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Ever felt the pressure to be “on” every waking minute? We sat down with Rabbi and therapist Gary Katz to unpack the quiet cost of spiritual leadership: how constant likability, role-based identity, and unspoken expectations can turn faith into performance and push leaders toward secrecy. Gary opens up about his own crash into sex and love addiction, the spiral into substances, and the slow rebuild that followed—rooted in a radical idea: spiritual progress beats spiritual perfection.

Across our conversation, we map the terrain of process addictions and intimacy disorder in clear terms. If porn becomes a numbing loop, removing porn alone won’t solve the craving to shut down; the brain will find another off-switch. If affairs or attention are really about validation, new “respectable” behaviors can still feed the same hunger. Gary shows how the work is identifying your loop and building healthier ways to meet core needs without hiding. We also explore a common leadership blind spot: many of us can lead or follow, yet struggle to stand eye-to-eye as peers. That’s where healing happens—phone calls, coffee, shared truth without a stage.

We talk about the trap of curated vulnerability, the fatigue of 24/7 role performance, and the difference between toxic shame and the healthy kind that guides better choices. For leaders afraid of disqualification, Gary offers a measured path: hit pause on big decisions, anchor in real support, and relearn how to be a person before a title. Integrity isn’t spotless; it’s aligned. If you’ve been living split—polished outwardly, isolated inwardly—this conversation points to a way back to wholeness, connection, and a more honest faith.

Grab the free resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode54 and learn more about Gary’s work at intimacyrecovery.com. If this resonated, follow, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review to help others find their way to deeper recovery and real connection.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

The week Grace packed for college, Drew packed for rehab. What followed wasn’t a neat redemption arc, but a raw, practical path: loving leverage, clear boundaries, impact letters, and the slow re-growth of trust. We open with a feelings check—fear, shame, anger, gladness—then trace the hardest choice Grace made: asking her dad not to be part of move-in so she could protect her heart and he could face reality. That boundary didn’t just hold a line; it helped save a family.

Grace shares how college became her lifeline. New friends formed a portable sanctuary where she could tell the truth about addiction, grief, and hope without being defined by them. She names the paradox of healing—freedom away from home, sorrow when returning, and the relief of not managing a parent’s emotions. We walk through the impact letter process that precedes amends, how Drew sat with her words in group therapy, and why empathy must come before apology. A small crisis—a car accident—became a trust test he passed by simply showing up.

We dig into the interior shifts too. Drew describes surrendering control and the ego-breaking work of early treatment. Grace noticed a gentleness where force used to live, a willingness to listen rather than steer. Together we redefine “functional family” as one that admits the mess and tells the truth. Grace explains how crisis clarified her identity and sparked a calling to counsel kids and families—the very help she once needed. This is a story about recovering hearts and voices, not erasing the past but learning to carry it with honesty and hope.

If you’re a parent entering treatment or a student navigating the fallout, there’s practical help and real hope here. Grab our free resource for college students and young adults at ValiantLiving.com/episode 53, subscribe for more candid conversations, and leave a review to share what boundary or moment began your healing.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

December can light up old wounds as quickly as it lights the tree. We invited Dr. Jake Smith Jr. of Plumline to help us turn holiday triggers into a plan for presence, connection, and real growth. Together we unpack why family dynamics can collapse time in the brain, why anger is never alone, and how the eight core feelings give you a simple language to name what’s true and meet your needs without handing your heart to the room.

We walk through affect labeling step by step—name the feeling, find the need, choose a healthy action—and show how this loop cuts off codependency at the root. When emotions spike, you’ll learn the “window of tolerance” and the concept of charge, plus exactly what to do when you jump from a four to a ten. Hint: it’s not more thinking. It’s sensory grounding—slow walks in the cold, a long shower, doing the dishes, beginner yoga—and giving full attention to sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste until your body settles. We also talk about spiritual bypassing, why the opposite of addiction is connection, and how to make daily check-ins a gym for the heart.

If you’re a loved one managing fear, we map out the three buckets of control to build protection, help, and refuge before the first party: what you fully control (lodging, exits, check-ins), what you partially control (clear expectations), and what you can’t control (someone else’s sobriety). We reframe boundaries as self-limits that protect connection, like shortening the visit or staying off-site, without trying to control the family system. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence. Smell the cider, feel the blanket, see the lights, and let attention do its healing work.

Grab the free Eight Core Feelings resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode52, then listen, share with a friend who needs a steadier December, and leave a review so more people can find this conversation. Subscribe for more honest tools for recovery and relationships.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

Healing doesn’t happen in perfect sync, and that’s okay. We explore tandem recovery with Brooke, our family advocate who coaches partners and parents through the messy, courageous work of rebuilding trust and balance after addiction. Think of a tandem bike: sometimes you steer, sometimes you push from behind, and either way the goal is shared direction. Brooke brings clear, compassionate guidance on how families can stop rescuing, start feeling, and move forward together without losing themselves.

We dig into emotional responsibility and the difference between healthy care and control. You’ll learn how to spot subtle codependency—automatic fixing, people pleasing, and quiet resentment—and replace it with boundaries rooted in intention and motivation. We also get practical about the body’s early warning signs: the held breath, the heat in your face, the stomach drop when the phone lights up. Those cues matter. Pausing to regulate before you answer is not avoidance; it’s wisdom. From there, we talk about natural consequences, how to accept an apology without erasing the harm, and why letting someone sit with shame can be an act of love.

One of the most powerful tools we unpack is digital detox during treatment. Creating space breaks the cycle of emotional management, reveals where each person has leaned on the other to self-soothe, and opens the door to interdependence. We close with a simple mantra: attraction, not promotion. Live the calm and clarity you hope to see. The pace of recovery will shift, leadership will change hands, and the ride won’t be perfectly even—but with honesty, boundaries, and shared purpose, you can pedal the same road and actually enjoy the view.

Subscribe for more conversations on recovery, family healing, and practical tools you can use today. If this resonated, share it with someone who needs hope and leave a review to help others find the show.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

The path through addiction and betrayal trauma isn't linear – it's messy, painful, and often seems impossible to navigate. In this raw and honest conversation, we sit down with a spouse whose husband went through the Valiant program to hear the story from her perspective.

She doesn't hold back as she describes life before treatment: the exhaustion of overfunctioning, the unpredictability of living with active addiction, and the constant fear of the next discovery or disclosure. For nearly a decade, she weathered cycles of betrayal, attempted repair, and eventual relapse that left her emotionally depleted and uncertain about their future.

The turning point came when she reached her limit and delivered what she now recognizes as "loving leverage" – he needed to leave their home, either for treatment or permanently. This boundary, while painful to establish, became the catalyst for profound healing on both sides. While he worked through the Valiant program, she embarked on her own tandem recovery journey through therapy, support groups, and intentional self-care.

What emerges from her story isn't just survival but transformation. She discovered strengths she never knew she possessed, gained confidence in setting boundaries, and learned to separate the addiction from the man she married. Today, their relationship features healthier communication, quicker emotional repair, and a vocabulary that allows them to navigate triggers without escalation.

For spouses currently drowning in the chaos of addiction, her message offers a lifeline of hope: you're not alone, healing is possible, and the work – while incredibly difficult – is worth it. By recognizing that neither person chose this struggle and that both are battling the same enemy (addiction itself), couples can find their way back to connection, trust, and a relationship that's healthier than it's ever been.

Have you experienced betrayal trauma in your relationship? What boundaries have helped your healing process? Connect with us and join our community of people walking similar paths toward recovery and rebuilding.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

The moment a loved one enters addiction treatment, a parallel journey begins for the entire family. In this eye-opening conversation, Brooke—family group facilitator at Valiant Living—shares wisdom gained from both professional expertise and personal experience with addiction's devastating impact on families.

Brooke introduces the powerful concept of "parallel recovery," explaining how both the person with addiction and their family members need healing—but must travel their own paths. "Parallel recovery is this idea that we both need healing, but we don't heal side by side," she explains, using the metaphor of two cyclists riding next to each other. When one person tries to control the other's handlebars, both crash. Her message is clear: we must learn to support without trying to fix.

Drawing from her own journey as someone who lost multiple family members to addiction—including her ex-husband and sister-in-law—and parented a son through substance use disorder, Brooke speaks with rare authenticity about the rage, guilt, and codependency that often characterize family responses to addiction. She vulnerably shares how she transformed from "an ostrich with her head in the sand" to finding her voice through anger, and eventually through boundaries and compassion.

For family members feeling forgotten while their loved one receives treatment, Brooke offers practical guidance on managing codependency, setting healthy boundaries, and beginning their own healing journey. She explains how education about addiction creates space for compassion, and how finding your voice can begin with something as simple as saying "no" to making dinner.

Whether you're a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend of someone struggling with addiction, this conversation offers hope that healing is possible. As Brooke reminds us: "You are not alone. I see you, I hear you, I am you, and let's start to heal."

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Ever been told that “real” trauma work should leave you wrung out and wrecked? We take that myth apart and show a different path—one built on careful pacing, body awareness, and tiny changes that add up. With training across EMDR, IFS, neurofeedback, and trauma‑sensitive yoga, our guest guides a live Internal Family Systems demo that turns abstract ideas into a concrete experience you can feel.

We start by swapping “triggers” for trailheads and using a simple life satisfaction check to find where to begin. A tight chest and tense shoulders open a path to a childhood scarcity memory and a protector who keeps every plate spinning. That drive to hustle isn’t random; it’s guarding against shame and the terror of being unlovable or losing belonging. You’ll hear how work can become a numbing strategy, why avoidance and the inner critic quietly slow healing, and how to tell the difference between productive discomfort and harmful pain.

Then comes the turn: self‑energy. When we access that lighter, hopeful, creative core, protectors often want to help in new ways—without the exhaustion. Instead of overnight reinvention, we lean on cognitive neuroscience: 1–3% changes. Track the moments you fear disappointing your family. Notice when people‑pleasing spikes. Name the inner critic, and pause before numbing. Observation builds choice, and choice builds momentum.

If IFS resonates, we share practical next steps to find certified support via the IFS Institute and high‑quality resources from Richard Schwartz. No plastic‑banana knockoffs, no heroics—just honest work at a humane pace. If this conversation helped you see your patterns with more kindness, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a gentler approach, and leave a review to help more people find it.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

What if the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, but connection? Scott Davis, Chief Clinical Officer at Valiant Living, opens up about this profound truth and much more in our latest episode, sharing wisdom gained from years of guiding men through recovery.

With vulnerable honesty, Scott addresses how we can find peace during tumultuous times by seeking authentic connection rather than isolation. "The best thing you can do is limit your social media," he advises, suggesting instead that we reach for human connection that transcends political divisions and touches something deeper – our shared humanity.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn as Scott reveals the transformative power of group therapy. For many men entering recovery, the thought of sharing their deepest struggles in a group setting triggers intense fear. Yet Scott demonstrates how this very vulnerability creates the healing environment so many desperately need. "If it's in your head, it's a dangerous place," he explains, highlighting how bringing thoughts into the open – whether through writing or sharing with trusted others – creates clarity and relief.

Perhaps most powerful is Scott's exploration of shame, which he calls "terminally shameful" rather than "terminally unique." The shame that makes us feel fundamentally flawed and isolated becomes, ironically, the very thing that can connect us when shared in a safe group setting. "When somebody shares their pain with you, it is a sacred thing," Scott reflects, describing the "tragic beauty" of witnessing others' vulnerability and recognizing our shared struggles.

Scott also unpacks how individual therapy works alongside group therapy at Valiant, preparing clients to bring their deepest wounds into a community where deeper healing happens. Even conflict within groups becomes an opportunity for growth, often reflecting unresolved family-of-origin issues that can finally be addressed in a supportive environment.

Listen now to experience this profound conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the courage to be seen. Whether you're struggling personally or supporting someone who is, Scott's wisdom offers hope that healing is possible when we brave the journey together.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.