If the person who wants you feels boring and the one who keeps you guessing feels like home, your attachment style is probably running the show, and it's been running it since before you had words for anything.

On this episode we pick up where trauma bonding left off and break down the four attachment styles, secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized, where they come from, and how they follow you into adult relationships.

We get into Harlow's wire mother and cloth mother study, why comfort is a primary need and not a bonus, and why a caregiver can be completely attentive and still misattuned enough to leave your nervous system convinced the world isn't safe.

Then we get real about why anxious and avoidant keep finding each other, why a secure partner can feel avoidant to someone who's anxious, and why disorganized attachment is the most confusing one to live in, because how you show up depends on who you're with. If relationships leave you feeling confused more than anything else, that might be your clue.

We also talk about how attachment styles are learned, which means they can be unlearned and relearned, and why so much of that shift happens inside healthy relationships, including the one with your therapist.

Plus a few book recs we mentioned in the pod:

The Neurobiology of We Audiobook: https://a.co/d/08yBcPzw

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: https://a.co/d/04MWeJmB

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: https://a.co/d/04wYBclT

Want the attachment quiz we use in our own practices? Take it free at attachmentproject.com

New episodes drop every Wednesday.

Submit a Question for the Pod here: https://beacons.ai/shadyuntamedpodcast

We're both licensed therapists, but this podcast is not therapy and we are not your therapists. It's education with a little humor mixed in, not clinical advice.

If you're in crisis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741. If you're in an abusive relationship, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or by texting START to 88788.

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