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Kim Polinder is a relationship coach, associate therapist, and the author of Why We Fight (HarperOne, July 2026).
Before she ever sat with a client, Kim spent years inside Fortune 500 corporations as an IT engineer, building systems and mapping the logic behind complex problems. When she left that world to pursue clinical mental health and spiritual psychology, she brought the same engineer's mind with her. The result is a systems-based approach to conflict that her clients call a game changer: a practical flowchart that helps couples understand why they fight, regulate their emotions in real time, and repair instead of repeat.
Kim knows this work from the inside out. Adopted from Korea and raised in a white Christian family in small-town America, she spent years navigating questions of belonging, identity, and love. That journey became the foundation for everything she teaches. This includes the understanding that beneath nearly every fight is a deeper fear: Am I lovable? Do I matter to you? Do you still want me?
Today, Kim founded the Polinder Coaching Group, working with individuals and couples around the world. Her relationship content has reached over 600,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube, with millions of views on her viral videos covering attachment styles, communication, emotional regulation, and conflict repair.
Why We Fight is her first book. It's a transformative road map that guides readers through discovering their core wound, understanding how it shows up in their relationships, and following a clear, practical process for changing the patterns that keep them stuck. It is the book Kim wishes someone had handed her years ago.
She lives in Long Beach, California, with her partner.
Instagram: @kp_counseling
TikTok: @kp_counseling108
YouTube: @engineeringlovepodcast
Website: kimpolinder . com
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