What if the prayer that could change your marriage isn't "Lord, help my spouse change," but "Lord, make me more like You"?

We pray for better communication, less conflict, more connection, and greater understanding in marriage. And those are all good things to pray for!

But how often do we ask God to change our hearts in the process?

In this episode of Expedition Marriage, we're exploring the difference between two powerful kinds of prayers: "Help me" and "Make me."

One invites God's help in our circumstances. The other invites His transforming work in our lives.

And here's the important part: We need both.

We're talking about:

• Why asking God for help is biblical and necessary
• How self-reliance can sneak into our prayer lives
• The difference between wanting relief and wanting transformation
• What it means to pray bold, Scripture-based prayers
• How to stop focusing only on your spouse's shortcomings
• Why spiritual growth can change the dynamics of your marriage
• How to pray for your spouse with the right heart
• Why surrender, patience, and humility matter in marriage

We're also sharing some honest reflections from our own lives and exploring what Scripture says about becoming more like Christ.

Because the goal isn't simply to have an easier marriage.

It's to become two people who increasingly reflect Jesus in the way they love one another.

FREE DOWNLOAD: Help Me and Make Me — Prayers for Your Marriage

Get our Scripture-based, seven-day prayer guide, complete with practical prayers and couples discussion questions.

https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-200-help-me-or-make-me-a-prayer-that-could-change-your-marriage

00:00 Marriage Needs Transformation

00:37 Make Me vs Help Me

02:12 Heart Motives in Prayer

04:50 Self Reliance and Control

08:29 Marriage Prayers and Gods Will

13:48 Help Me Dependence vs Make Me Surrender

16:13 Bold Prayers and Sanctification

19:42 Waiting and Heart Posture

21:11 Not Magic Words

22:12 Real Prayer Heart

22:47 Better Spouse Prayers

24:10 Praying For Spouse

25:55 Check Your Because

26:35 Connection And Intentionality

28:10 Growth Changes Dynamics

33:23 Scripture And Transformation

36:15 Mission Field Marriage

40:46 Relief Versus Surrender

42:30 Closing Prayer And Download

What are you actually building your marriage on?

Marriage advice? Therapy? Instagram reels? A favorite podcast? What feels right?

Those things may offer helpful tools, but as Christian couples, none of them were ever meant to replace God's Word.

In this episode of Expedition Marriage, we're talking about biblical illiteracy and the impact it's having on Christian marriages.

And we're not just talking about reading more Bible verses.

We're talking about knowing Scripture well enough to recognize truth, understand context, identify when the Bible is being misused, and—most importantly—allow God's Word to transform how we live and love our spouse.

We're getting into:

• The biblical illiteracy problem among Christians
• Why information without transformation isn't enough
• Scripture being taken out of context
• Weaponizing verses about submission and forgiveness
• Why you shouldn't simply believe everything a pastor, counselor, podcaster, or Instagram account tells you
• "Life coach Jesus" and our desire to only hear what makes us feel good
• Why couples need to study Scripture for themselves
• How to start reading the Bible together when you don't know where to begin

You don't need a seminary degree.

You don't need to understand Greek.

You don't even need an elaborate Bible study plan.

You just need to start.

Because storms eventually come to every marriage.

The question isn't whether they'll come.

It's whether your marriage has been built on something strong enough to stand when they do.

00:00 Myths and Illiteracy

00:59 Marriage Without Purpose

02:53 Bible Reading Decline

04:21 No Shame Just Conviction

05:50 Basic Bible Knowledge Gaps

08:47 Teens and Cultural Lies

10:44 Bad Theology in the Pew

12:06 Bible Habits and Divorce

13:38 Handling Scripture Rightly

18:01 Cherry Picking and Deconstruction

22:49 Scripture Over Leaders

23:25 Damage From Misuse

24:09 Study Beyond Sundays

25:35 Famine Of The Word

26:32 Weaponized Marriage Verses

27:28 Forgiveness Misapplied

30:32 Pop Psychology Vs Truth

33:50 Tickling Ears Warning

36:46 Lamp For Daily Steps

39:48 How To Start Reading

41:43 Church And Resources

45:33 Rock Foundation Wrap-Up

• Bible reading among U.S. adults hit a 15-year low in 2024. Only 30% of adults were reading Scripture weekly. Among self-identified Christians that number was just a little better.
• 60% of Americans cannot name five of the Ten Commandments.
• 82% of Americans believe the phrase "God helps those who help themselves" is in the Bible. Born-again Christians did better — by one percent.
• Only 12% of U.S. adults can name all four Gospels.
• 71% of Christian teens cannot distinguish biblical truth from cultural lies.
• The 2025 Ligonier State of Theology survey — among self-identified evangelicals — found that 47% agreed that God accepts the worship of all religions. 28% said Jesus was a great teacher but not God.
• Couples who regularly read the Bible, attend church consistently, and live as devoted followers of Christ are 35% less likely to divorce than the general population.
• Nominal Christians — those who claim the faith but don't engage the Word — are 20% more likely to divorcethan the general population.

What if some of the things you believe about marriage are actually making marriage harder?

We're joined by Julie Baumgardner, founder of Marriage on the Daily (https://marriageonthedaily.com), to bust some of the most common marriage myths—especially the ones that can trip couples up during the first 10 years.

We're talking about beliefs like:

• "The two become one, so we should basically become the same person."
• "If I married the right person, we wouldn't have this much conflict."
• "Never go to bed angry means we have to resolve this tonight."
• "If you really loved me, you'd know what I need."
• "Once we have kids, they should become the center of everything."

Julie brings nearly four decades of experience working with couples and families, along with 37 years of marriage, to help us separate healthy expectations from the ones that often create frustration and disconnection.

You'll hear why your differences aren't necessarily a problem, why conflict can actually increase intimacy when handled well, how to get underneath anger to the real issue, and why protecting your marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.

And perhaps one of the best reminders from the entire conversation:

Different isn't deficient. Different is just different.

If marriage has felt harder than you thought it would, this conversation will help you rethink what "healthy marriage" actually looks like—and give you practical ways to move forward together.