What is a Good Life? #158 | Finding Self-Love Beyond Achievement

Where do you belong? How do you best use your gifts?

These questions have followed Alan Wilson throughout his life—from childhood football pitches to corporate boardrooms. In this deeply honest conversation, Alan shares his journey from seeking external validation to cultivating self-love, exploring how grief, self-inquiry, and simple presence have reshaped his understanding of a good life.

Alan Wilson is a Director of People & Operations and qualified coach with 17+ years in senior leadership roles. He supports leaders and organisations navigating change by combining commercial insight with a deeply human approach—focused on self-awareness, integrity, and sustainable performance.

In this episode:

• The childhood patterns behind our adult struggles
• Why achievement never feels like enough
• Finding centre in an increasingly distracted world
• How children guide us back to presence
• Why self-love transforms leadership
• The agency we have despite feeling disempowered

This conversation is for anyone questioning whether they're enough, struggling with validation, or wondering if there's more to life than the next achievement.

For more of Alan's work:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alan-wilson-084b3324/

For more from Mark McCartney:
Newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-mccartney-14b0161b4/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markcmccartney/

00:00 - Where Do I Belong?
05:23 - The Validation Trap
10:47 - Self-Inquiry and Grief
16:12 - Moments That Allow Breathing
21:35 - Toxicity and Modern Life
27:43 - Children as Our Compass
33:21 - Beyond Material Accumulation
38:45 - Dismantling the Armour
44:02 - Agency in a Disempowered World
49:18 - Transmitting Our Gifts Daily
54:31 - A Life That's Evolving

On the 157th episode of What Is a Good Life?, I’m joined by Matt Zeigler. Matt is Managing Director at Sunpointe Investments, Senior Editor at Panoptica (a multimedia collaboration with Epsilon Theory), and co-owner and host of Excess Returns, a podcast and YouTube channel. Through his Cultish Creative brand, he transforms complex ideas into accessible insights, helping people make better connections and approach challenges with curiosity.

Matt shares his journey from profound disconnection to finding an abundance of connection and meaning through family, work, and community. From a pivotal therapy session that changed everything to discovering the value of small, intentional experiences, he explores how building bridges instead of prisons transformed his life. This is a conversation about vulnerability, curiosity, and the courage to stop running from connection.

This episode is for anyone who feels cut off from others and is looking to find their way back—and for anyone looking to feel more optimistic about humanity.

For more of Matt's work:
Cultish creative: https://cultishcreative.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/matt-zeigler/

For more of my work:
Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore:
- 1-on-1 coaching and online group courses: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-mccartney-14b0161b4/
The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
My newsletter: www.whatisagood.life

00:00 — The Disconnection Question
04:16 — Three Layers of Life
06:50 — Leaving home, independence, and loneliness
10:11 — Therapy Wake-Up Call
18:02 — Learning to Share
23:23 — Small openings that build real bonds
31:38 — Rules, ladders, and inherited structures
45:26 — Energy shift after choosing alignment
50:09 — Community Comes Alive
58:18 — What is a Good Life for Matt?

On the 156th episode of What Is a Good Life?, I’m joined by Alejandra Guzmán González. Alejandra is a Nicaraguan educator, lifelong learner, and mother of two. She describes herself as an artist with a dancer’s feet, the soul of a theatre actress, and the writer’s force within (publishing under the pen name aimé). Her work is rooted in curiosity, reflection, and human connection, and she continues to devote her professional life to education and learning-centred projects.

In this episode, Alejandra shares her journey of discovering how to trust her own voice. She reflects on personal experiences, family, and the process of making her own decisions with confidence while staying connected to the people she loves.

This conversation is for anyone looking to build greater trust in themselves and their own decisions.

For Alejandra's Newsletter: https://aimewrites.substack.com/

For more of my work:
Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore your own good life through:
- 1-on-1 coaching and online group courses: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching
- The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
- My newsletter: www.whatisagood.life

00:00 - Living the Question
03:18 - Seeking External Answers
07:02 - Teaching and Questioning
10:05 - Parenting and Frustration
13:46 - Building Inner Trust
17:53 - Cocooning and Withdrawal
22:45 - Listening Beyond Answers
30:31 - The Right to Listen
38:10 - A Defining Moment
48:03 - Health as Teacher
56:46 - What Is a Good Life For Alejandra?

On the 155th episode of What Is a Good Life?, I’m joined by Julian Kirchherr. Julian combines a career as a Partner at McKinsey & Company with his role as an Associate Professor at Roskilde University. At McKinsey, he co-leads the firm’s public sector work in Europe, focusing on people and organisational performance, while his academic research centres on the circular economy. He ranks among the most highly cited circular economy scholars worldwide. He earned his PhD from St Antony’s College, University of Oxford, and is the author of The Lean PhD: Radically Improve the Efficiency, Quality and Impact of Your Research.

In this conversation, we explore curiosity, autonomy, and the value of diverse experiences. Julian also discusses caring too much about external demands, and how this can undermine autonomy, meaning, and impact.

This episode will resonate with anyone carving out their own path and explores what it can take to make your own impact.

For more of Julian's work:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julian-kirchherr-42a52032/

For more of my work:
Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore your own good life through:
- 1-on-1 coaching and online group courses: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching
- The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
- My newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching

00:00 Curiosity Over One Question

02:35 Bullshit In Academia

07:23 Autonomy And Freedom

09:01 Disillusion With Academia

12:18 Early Intellectual Influences

14:55 Myanmar And Outsized Impact

19:59 Pre-Academia Model

26:12 Energy From Dual Roles

30:02 Bias Toward Action

42:50 Bridging Knowledge And Practice

46:51 What is a good life for Julian?

On the 154th episode of What Is a Good Life?, I’m joined by Katie Elliott.

Katie is a facilitator, writer, and programme designer working across community and organisational settings. With a background in jazz and a long-standing fascination with human change and habits, she creates tools, conversations, and projects that explore how people make sense of themselves and one another. Her work includes Amiko® Cards, the Adventures in Behaviour Change podcast, a series of children’s books, and an album of original piano music.

In this conversation, we explore curiosity, bewilderment, and the value of staying with experience rather than rushing to explain or resolve it. We talk about patterns, presence, and how meaning slowly reveals itself in relationships and in life — showing how deeper listening and meaningful conversation can genuinely shift how you see yourself and others.

For more of Katie's work:
Website: https://www.littlechallenges.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katieelliott/

For more of my work:
Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore your own good life through:
- 1-on-1 coaching and online group courses: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching
- The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
- My newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching

00:00 — Patterns and Play
04:31 — Bewildered by Humans
07:48 — Not Being Believed
10:21 — Staying Open
13:01 — Kindness Inside
17:17 — Being Human Together
20:56 — Dropping the Mask
23:31 — Jazz and Freedom
31:26 — Creating Human Spaces
40:44 — Making Meaning Together
52:31 — What is a Good Life for Katie?

On the 153rd episode of What Is a Good Life?, I’m joined by Ethan Hsieh for a wide-ranging and deeply human conversation on service, being, and what happens when self-work goes too far.

Ethan is currently undertaking his PhD research integrating performance-training with 4E cognitive science. With an MA in Professional Practice: Theatre and Drama Facilitation, he has designed and delivered transformational community-building programs, retreats, and workshops across Asia and Europe through his organisation 5ToMidnight, where he is Artistic Director. He also serves as Platform Manager for The Lectern and has co-designed select practices with John Vervaeke, including the Socratic Imaginal Self-Reflection and the Socratic Search Space. Ethan maintains a private coaching practice working with corporate leaders, professional athletes, and social organisations.

Together, we explore nihilism, play, embodiment, identity, and the question that now orients Ethan’s life: When does being itself become service?

This episode invites listeners to loosen self-fixation, recover participation, and rediscover what becomes possible when we allow life—and each other—to change us.

For more of Ethan's work:
Website: https://www.5tomidnight.org/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ethan-hsieh-828a63240/

For more of my work:
Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore your own good life through:
- 1-on-1 coaching and online group courses: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching
- The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
- My newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching

00:00 A Question of Service

05:40 Self-Work’s Breaking Point

08:04 From Optimization to Orientation

12:52 Not Knowing Intimately

16:31 Returning to Play

26:56 Letting Experience In

31:31 Contact With Life

36:46 Seeing Others Anew

43:42 Identity Held Loosely

52:19 Embodiment and Coherence

59:30 What is a good life for Ethan?

On the 152nd episode of What is a Good Life?, I welcome Tim Leberecht, one of the most original and passionate voices on creating a more humane future of business. Tim is a German-American entrepreneur, curator, and author, and the co-founder and co-CEO of the House of Beautiful Business, a global community for those who seek more from work and from one another. A sought-after keynote speaker, his two TED Talks have been viewed more than 3 million times. He is the author of The Business Romantic (Harper Business, 2015), translated into ten languages, The End of Winning (Droemer, 2020), and the forthcoming Supercurator (Basic/Hachette, 2027). Tim is also a BMW Foundation Responsible Leader.

In this conversation, Tim reflects on belonging, intimacy, and what it means to live a good life amidst the pressures of performance and an increasingly AI-shaped world. He speaks to the value of sensitivity, connection, and community — and how creating spaces for presence and honest conversation can reshape how we experience ourselves and each other.

This is a conversation for anyone longing for deeper connection — with themselves, with others, and with a world becoming ever more synthetic.

For more of Tim's work:
Website: https://houseofbeautifulbusiness.com/
Books: http://timleberecht.com/books/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tleberecht/
HoBB newsletter: https://houseofbeautifulbusiness.substack.com/

For more of my work:
Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore your own good life through 1-on-1 coaching and group online courses.
- The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
- My newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/p/individual-coaching

00:00 — The question of belonging
04:15 — Morning reconstruction of self
07:42 — Performance and authenticity tension
11:18 — Limits of self-optimisation
15:03 — Beauty and the good life
19:27 — Connection in a synthetic world
23:54 — Silence as shared intimacy
28:31 — Intimacy beyond human relationships
33:45 — AI as conversational partner
38:12 — Being changed by dialogue
44:08 — Sensitivity as core value
51:36 — Conditions for belonging

On the 151st episode of What is a Good Life?, I welcome Olaf Lewitz. Olaf is the Trust Artist, a leadership thinker and coach who’s endlessly curious about our similarities and differences, and how context shapes the quality of attention we give each other. He’s learning how to change systems so that they support life rather than extract or exploit it, sourcing wisdom and insight from unexpected places. He does this through his TrustTemenos Academy and his work with Dark Matter Labs.

In this conversation, we explore the question “What am I missing?” as a way into anger, boundaries, and the stories we tell ourselves – and how much of our “drama” is created by our interpretations rather than reality.

Olaf shares how an unshakeable sense of worth and hope help him live with paradox: enjoying a good life while staying awake to harm, responsibility, and the future of our children – and what that invites us to examine in our own lives.

For more of Olaf's work:
Website: https://www.trusttemenos.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/olaflewitz/

Contact me at mark@whatisagood.life if you'd like to explore your own good life through 1-on-1 coaching and group online courses.
- The podcast's YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/@whatisagoodlife/videos
- My newsletter: https://www.whatisagood.life/

00:00 — “What Am I Missing?”
06:00 — Discovering Anger & Boundaries
11:20 — How We Create Drama
15:45 — Interpreting vs. Experiencing Reality
20:50 — Laughing at Ourselves
24:45 — Balancing Care and Boundaries
29:35 — Childhood Patterns & Self-Worth
35:55 — Hope Without Optimism
41:50 — Paradox of a Good Life
47:40 — Future, Responsibility & Children
53:50 — What is a good life for Olaf?