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  • Not Nice

  • Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
  • Written by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
  • Narrated by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
  • Length: 18 hrs and 2 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (9 ratings)

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Not Nice

Written by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
Narrated by: Dr. Aziz Gazipura PsyD
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Publisher's Summary

Are you too nice?

If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness.

In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.

You'll discover how to:

  • Easily say "no" when you want to and need to
  • Confidently and effectively ask for what you want
  • Speak up more freely in all your relationships
  • Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think
©2017 Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD (P)2017 Dr. Aziz Gazipura, PsyD

What listeners say about Not Nice

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self exploration

feel enormous gratitude towards Dr Aziz .this book has help me understand myself and has shown me the way to have a more fulfilling and happy life.

2 people found this helpful

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Dr Aziz rocks

I am just 1/3rd on this book, I don't need to finish this to rate 5 starts. So honest, so easy to relate. I will update this review once I am done with the book and once I start taking bold actions, but the score deserve a solid 10 for just the first few chapters itself.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Shannon Slater
  • 07-12-18

Changed my life forever

You know its gonna be a good review whenever you see "I USUALLY DONT LEAVE REVIEWS BUT..."
Well this is one of those.

How was this book?
Short answer: Life-changing

Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right?
This is such a poisonous mindset, and this book REALLY elaborates on that.
In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it.
I have been completely transformed.
I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all.

I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol.
This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology.

Example #1:
-I accidentally brush up against someones shoulder while walking in a hallway-

Old me: Sorry about that

New me: *silence*

What the hell do I have to apologize about? I didn't do ANYTHING wrong.

Example #2:
-A friend asks me to help them move-

Old me: I would love to! and you know I would! its just [I am now lying...] its just I have to take care of this thing at 5pm and I can't push it back any further.. Man this sucks, because I totally would help you move, I just can't today.

New me: I'll pass actually, I'm tired and I really just wanted to relax today.

This is now how I actually respond to requests like this.

I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.
I now consider myself to be more assertive than the most assertive person I've ever met. Those people who I used to be jealous of? I don't consider them to be as assertive as I am now. My family and friends notice that radical change. I make saying no look easy.
And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.

BUT WARNING:
The steps in becoming this way are VERY uncomfortable at first. Dr.Aziz gives you all the steps you need and outlines all the exercises for you, but you HAVE to do them in order to change. There's no other way. You can't just read this book and become transformed. Not gonna happen.
The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time.
The first exercise, when I did it, I was so incredibly uncomfortable I wanted to hide lol. Now looking back, doing that exercise again seems effortless to me now.
But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever.

This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day.

If there is one thing in my entire life I could change, it would be reading this book much earlier in my life.

97 people found this helpful

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  • Sebastian Korwal
  • 26-02-18

Cultural attitudes get in the way of the message

The concept of this book is good, and some may find some valuable information and advice here. However, the author seems to have some cultural attitudes that conflict with those of us in the West. As a female, I found some of his comments, especially regarding his dating attitudes and later towards his wife, very condescending, even chauvinistic. His comments seem to stem from a male-dominated society where women are seen as less than, and "the weaker sex."

I tried to continue listening, but after awhile these chauvinistic attitudes were just too much. I couldn't keep listening to his condescension and barely contained arrogance. I found it offensive and off-putting, leaving me angry and unable to focus on the message of the book itself.

55 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 15-08-18

Life Changing

There have been very few books that have changed my life and this is one of them. I am an old guy and if something like this was available to me when I was young I would have avoided decades of torment. Thank you Aziz for making a difference in me.

53 people found this helpful

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  • Le Magicien.
  • 02-04-18

Better than excellent!

I never leave reviews, but this goes to show you what a great impact this book had on me .

Very good, I learned a lot from this book, more so than any other book I've ever read.

I even created my Bill of Rights and I live by those. it is my great pleasure to recommend this book and its author.

48 people found this helpful

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  • Piotr Raszka
  • 14-01-18

If it would be 100 stars rating review, I would give 100.

Do you remember a book ‘No more Mr nice guy’? I hate hate that book. After reading it, I felt that I am more screw up, then before that book. I did not remember any tool, just how fucked up nice people are. (Not author, he was perfect) So, I was kind of sceptic, before I start to read ‘Not nice’ But this book is nothing like that. Actually the book is brilliant. It’s guidebook, how to liberate yourself, to finally feel comfortable with yourself, authentic, bold and free. Great explanations about inner mechanisms and mindsets, examples, tools and exercises. If you struggle with stress and expressing yourself. You will find here everything what you need and more. Really good job Mr Aziz.
I know my English is not perfect but I won’t apologize for that ;))

31 people found this helpful

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  • Utilisateur anonyme
  • 04-02-20

Lots of annoying self-promotion

Makes an okay argument for avoiding the trap of being a people pleaser... could've achieved the same thing in half the time though... tons of shameless self promotion... kept thinking that it was really annoying how the author was trying to tell me what to think about the book i.e. that its awesome and what its teaching is amazing and will change my life... instead of just leaving me to draw my own conclusions about

29 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 12-01-19

4 hours in and ...

Im four hours into this book and he’s still raving about how great the book is and how life changing it is but yet no instructions, guidance, or examples of any kind on actually what to do or how to change it. Now I still have 14 hours to go, hopefully I can hang in there and get through it and update my review. So far, it’s unbearable.

21 people found this helpful

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  • Justice Campbell
  • 09-05-18

awful

Talks about self constantly. Seriously needs editing. 18 hours of talking about his life. Rambling. Get wild at heart or no more mr. Nice Guy - 2 far better books. The rational male or models are two other great books on the same subject. This book sucked.

20 people found this helpful

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  • Barbara Allen
  • 29-10-18

This book isn’t in order!!!

The chapters don’t show up and they are OUT OF ORDER! Fix this please! Loved the book hate how horribly audible is executed for all the books I buy!

19 people found this helpful

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  • Don
  • 06-02-18

Too Long

What disappointed you about Not Nice?

This audio is long, so long. Dr. Aziz seems to just ramble on and on. I feel the material could be condensed and made more applicable. More content doesn't mean better results. Its really the opposite. More content gives you analysis paralysis. Meaning you never take action because there is just too much to learn, remember, and apply. That's what happened to me. Find something that gets more to the point.

18 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 21-02-20

Excellently read and so insightful

I keep trying to like audiobooks but I find the narrators annoying after a while and I turn off. Not Dr Aziz. You can tell he is ‘reading’ the text but he also ad-libs and inserts tone and words that add to the natural flow of the narration.

The content is so insightful. I have actually bought the hard copy too so I can read it and do the tasks when I’m not driving to work!

Excellent!

6 people found this helpful

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  • Juaneezy
  • 16-01-18

Excellent Book

The best self help book I've come across dealing with social anxiety & confidence 5*

6 people found this helpful

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  • Julia
  • 02-03-20

Helpful book, content and narration

I started to listen to this book after working with a difficult supervisor that led me to quit. I did good by quitting but I wish I could have been more confident and speak up without feeling guilty to higher authorities without feeling guilty or bad beforehand. Also I wanted to make sure I prevented the bad habit of adapting and caring for other needs and feelings without prioritizing my own, and accepting situations and behavior I did not like to try to keep things nice. I think this in particular contributed to my stomach pain. This book is very holisitic and touches on all these aspects, with a authentic and engaging narration. I am working on these aspects with this book and I am starting to see some progress, although it is uncomfortable along the way. I know that with time it will become less uncomfortable and more fulfilling and lead to a healthier life. Thank you!

5 people found this helpful

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  • ayman
  • 02-09-18

The worth book I have ever listened to

Useless long book, this book could be summarized in 4 hours and the rest is just marketing for the author , repeating the same ideas many times and even marketing his website !!!
It’s a book that can’t even be sold as cheap couching talks , on top of that it has tones of useless stories about the author and his family where he tries to be funny !!
If u just listen to a few very videos on YouTube would be better than this book
Horrible book

5 people found this helpful

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  • joy6765
  • 05-08-21

If you're shy and lack confidence - buy this book.

This is the best book for me. I was actually sad when it was finished. I've suffered from shyness and lack of confidence my whole life and this is the first book where I felt the author, who is also the narrator, is truly at my level. The complete honesty and his self reflection hit home with me. I felt like he was mirroring everything I was struggling internally with and the logic and exercises he shares are so helpful and insightful to me. I continue to play this in my car on my way to and from work because it's like having my own personal shrink and cheerleader rolled into one that I can take with me and listen to when I feel the anxiety start to build in me. Thank you Dr. Aziz!

4 people found this helpful

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  • Sejal
  • 04-04-18

Long and self indulgent

This audiobook is made excessively long (18hrs) by the authors autobiographical style of recounting many stories of his own life when explaining a point.
I found it hard to keep going with it as it just seemed never ending without going anywhere. Not for me.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Ann
  • 21-05-20

Not Nice

excellent book, read, repeat and practice. again and again and again.
refresh your doubts and be kind to yourself.

3 people found this helpful

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  • JM
  • 05-08-19

Thoughtful and well read

This is much more practicle than other books I've read in this area. Plus Aziz is genuine and every now and then laugh-out-loud funny. I'll be reading other works of his for sure.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Bex
  • 11-02-19

Super practical

Great examples for practical application and raising awareness of when you're being 'too nice'
The hard copy is beneficial to have to ensure you can do the exercises and reflect back on achievements.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Josh
  • 01-05-18

Best Self Help to grow your confidence

If your looking for quick book to read and then at the end of the book wham! your a self confident person and motivated person. This book is definately NOT for you as your probably never going to get anywhere anyway. This is an eye opening book to realise the pitfalls of being nice and the steps to make a change.Ive found this book tremendously helpful inspite of the long read.But everything is so important and needed to help you understand why you try to be nice and why it isnt good. If your looking for a quick read motivationaal book ,skip this one but if you need to make a change and get more confident this is the book !! Reading through this book is as painful (because of the truth behing the nice person mask) as making the painful change but well worth it.

2 people found this helpful

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  • nikkipantss
  • 03-05-19

great book

great self help book very helpful, lots of great real life examples and the narrating was great

2 people found this helpful

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  • Jon
  • 09-02-22

So good it made me buy the physical book

Dr Aziz is truly unique - he is so humble and endearing and such a supportive and warm voice for those looking to break out of the cage in their own minds. Highly recommended! 5 stars

1 person found this helpful

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  • Nadeem
  • 06-02-21

life Changing Material

it's 18hrs long and every minute of it is engaging. life changing listening experience. I am so glad I listened to it and looking forward to applying the learnings. Thanks Dr Aziz, I have become a big fan of yours.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 22-07-20

The most valuable book I have ever read.

I cannot recommend this book enough, it will change your life.

Aziz has done an amazing job.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 22-10-21

Repetitive, long, cringe

At first I couldnt believe this book was 14hours when most of the audiobooks Ive listened to have been under 6 hours at least. I came across this after listening to How to do the work which referred to this book.

My main grievance is that despite being a trained psychologist, Aziz provides evidence based on anecdotes and personal experience. There is no clinical research.

You will hear Aziz waffle on about his family- and have self indulgent praise for his goal of turning everyone into not nice people. I think the fact he read the book himself says alot. I have a problem with this as Ive found the candid tone annoying and childish. Other books ive listened to are far more enjoyable as they are professionally read and I dont have to be distracted by an author imitating an Australian accent (seriously, why?)

The self promotion of his other material is too much throughout. I checked out the website and saw ‘confidence university’, which just reminded me of snake oil ayahuasca sipping pick up artists. You have 14 hours and you still cant fit enough in?


When I heard the word NLP, my eyes rolled. Its an embarrassing book. Hopefully there are others that actually tackle issues of boundaries properly.

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  • Salman
  • 10-09-21

Another magnificent book by Dr. Aziz

Deep and insightful content that people can relate to. Very well suited for audio by there author himself.