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Publisher's Summary

“One of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.” (Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Models

Dr. Robert Glover’s groundbreaking book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, has helped create a worldwide movement of men seeking to become more conscious, authentic, empowered, and successful. 

Just what is a Nice Guy, why is being nice a problem, and why would someone write a book that teaches men to be not nice? A Nice Guy, according to Dr. Glover, is a man who believes he is not okay, just as he is. Due to both societal and familial conditioning, this man is convinced he must become what he thinks others want him to be in order to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others. This inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice. 

In fact, Nice Guys are generally: 

  • Dishonest 
  • Secretive 
  • Manipulative 
  • Controlling 
  • Self-centered and narcissistic 
  • Passive-aggressive 

Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, caretaking, fixing, people pleasing, avoiding conflict, unsatisfying relationships, and issues with sexuality, pornography, and compulsive masturbation. The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts: 

  1. If I am good, then I will be liked and loved (and the women I want to have sex with will want to have sex with me). 
  2. If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask. 
  3. If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life. 

These covert contracts create a roadmap for life that rarely results in the Nice Guy getting what he really wants. Thankfully, there are answers. 

No More Mr. Nice Guy teaches men how to: 

  • Set boundaries and handle conflict 
  • Live with purpose and passion 
  • Release toxic shame 
  • Soothe anxiety 
  • Differentiate from fused emotional systems 
  • Connect with men and build tribe 
  • Have satisfying relationships 
  • Experience great sex 
  • Live life on their terms 
  • Achieve success 
  • Live up their potential in work and career 

This process allows the recovering Nice Guy to move through: 

  • Depression 
  • Social anxiety and shyness 
  • Codependency 
  • Low self-esteem
  • Loneliness and hopelessness 
  • Feelings of failure 
  • Lack of confidence and purpose 
  • Compulsive behaviors and addictions 
  • Feeling stuck in life 

Contrary to what the title might seem to imply, No More Mr. Nice Guy does not teach men how to be not nice. In fact, Dr. Glover shows men how to become what he calls an Integrated Male. Becoming integrated doesn’t mean becoming different or better. It means being able to accept all aspects of one’s self. An integrated male is able to embrace everything that makes him unique: his power, his assertiveness, his humor, his courage, and his mission, as well as his imperfections, his mistakes, his rough edges, and his dark side. If you are single and are frequently told you are “too nice” and end up in the friend zone, if you are married and frustrated with conflicts or lack of sex, or if you are rotting in middle management in the workplace, this book is for you. If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how. Dr. Glover holds a Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy and is committed to empowering men to achieve dating and relationship success. He is a recovering Nice Guy. 

©2000, 2003 Robert Glover (P)2017 Recorded Books

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What listeners say about No More Mr. Nice Guy

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Nice guys finish last in the real world

Makes you think about your own beliefs. Don't be nice, read this book. It's worth it.

4 people found this helpful

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simply fantastic!!

This is undoubtedly one of the best self help books I've ever read. I could see myself everywhere in it. it's as though this book was written just for me!!

2 people found this helpful

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  • T
  • 21-05-19

Impressive

A guidebook for life. I managed to understand and loved it. The chapters could have been broken down into a considerable few minutes. Coz each chapter is way too long to complete and feels less motivated to listen and listen.

2 people found this helpful

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This book helps Understanding myself better..

This book changed my opinion/view about myself. I have been a nice guy as for as I know. I don't tell my pain to people when their words hurt me, assuming that, bearing pain is a symbol of maturity. I have been allowing people to hurt me with words again and again, and Dont tell them, because I think I supposed not to tell them, if I love them. This book will help you find more about you and your relationships..

1 person found this helpful

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good one

highly recommended...It really helped me in my life.. I used to be nice guy.... and now I'm improving nice guy...

1 person found this helpful

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You have to read this book! It's just brilliant.

Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant. This is a Life changer. If you're a man, you have to read this book. And live the principles and breaking free activities. It can and will change your life.

If you're a woman, you still need to read this to help you understand your man better and transform your relationship.

Thank you for writing this book Dr. Glover

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perfect book for nice guy syndrome

while listening this book, many time I felt like how this author know very well about me. worth following the breaking free points.

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Based.

No more Mr. Door mat.
A must read for every (wannabe) man in 21st century.

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very relatable

a must listen for all the nice guys out there
who have been suffering from this nasty syndrome all through their lives.
this books explains exactly why we are what we are
and helps you to be the man you wanted to be

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A life changing book

Every guy should listen to it, even women can, the term Nice Guy applies to a multitude of people and is free of gender identity, as it is described by certain behaviours which can be found in any person who has went through certain situations during their childhood.

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  • Charles Mckeever
  • 25-03-18

Nailed me right between the eyes

As a 46 year old male, ex-Marine, and self professed “nice guy” I finally understand that all this time, I have been causing my own pain. It hasn’t been my career, my spouse, my friends, my environmental conditions. The common factor in all those things has been me. No more Mr. nice guy described many of my own internal feelings like someone was reading my mind. Things that I’ve never told anyone. Now that I have clarity on these issues, I now have a way to work through them to be set free. I’ve already applied some of the techniques with immediate results. Mainly because the change started with me, which then encouraged positive responses from others. So basically, now I’m in the process of reviewing all of my thoughts and actions to challenge and change the defaults. If you even think this book might help you, take a chance. I did and I’m so very thankful to the author.

59 people found this helpful

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  • 05-02-18

literally fixed me

I struggled to find the answer to why my marriage failed and my ex girlfriend cheated on me. the book cured me of my condition. real help inside. actionable and practical.

23 people found this helpful

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  • The Adventure Medic
  • 26-10-18

Life Changing

Every man needs to read this book. Period.
It's everything you missed growing up, and everything you need to be a happier and better man than you ever thought possible.
There's no clearer way to say this, do not skip this book. It literally saved my life, my relationships, and opened the door to a life I never dreamed was possible for me.

20 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-08-18

Only for nice guys!

Overall, this book tries to explain the origin of the nice guy and why he acts like he does. Some good excercises to help overcome nice guy syndrome, but I only recommend this book if this is your first read on the topic.

11 people found this helpful

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  • Bjorn Thorkelson
  • 30-12-17

Practical guide for people pleasers

This book really resonated with me. It details many of the reasons and solutions for overcoming toxic shame. This is the updated version of the book. I’m not sure if the previous version had a pdf, but this one doesn’t. Tough to practically implement the recommended exercises without that.

8 people found this helpful

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  • Justin Cain
  • 29-01-19

amazing book

listened to it multiple times. cant say enough about how its helped me, in my personal and professional life. this contained innumerable revelations about why I do the things I do, and how to better myself in those situations.

7 people found this helpful

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  • David Rivera
  • 16-01-19

dissatisfied with life? buy the book

exellent book! it helps you see, how you in childhood from not getting your needs met, adapted to patterns of not making a lot of trouble, not asking for things and putting other people needs before your own (to deserve love, attention or whatever you need ), and how that's making it difficult getting your needs met as an adult.
it forces you to see your darker, disfunctional sides and how you sabotage for yourself. it's hard and felt heavy sometimes, but in the end I think it's worth it.
it encourages you to seek support and help from safe people, therapist or join a support group, to help you through your problems and help you get your needs met. there are 45 different exercises with questions to help you see and change your behavior. I will listen to this book again and do all of them. thanks for a great book!

7 people found this helpful

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  • david rocabado
  • 06-08-18

Very insightful...

Upon listening to the book, I listened the sample and from there it started describing certain things that made sense in describing the type of person I may be. So now I want to learn more in which I did, but it definitely takes another listen. So much information about what you can learn from being too passive and explains just enough for you to understand ways to control your niceness. I'm hoping to learn more the second time around, so I can better understand myself and how I treat others... thank you!

7 people found this helpful

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  • Sha’ul Newman
  • 28-07-19

This book will end your misery!

I’m a veracious reader, I typically read/listen to over 300 books per year. This is the book that I’ve searched for my entire life. In the span of seven hours, I went from being a scared four year old boy to a 45 year old man. This book reveals why you have troubles in life, relationships and sex. It gets inside your head like nothing else will. This book is pure magic. Dr. Glover gave me my life back when he wrote this book. I’ve already listened to it 4 times and it will be a regular recurring read throughout the remainder of my life. I only wish that I had read it years ago. 5 stars isn’t a high enough rating.

6 people found this helpful

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  • MatthewFF
  • 04-07-18

This book changed my life

Absolutely the worst best thing to ever happen to me. Finding this book saved my life. If you have ever been called a nice guy too much or consider yourself a nice guy read this book!

The first chapter was a punch to the gut and a knee to the face. my world was turned upside down immediately for the better. don't take my word for it. Get this book!

5 people found this helpful

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  • Saundg
  • 04-12-18

Conflicted

I have to say that I am somewhat conflicted about this book. On one hand I found some of the personal observations ‘spot on’, but I could not relate to any of the supposed causes of the ‘Nice Guy’ syndrome. I think the root cause analysis is far to simplistic and not really based on current scientific thinking on how our personalities are formed. That said, their are some nuggets to be found in the section ms on self sabotaging behaviour

10 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 30-08-18

for guys really struggling maybe... for others no.

this book is for guys who are really struggling in their relationship and life. I'm talking about guys who aren't allowed to go out, have the missus control the purse strings, have a dominant partner that treats then like shit etc. It endorses alot of support groups, 12 step groups etc

I bought this book to try and get some tips on how to say "no" to people at work and be a little more assertive... it focussed too much on a male being not too strong in his relationship at home and didn't really focus on work (although I'm sure transferable).

there is some good aspects of the book, but I felt 90% just wasn't applicable to my situation.

For: guys who are having trouble getting what they want at home (their own time, speaking up etc)

Not for: guys who feel their relationship at home is good, but feel they could do with some more assertiveness.

43 people found this helpful

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  • Lyndsey
  • 31-01-19

every man needs to read

this is an amazing book for both men and women an eye opener and a new happy life

4 people found this helpful

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  • 23-05-18

Game Changer

I didn’t know what to expect from the book, but it helped me realise who I am and I can make big changes in my life now. A really helpful listen.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 17-03-18

A turning point in my life.

The same as what the author/narrator states, every chapter will resonate with the 'nice guy'.
The author has had enough experience dealing with nice guys to be able to hit on alot of signals associated with the issue to which i was not prepared for. To say he knows my deep seated issues is an understatement.
Quality of narration and subject knowledge is top class.
If you want to get the most out of this audio book, do not take this as a fleeting past time that you listen to on the way to work for 15minutes; dive into it head first, set a few hours aside regularly to do the activities and dig down deep to confront all the shit and sort out all that preprograming that is holding you back.

14 people found this helpful

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  • Gus
  • 16-09-20

Good ideas, very poorly written

Having higher standards for oneself, defending oneself, creating boundaries and demanding no less than absolute respect are the most important things one can ask for himself; therefore I don't disagree with the overall ideas exposed in the book.

The way however the author goes to explain these ideas are absolutely toxic and filled with negativity.
1. The author goes to say that all the mishaps in our lives are due to our parents and their bad parenting. In my opinion you can blame parents for a misbehaving teenager or young adult who doesn't know any better, but come on... blaming parents when a 30+ year old man is still a nice guy is just too easy. Wanna-be psychologist need to stop using the Freudian arguments of "Parents are all to blame". It's cheap and ridiculous.
2. Technically this is how this book is written "Nice guys like you are, let people step on their boundaries, have no self-respect, are failures in love, career and life. Therefore stop being a nice guy by creating boundaries, have self-respect and be successful in love, career and life" ... So, a) the author tries to give you that "tough-love" treatment which honestly is very insulting; assuming you're the worst and least confident human being on earth; b) says what "nice-guys" do without offering anything really practical to resolve it. Just saying "create boundaries" or "have self-respect" are general advice I can offer to anyone; and I'm not even a qualified psychologist.

These ideas could offer considerably more benefits to someone reading/listening the book if they were written in a different way; c.f. to a style closer to Robert Greene perhaps.

1 person found this helpful

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  • ChuzzyChu
  • 14-11-19

I learned so much about myself in this book...

Dr. Robert Glover did a phenomenal work in researching and penning this book to help men get out of their own way.

I discovered and learned so much about myself which I didn't like, I also realised things I have been doing that hasn't been serving me for years. But most importantly, I love that Dr. Glover also gave recommendations on how I could overcome my shortcomings a live a more powerful and super successful life as a strong man... Even in today's gyno-centric world.

While reading the book, I was already taking some of its recommended actions, and I already started liberating myself from discomforts about sex, talking about sex, and expressing myself more powerfully to the opposite sex.

I highly recommend this book to every man, even if you think or believe you're an alpha male. A lot of my friends identified me as an alpha male from my secondary school days, but this book spoke to me deep in my gut, and I learned a lot - for which I'm eternally grateful to Dr. Glover for.

Once again, this is a highly recommended read to every man.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Dreamer
  • 28-11-18

Sensible Observations

The book details a (male child's) defective self development at childhood and how it affect his choice of spouse and subsequently his conduct in the relationship by passing on the buck, when in reality the man uses pkeasing behaviour to cover up for his short coming , and sonehows sees the other person as the issue, despite the man (child) best effort ar deceptive an overt pleasing behaviour. The pleasing behaviour is includes but is not limited to the following. Buying his partner gifts, helping with house work and generally doing whats expected of a (beta male) or man child

1 person found this helpful

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  • Joe Bloom
  • 24-11-18

Probably the most important book I have ever read

See your relationships for what they are/were. This book shows you how you have a nice guy mentality that in fact causes more problems, insecurities and manipulation within you.

Just read this damn book, and then read it another 3 times.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Dave Blundell
  • 08-09-18

The best book a man can read!

Where do I start? After trying to find a cure for struggling with life and love. Having read books on self help, spirituality and the meaning of life this book diagnosed me 100%. Yep I am a Nice Guy! This was like reading my own life story.... because it was! I read this book open mouthed and amazed, after 50 years of hell I now know the problem that has been my constant curse. I owe Robert Glover a debt of gratitude, because now I can hopefully become a "Man" and not a "Nice guy" anymore. If you're a male out there struggling in life and love and never getting to where you think you deserve to be you have to read this book. In fact I think every man needs to read this book to stop and to halt the nice guy/half man plague that has afflicted the male population. BUY THIS BOOK YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY 10/10

2 people found this helpful

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  • Thadeus
  • 02-07-18

Absolute Godsend!

I was one of those guys many years ago, 10 yrs in the same job too scared to start my own business. After listening to this I started training in Muay Thai at age 28. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself. My confidence exploded. Left my job, started my own business, married the girl of my dreams.

Sadly once married I slipped back into Nice guy / AFC / Beta guy tendencies. My business failed, marriage failed and here I am almost 10 years later starting over again.

The takeaway is once you break out, don’t stop doing the stuff recommended in this book that got you out. It’s so easy to slip back in.

Go time!!

8 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 30-08-19

From a woman’s perspective.. from my perspective

I wish that I had had the benefit of listening to the Wisdom of this content. Listening to some parts of the book make me realise how cringeworthy some of my behaviours have been to past partners and raising my son.
I would encourage men and women to listen to this content and glean what is relevant to your life and relationships. It will undoubtedly improve some aspect(s) of your current relationships.
And the best part .. you don’t lose any down time listening to Audible which keeps me on task when driving and undertaking my chores. 💕

2 people found this helpful

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  • Rick
  • 13-08-19

This man is doing god's work

This book isn't very applicable to me and yet I got so much out of reading it. It's great to know that someone has so perfectly put this information into a format that is accessible and ready to help those that need it.I know hundreds of men in my life that need this book. If you're even slightly unhappy with your work life, your marriage or your love/sex life in general you will surely get something out of this. Even if you don't, you'll simply smile when you realise that there's someone out there helping these men that need it. I have read countless books on similar topics and I think this is the only one that has the chance of being 'mainstream' which is the crucial part of solving this issue. Men and women alike can go through this and take it as a positive thing and nobody need be ashamed of it. Magical work.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Will M
  • 31-07-19

Highly Recommended

Only wish I had found it sooner.
If you’ve been recommended this book by someone there’s a good reason for it. The information is powerful and life-changing.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Antonino
  • 29-07-18

life changing.

I feel like the book was written based on my life. would definitely recommend to other people

2 people found this helpful

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  • Christopher Lazar
  • 15-07-21

life changing

i stumbled upon this book by sheer accident one morning wheni was the most depressed i'd been in a while. i made one last attempt at trying to understand what my problem was when i heard the title in a random YouTube video. This book had opened my mind, helped me begin sorting out my life, publish a crime-fiction novel i've been working on (Escape: what would you do if you could go back?) and many more things. Not to be dramatic, but this book saved my life. Thank you Robert.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 15-07-21

breaks you down... helps you to rebuild yourself.

lived up to the expectation. at risk of being another cliche , you relate to it so much you realize you're a walking stereotype and Dr glover aims to help you rebuild a better self once the stark and debilitating truth sets in. well explained. well narrated

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 22-07-18

Life Changing

Initially, I wasn’t sure if this book was for me. If I could get something out of it that would be great, but instead it really hit me with some home truths that will transform my life in all areas

1 person found this helpful

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  • Michael
  • 01-06-18

Thank you.

This book was a well deserved & overdue slip in the face. Thank you so much.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Val
  • 22-02-18

a must read for all blokes

absolutely blew my mind
I never felt so understood before and it answered so many nagging feelings I've had within myself

1 person found this helpful