Sometimes it’s important not to get your eight. Kate arrives after a night of caviar and champagne while Jacqueline considers the terror of washing the brain. Eye crust, ants at the headboard, and the risks of Googling before consulting The Tribunal. Lamb-free oats and the inbox pummeling continues. The fly swatter slices through the air, and nary a wind is felt. Kate reports from first class, where basic human dignity is a nod. Jacqueline examines the feminine and the injury. Trying not to reaggravate a shoulder thing that doesn’t exist. Smiling below the mask. Give me a carrot.

Dreaming is the work. This week, the hags continue to consult the great texts and channel the true thinkers. Confronting the arrogant belief that you have knowledge of your own subconscious. Bookmarks and highlights. Kate needs a Jungian therapist and Jacqueline is willing to suspend her disbelief. Where’s my Objection Book? Googling ‘self-reliance’ and hunger for the quotes. And we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another! You make a decision and then you make it the right one.

Someone’s in a workshop right now to get over knowing you. This week, the hags consult the great texts and channel the true thinkers. Kate joins Jacqueline’s Caroline Myss reading club. Souvenir Tiger. Jacqueline receives a Pema Chödrön reading from Kate. The white knuckle grip and cheating ourselves out of the present moment. Blood blooms and a silent podcast. Eat Pray Love is an important text, but have the conversation. The ego loves to seek, but never to find!

Honk if you don’t exist! In this week’s remix, the hags wade into the world of bodyworkers, energy healers, reiki masters and blocked chakras. Jacqueline experiences KY Jelly hands, while Kate writhes dramatically in the backroom. The high cost of a flea market psychic and looking for god in all the wrong places. Learning the shamanic techniques. Can I enter your energy field? Cutting the chord, slime, and putting water on the plate. No tool is inherently good or bad — but Zoom healing is the highest form.

A misread covid test, a night of wild dancing and a trip to the foot doctor. In this week’s remix, the hags are waiting, writhing and ready to see the doctor. The endless pursuit of appointments and referrals, the power of self-diagnosis and medical anxiety. Kate’s nine months of pain and six months to live. See, it hurts! Jacqueline’s theory about injuring the body to heal it. A mother with neck tension, a mental metaphor of the body and a house you can’t see. The relief of snipping the muscle string — it better be deep tissue. A sucker for a certificate on the wall and a fear of recovery. Do you know what the appendix is?

Do you believe in jinx? Anger on the walk, a toilet in the shot, and the insanity of The Birthday. Jacqueline is constantly outrunning the future, while Kate is put at ease by planning it. Witnessing the spider make a big catch — did you know they can leave the web? Screaming at the man in the Zoom background and screaming the c-word out of the cab. Jacqueline wants to try living on New York time in LA, while Kate locates a believable impression of the Birthday girl. The supremacy of secondary media and why horror matters. Three days back on the stimulant: boxing and aerial silks are on the table. Unpacking the era of the post-facelift personal essay and reading a prayer aloud. Neighborhood eccentrics and social media recovery. Dinner tonight.

In this week’s remix, the hags are bitching about sleep. Jacqueline’s up at 6am and Kate is sleeping through Morning Poog. Napping and pushing up against the wall. The storied sleep attacks of the ad agency era and the dream of a specialist telling you you’re special. Salma Hayek and the ‘wrong side’ of the bed. The time Jacqueline sleep talked at Kate. Going lucid and the dream of astral projection.

Emails were drafted, calls were made, and a law office was opened. This week the hags bring you their second installment of grievances, injustices and scams: A woman’s right to steal at Sephora, paranoia when Mark from Bank of America calls, and a stolen uber at LAX will not go unpunished. There’s soot everywhere, and Kate is feeling furious, wronged and abused. Welcome back to the Law Offices of Berlant and Novak.