NOTE! Video available on YouTube. In this episode, I sit down with marriage coach and former therapist Lee Baucom to talk about what really causes marriages to break down—and how to prevent it.

Lee explains that most couples unknowingly “hit the pause button” after committing, turning their focus to life demands and building habits of disconnection. We unpack the three levels of connection—physical, emotional, and spiritual—and why love alone doesn’t sustain a marriage without ongoing attention.

We also explore complacency, resentment, and what one partner can do when the other isn’t motivated, including inviting connection rather than chasing it. Finally, we discuss expectations, values-based responding, self-regulation during conflict, and shifting from competition to a team mindset, plus where to find Lee’s Save The Marriage and Unpause Your Marriage resources.

Un-Pause App: http://UnPauseYourMarriage.com

Save The Marriage System: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/system

My books: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/books

00:00 Lee Baucom

00:11 Introduction

01:10 Lee's Background & Origin Story

03:24 Why Marriages Fail: The Pause Button

11:48 The Three Levels of Connection

19:10 Rebuilding Connection: One Person Can Start

27:13 Attachment Theory & Personal Healing

28:07 Expectations & The Root of Frustration

32:49 Marriage as a Team

35:44 Self-Regulation & Responding from Values

45:21 Conflict That Serves the Relationship

47:13 Discovering Your Values

52:28 Wrap-Up & Resources

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In this episode, I’m joined by Lorina Manzanita, a somatic intimacy coach and trauma resolution practitioner, to explore how attachment patterns and developmental trauma get encoded in the body and shape our relationships.

We talk about why empaths often self-abandon, people-please, and ignore their own needs, and how mindfulness and somatic awareness can build agency, boundaries, and healthier intimacy.

Lorina explains implicit memory in the first 18 months of life, the balance of connection and differentiation in secure attachment, and why attachment can differ with each parent. We unpack intermittent positive reinforcement (“pigeon brain”) and why inconsistent love becomes addictive, plus how breakups can feel like death yet lead to liberation when supported by self-compassion, community, and resourcing.

We also discuss eros as a life force, pleasure, and the power of gratitude and asking directly for what you need.

Website: www.LorinaManzanita.com

Nourished: The Neuroscience of Receiving Beautifully www.integratingeros.com/nourished-mini-course

00:00 Meet Lorina

02:00 Wounded Healer Origin

05:03 Somatic Intimacy Basics

07:39 Mindset Versus Body

10:03 Secure Attachment Foundations

12:13 Different Parents Different Styles

17:20 Pigeon Brain Love Pattern

22:57 Building Real Security

26:52 Breaking the Trauma Bond

30:26 Grief Feels Like Dying

31:21 Seven Attempts to Leave

33:10 Finding Real Safety

35:02 Triggers and Resilience

36:54 Surrender and Worthiness

38:51 Rewiring Limiting Beliefs

39:59 Asking Men Directly

40:45 Mending the Dad Bond

44:39 Eros Life Force Energy

46:37 Nature as Resourcing

48:05 Gratitude and God

49:54 Course Plug and Farewell

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In this episode, I talk with Dr. Wendy O’Connor, a licensed psychologist of 18 years who shifted from clinical practice to coaching after burning out while running private practices and raising three daughters under 3.

We discuss how high-achieving women can do “all the right things” yet still feel unfulfilled, and why she began focusing on helping women thrive through positive psychology. Wendy explains why women overcommit and say yes to gain approval, belonging, and safety, often leading to self-abandonment, resentment, and anxiety.

We cover practical ways to reconnect with yourself, including doing a time audit, tuning into body cues, aligning choices with values, and building resilience and self-trust by taking uncomfortable steps. We also explore how depression and anxiety relate to past and future focus, and we plan a future conversation about Alison Armstrong’s books.

Wendy's website:

https://www.drwendyoconnor.com/home

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