Why is people pleasing so common in the neurodivergent community? We discuss that very topic on this week's episode of the podcast.

"It is what it is. If people don't wanna be friends with me, it is what it is. Every day should be a learning day. Every day should be a day to work on yourself and your confidence."

Asma welcomes back autism advocate Carly Considine to explore the often overlooked topic of people-pleasing within the neurodivergent community.

Carly shares her personal journey with people-pleasing, anxious attachment, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. She offers practical insights into recognising these patterns and setting healthy boundaries.

This conversation is a good reminder that understanding our values and prioritising self-care isn't selfish. It's essential for wellbeing.

Key takeaways:

• People-pleasing is common in neurodivergent individuals and often stems from a fear of rejection, anxious attachment, and difficulty understanding social expectations.

• Many neurodivergent people use masking techniques and say "yes" automatically to maintain friendships and avoid hurting others. Even at the cost of their own wellbeing and energy.

• Learning to differentiate between surface-level friendships and genuine connections helps you decide where to invest your time and energy.

• The Spoon Theory framework helps you to recognise when you're overcommitting and pushing beyond your limits.

• Setting boundaries is a journey, not a destination. If you're still learning to say no, that's okay. Progress comes from daily reflection and self-compassion.

"People don't want you to be a yes person. They want you to have your own opinions, they want you to have your own choices."

About Carly:

Carly Considine is an autistic adult from England diagnosed in 2015. She has two autistic daughters diagnosed in 2019. Carly for several years volunteered for National Autistic Society co-running the South Wiltshire Branch. Carly now is an online advocate and shares her experiences as not only an autistic adult but a parent of autistic children. Carly has a keen interest in female autism and how the traits can differ, she also has a passion to highlight the comorbidities that can come with Autism such as ADHD. Carly is currently working on qualifications to support her presence in the community.

Where to find Carly:

Facebook

Instagram

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How do we amplify student voices when it comes to SEND education? Neurodiversity and inclusion specialist, Alex Silk, comes on the podcast to discuss.

"We need to be asking how they feel about their school experience. Do they feel a part of that whole school dynamic? Do they belong?"

In this episode of Your Voice Matters, Asma Jacob welcomes Alex Silk, with 12 years of expertise in special educational needs. Alex shares her journey from a well-paid corporate career to working as a teaching assistant in a special needs school, where she discovered her true calling.

Alex discusses the vital importance of listening to young people's voices in educational decisions, the realities of different school provisions, and practical strategies for supporting neurodivergent students. Whether you're a parent navigating educational choices or someone interested in inclusive education, this episode offers valuable insights into creating meaningful support systems that truly meet the needs of every young person.

Key takeaways:

• Career fulfillment comes from making a genuine difference, not just earning money. Find your true purpose.

• Learning communication goes both ways: observing and adapting to how young people communicate is more effective than expecting them to adapt to us.

• Most children with additional needs thrive in mainstream schools with appropriate support, and families should explore all options, including resource provisions within mainstream settings.

• Educational decisions should prioritise the young person's voice and experience.

• Research and school visits are essential, but the most important factor is listening to what feels right for your child and respecting their preferences.

"I learned so much about communication from these young people in that so many of them didn't have a voice at all. They used signing, gesture, eye gaze, or various different communication styles that I had no idea even existed."

About Alex

Alex Silk is a passionate Neurodiversity and Inclusion Specialist with over 12 years of experience teaching young people with SEND thrive across mainstream, resourced, and specialist settings.

She works at the intersection of education, research, and real-world impact — leading inclusive curriculum design, empowering families and professionals through training, and shaping meaningful change in schools.

Where to find Alex

LinkedIn

SENsational Tutors

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What if the key to helping your child navigate school transitions isn't about removing their anxiety but giving them the tools to transform it?

"On the other side of fear is the thing that you want."

In this episode of Your Voice Matters, Asma Jacob welcomes Sam Bowley, a hypnotherapist specialising in anxiety management for neurodivergent children and young people. Sam shares her experience running transition programmes that support children moving from primary to secondary school and between year groups.

From creating safe spaces to understanding the unique challenges neurodivergent children face, Sam offers practical strategies for managing anxiety during times of change.

Bonus: We conclude with a guided visualisation exercise designed to build confidence and calm.

Key takeaways:

• Creating safe spaces is essential for neurodivergent children to feel comfortable opening up about their anxieties.
• Transitions bring multiple challenges at once e.g. new environments, teachers and routines. This can be overwhelming for neurodivergent individuals.
• Simple techniques like breathing exercises and visualisation can transform anxiety into confidence and help children navigate challenging situations.
• Fear often holds us back from reaching our potential, but with the right tools and support, we can move beyond it.

"We really don't fulfil most of our potential of what we can do, and sometimes we allow fear to get in the way. But actually on the other side of fear is the thing that you want."

About Sam Bowley

Sam Bowley is a hypnotherapist who specialises in anxiety management using techniques including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Matrix Reimprinting.
She works with children and young people, particularly neurodivergent individuals, and has developed transition programmes to support students moving between schools and year groups.

At Happy Minds, Sam creates supportive environments where children can develop confidence and practical tools to manage anxiety. Her approach focuses on empowerment, helping young people recognise their own strength and potential.

Learn more about Achievable Journey.

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"Anxiety is more than nothing. It's extremely exhausting and debilitating. It's okay not to be okay."

Anxiety doesn't always need a reason and it's never "nothing." In this episode of Your Voice Matters, Asma Jacob speaks with Carly Considine, an autistic adult and mother of autistic children, about the reality of living with heightened anxiety.

Carly shares personal stories of panic attacks, the struggle to find rationality in anxious moments, and practical coping strategies that help her family navigate daily challenges.

From mindfulness techniques to the exhaustion of masking, this conversation offers validation and hope for anyone whose anxiety feels overwhelming.

Key takeaways:

• You don't need something specific to be anxious about. Sometimes anxiety comes from nowhere, and that's valid.
• When anxiety takes over, logical thinking becomes nearly impossible. Having a calm, rational person nearby can help ground you.
• Racing heart, shaking, feeling hot, stomach aches etc. Anxiety shows up in the body in powerful ways that can't be dismissed.
• Hiding anxiety to fit in or get through social situations uses enormous energy and leads to exhaustion afterward.
• Walking, breathing exercises, mindfulness activities and keeping busy with small tasks can help regulate during anxious moments.

"If you can be anything in this world, be kind."

About Carly:

Carly Considine is an autistic adult and a mother to autistic children. She is an online advocate passionate about raising awareness of anxiety as a common comorbidity with autism. Through her platform, Carly shares the realities of navigating neurodivergence as both a parent and an individual, emphasising the importance of understanding, acceptance, and kindness. Her honest approach to discussing panic attacks, school anxiety, and the exhaustion of masking helps others feel less alone in their experiences.

Learn more about Achievable Journey.

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Trigger warning: This episode discusses childhood trauma, sexual abuse, medical trauma, paralysis, and societal discrimination.

Living with a disability and neurodivergence while defying the odds, Malaika (MK) proves that medical expectations don't define your journey and achievements.

"Find your spark. Go make your soul happy. Do what you love, and let's heal this world together." - Malaika (MK)

In this episode of Your Voice Matters, Asma Jacob chats with Malaika, a multi-creative advocate who shares their journey of navigating multiple disabilities, childhood trauma, and discovering healing through creativity and community.

From professional football to working with UNICEF, Malaika opens up about boundaries, self-care, and advocating for the Black disabled community. This honest and raw conversation is for anyone seeking to live authentically and find what makes their soul spark - and how we're soul-beings not human beings.

"We treat each other like we're money beings, not human beings. We're more than that, we're soul beings." - Malaika (MK)

Key takeaways:

• The body keeps score. Childhood trauma, whether physical, emotional, or sexual, lives in the body. Healing requires acknowledging pain and creating safe spaces for release.

• Learning to set boundaries as an adult is a process of reparenting yourself. Not everyone will like your boundaries, but they're necessary for your wellbeing.

• Find what makes your soul spark. Discovering activities that bring joy and balance is crucial for managing physical and emotional regulation.

• Community and connection heal us. Sharing stories, building authentic relationships, and supporting each other reduces isolation and creates collective healing.

About Malaika:

Malaika is a multi-creative advocate, disabled person, and neurodivergent individual living in the UK. Born in Uganda in 1988 and raised in Britain from age two, Malaika has worn many hats, from playing professional football and working with UNICEF and UNAIDS to advocating for Project Red and challenging childhood trauma patterns. Living with multiple disabilities including paralysis, autism, and ADHD, she uses their platform to speak about the intersections of race, disability, neurodivergence, and spirituality. Through creative expression and community building, she champions the message that our voices matter and that healing is possible when we find our spark.

Where to find Malaika:

Learn more about Achievable Journey.

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Trigger warning: This episode includes honest discussion about isolation, stigma, and the challenges of living with chronic illness.

In this episode of Your Voice Matters, Asma Jacob speaks with Belinda Moscoso, a passionate advocate for the neurodivergent and SEND communities.

Belinda shares her journey of receiving a late diagnosis of ADHD and autism alongside her son, as well as her experiences of living with chronic illness.

Together, they explore the importance of acceptance, resilience, inclusivity, and the power of advocacy in breaking down stigma. This episode offers encouragement, practical insight, and hope for families and individuals navigating neurodivergence.

"Being positive is the key. I really do. Because if you're going to be negative about it, how are you going to get people to accept it? How are you going to get people to want to learn?" - Belinda Moscoso

Key takeaways:

• Neurodivergence and chronic illness can overlap, creating unique challenges that require compassion and understanding.

• Advocacy and community support are powerful tools for creating change.

• Acceptance without judgment is essential for building an inclusive world.

• Positivity and openness can encourage others to learn, understand, and support neurodivergent individuals.

Learn more about Achievable Journey

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Share this episode with someone who could benefit from hearing the voice of the SEND and neurodivergent community.