NOTE! Video available on YouTube. In this episode, I sit down with marriage coach and former therapist Lee Baucom to talk about what really causes marriages to break down—and how to prevent it.

Lee explains that most couples unknowingly “hit the pause button” after committing, turning their focus to life demands and building habits of disconnection. We unpack the three levels of connection—physical, emotional, and spiritual—and why love alone doesn’t sustain a marriage without ongoing attention.

We also explore complacency, resentment, and what one partner can do when the other isn’t motivated, including inviting connection rather than chasing it. Finally, we discuss expectations, values-based responding, self-regulation during conflict, and shifting from competition to a team mindset, plus where to find Lee’s Save The Marriage and Unpause Your Marriage resources.

Un-Pause App: http://UnPauseYourMarriage.com

Save The Marriage System: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/system

My books: http://SaveTheMarriage.com/books

00:00 Lee Baucom

00:11 Introduction

01:10 Lee's Background & Origin Story

03:24 Why Marriages Fail: The Pause Button

11:48 The Three Levels of Connection

19:10 Rebuilding Connection: One Person Can Start

27:13 Attachment Theory & Personal Healing

28:07 Expectations & The Root of Frustration

32:49 Marriage as a Team

35:44 Self-Regulation & Responding from Values

45:21 Conflict That Serves the Relationship

47:13 Discovering Your Values

52:28 Wrap-Up & Resources

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In this episode, I’m joined by Lorina Manzanita, a somatic intimacy coach and trauma resolution practitioner, to explore how attachment patterns and developmental trauma get encoded in the body and shape our relationships.

We talk about why empaths often self-abandon, people-please, and ignore their own needs, and how mindfulness and somatic awareness can build agency, boundaries, and healthier intimacy.

Lorina explains implicit memory in the first 18 months of life, the balance of connection and differentiation in secure attachment, and why attachment can differ with each parent. We unpack intermittent positive reinforcement (“pigeon brain”) and why inconsistent love becomes addictive, plus how breakups can feel like death yet lead to liberation when supported by self-compassion, community, and resourcing.

We also discuss eros as a life force, pleasure, and the power of gratitude and asking directly for what you need.

Website: www.LorinaManzanita.com

Nourished: The Neuroscience of Receiving Beautifully www.integratingeros.com/nourished-mini-course

00:00 Meet Lorina

02:00 Wounded Healer Origin

05:03 Somatic Intimacy Basics

07:39 Mindset Versus Body

10:03 Secure Attachment Foundations

12:13 Different Parents Different Styles

17:20 Pigeon Brain Love Pattern

22:57 Building Real Security

26:52 Breaking the Trauma Bond

30:26 Grief Feels Like Dying

31:21 Seven Attempts to Leave

33:10 Finding Real Safety

35:02 Triggers and Resilience

36:54 Surrender and Worthiness

38:51 Rewiring Limiting Beliefs

39:59 Asking Men Directly

40:45 Mending the Dad Bond

44:39 Eros Life Force Energy

46:37 Nature as Resourcing

48:05 Gratitude and God

49:54 Course Plug and Farewell

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In this episode, I talk with Dr. Wendy O’Connor, a licensed psychologist of 18 years who shifted from clinical practice to coaching after burning out while running private practices and raising three daughters under 3.

We discuss how high-achieving women can do “all the right things” yet still feel unfulfilled, and why she began focusing on helping women thrive through positive psychology. Wendy explains why women overcommit and say yes to gain approval, belonging, and safety, often leading to self-abandonment, resentment, and anxiety.

We cover practical ways to reconnect with yourself, including doing a time audit, tuning into body cues, aligning choices with values, and building resilience and self-trust by taking uncomfortable steps. We also explore how depression and anxiety relate to past and future focus, and we plan a future conversation about Alison Armstrong’s books.

Wendy's website:

https://www.drwendyoconnor.com/home

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In this podcast episode, I talk with Jacquie Elliot—certified life, relationship, and spiritual coach, retreat leader, and author of The Silent Bully—about the “abusive brain chatter” that drove her. Jacquie shares how childhood trauma, including witnessing her mother’s suicide attempt and later sexual abuse, shaped core beliefs and anxious attachment, and how she used her ABC method (Awareness, Believe, Challenge) to become aware of self-bullying, build a spiritual center, and challenge limiting beliefs. We discuss tools like journaling, voice dialogue, identifying emotional abuse patterns, handling fear and criticism while posting online, dating with criteria instead of “pick me” attachment, and reframing body image as an “earth suit.”

Find Jacquie here: https://jacquieelliottclc.com/about/

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In this episode, I sit down with relationship coach Mike Elliott, who shares how being separated from his biological mother at birth and then being adopted twice shaped his early life. This led him into drugs, dealing, and dangerous criminal dynamics, and later fueled unhealthy relationship patterns even while he appeared to be living the “American Dream.”

He describes a breaking point when his wife left on Valentine’s Day, triggering a visceral realization that he was reliving his earliest abandonment wound, and how that moment pushed him to seek deep coaching, emotional integration, and a new way of relating.

We also dive into Alison Armstrong’s work - especially Understanding the Development of Men, and how these ideas changed my own relationships, including my relationship with my father.

Email @ transform@itsmikeelliott.com

IG @mikeelliott.relating

Website@ itsmikeelliott.com

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In this episode, I sit down with Agi, a Greek-born podcaster living in the UK, who trained and practiced as a dentist before pivoting into personal development and creating the Personal Development Mastery podcast, now in the top 1% of podcasts.

Agi shares how a loss of passion after completing a master’s in aesthetic dentistry triggered his search for answers, why personal development is an ongoing journey rather than a destination, and how fear often protects us but can block fulfillment.

We talk about staying curious, exploring without burning the boats, and using faith and perseverance—illustrated by the Chinese bamboo tree story—to keep going when results aren’t visible.

Agi's Website: https://personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com/

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NOTE!! I Recommend watching the YouTube version of this episode: https://youtu.be/pAoBsUxkpmY

In my first on-camera solo episode, I do a casual “glow up” while reflecting on how my life has changed since moving back to Norway over six months ago after burnout and leaving the US due to health and a work-visa job situation.

I share how slowing down, living with my parents and family, and prioritizing time with my nieces and grandparents has grounded me, even through uncertainty like long-distance with my boyfriend and months of job searching until a March offer for a well-paid part-time role that leaves space for my podcast and my book, I’m Secure.

I talk about healing my relationship with my dad by communicating needs clearly and practicing gratitude, inspired by Alison Armstrong’s book The Keys to the Kingdom. I also touch on faith, peace, creativity, and choosing daily presence over hustling.

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In this podcast episode, I talk with Donna Pope, adoptive mother of three adults and founder of Heart to Heart Adoptions, an adoption agency she started in 1998 after careers in teaching and medical research, and has run for about 30 years, completing 70–100 adoptions a year. Donna explains key attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful) and how attachment develops through early caregiver connection.

Donna describes challenges adoptees face, the importance of honesty and openness, avoiding a “tug of war” between families, and shares stories from her sons’ experiences, including questions about birth family and reunion. She also mentions an upcoming platform, “Adoptions, Community and Connections,” to connect people across the adoption community through Heart to Heart Adoptions.

Find more information: https://hearttoheartadopt.com/about-us/

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