness where force used to live, a willingness to listen rather than steer. Together we redefine “functional family” as one that admits the mess and tells the truth. Grace explains how crisis clarified her identity and sparked a calling to counsel kids and families—the very help she once needed. This is a story about recovering hearts and voices, not erasing the past but learning to carry it with honesty and hope.

If you’re a parent entering treatment or a student navigating the fallout, there’s practical help and real hope here. Grab our free resource for college students and young adults at ValiantLiving.com/episode 53, subscribe for more candid conversations, and leave a review to share what boundary or moment began your healing.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

December can light up old wounds as quickly as it lights the tree. We invited Dr. Jake Smith Jr. of Plumline to help us turn holiday triggers into a plan for presence, connection, and real growth. Together we unpack why family dynamics can collapse time in the brain, why anger is never alone, and how the eight core feelings give you a simple language to name what’s true and meet your needs without handing your heart to the room.

We walk through affect labeling step by step—name the feeling, find the need, choose a healthy action—and show how this loop cuts off codependency at the root. When emotions spike, you’ll learn the “window of tolerance” and the concept of charge, plus exactly what to do when you jump from a four to a ten. Hint: it’s not more thinking. It’s sensory grounding—slow walks in the cold, a long shower, doing the dishes, beginner yoga—and giving full attention to sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste until your body settles. We also talk about spiritual bypassing, why the opposite of addiction is connection, and how to make daily check-ins a gym for the heart.

If you’re a loved one managing fear, we map out the three buckets of control to build protection, help, and refuge before the first party: what you fully control (lodging, exits, check-ins), what you partially control (clear expectations), and what you can’t control (someone else’s sobriety). We reframe boundaries as self-limits that protect connection, like shortening the visit or staying off-site, without trying to control the family system. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence. Smell the cider, feel the blanket, see the lights, and let attention do its healing work.

Grab the free Eight Core Feelings resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode52, then listen, share with a friend who needs a steadier December, and leave a review so more people can find this conversation. Subscribe for more honest tools for recovery and relationships.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.