You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script?

Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold from Relationship Alchemy.

1. They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath them
2. They'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacy
3. And they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates to refresh your relationship

Triggers Identified, Demystified, and Disarmed

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, "Why is this bothering me so much?" Penny has 40 years of clinical work to help you identify and disarm the triggers that are currently adding drama to your relationship.

Triggers can stop you from receiving the love your partner wants to give you. So, Penny will also help you calm your system down so that you can actually truly receive the appreciation and love your partner is offering.

Michael has an enormous rabbinical history in storytelling and meaning-making.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Take Penny and Michael’s customizable 10-Minute date quiz and create a simple ritual of connection together. Even a few intentional minutes can strengthen intimacy and help you reconnect.

Connect with Michael and Penny Gold

Michael is an ordained rabbi, ceremonialist, and transformational guide with decades of pastoral experience working with couples and families. Penny is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, attachment, and relational healing. Together they lead sacred ceremonies, couples retreats, and medicine journeys guided by the methodology that transformed their own marriage. You can visit their website to learn more and take the 10-minute date quiz.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

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Why is either/or thinking toxic for your relationship? Because it boxes out possibilities. Why is either/or thinking so tempting? Because it simplifies our complicated lives.

Today we’re noticing how toxic the unconscious but super seductive question “Either/Or” can be.

1. I’ll take you through 3 reasons your brain loves to default to either/or thinking and how to use 2 words to free your mind from the limitations that either/or thinking can impart.
2. Then I’ll offer you the magic words that will open your mind.
3. And not only will I share with you the far-reaching consequences of this paradigm shift, we’ll practice together so you can hear how shifting the question shifts your mindset.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

Practice changing sentence structures from either/or to both/and.

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to employ the word "because" to change either/or thinking into an invitation for you and your sweetheart to cultivate your happily ever after.

Want more?

• In this episode, I talk about how resistance is where suffering lives.
• I talk a lot about how changing the words you use when you talk to your partner can change your relationship. Discover the power of hello and how “yes-but” kills connection.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

Visit the show notes.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

One word can change the character of your relationship.

Don’t believe me? I invite you to notice how you say hello to your partner.

Does your hello say, “I’m glad to see you!” or is your hello flavored with the taste of goodbye?

I am always sending people to episode #8 of my podcast where I tell the story of how hello changed the course of my relationship with my husband. This week, I’m bringing the episode back from the archives.

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

To help you avoid a sandpapery hello, and to cultivate a tender goodbye with your partner, notice the character of your hello and goodbye.

Date Night Discussion

This week, ask your partner about their most memorable goodbye.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

Visit the show notes.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

What questions are you asking yourself on a regular basis?

Today, I’m inviting you to ask a better question, because if you do, you’ll magically live a better life.

1. We’ll talk about how questions—even those invisible questions you didn’t realize you were asking yourself—are shaping your experience of the world
2. I’ll give you a habit to help you wake yourself up to the questions you didn’t realize you were asking
3. And I’ll help you and your partner find the questions that will deepen your connection and your intimacy

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to rewrite your questions. We'll break it down into 3 specific steps.

1. Uncover the invisible questions you’re asking.
2. Notice the flavor of your question.
3. Rewrite your question to match the life of your dreams.

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to talk with your sweetheart about the questions you want driving your relationship.

Want more?

• Try this 60-second shakedown to calm the stress caused by your relationship hurdles

Links I Mention

• Basketball selective attention test
• Shell game selective attention test

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

Visit the show notes.

Buy my book.

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Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened?

Today I’m bringing you a snippet from my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.

1. You’ll hear why communication can get confusing
2. If you’re married to someone who’s typical answer to your idea is “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I’ll offer you some hope
3. And I’ll explain why negativity is often fear in disguise and how you can fix that negativity with just one word

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice the unconscious negative patterns you bring to your relationship.

Are you a person who says yes, but…?

This week notice each time you use the word “but” in a sentence after the word “yes.”

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to talk about the role of the word, “No,” in your relationship.

Hearing no on a regular basis can be demoralizing. These “no’s” make it tough to collaborate and they kill sexual chemistry.

• Are there occasions where your partner regularly says no to you?
• Do you feel free to say “no” to your partner?
• Where are the places in your relationship you want to feel free to say “no?”

Want more?

• Here’s an episode that will help you stop fear from polluting your relationship communication.
• While eliminating but from your relationship vocabulary will reduce lots of your conflict, you'll still probably disagree. And some of those disagreements will require a tender apology to repair your relationship. Here’s an episode where I lay out a formula for a really good apology.

Links I mention:

• Tina Fey says this “yes-but” answer will destroy the energy in a comedy scene

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

Visit the show notes.

Buy my book.

Listen to my book.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

Follow me on Tik Tok.

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.

Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.

That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.

You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.

This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:

• Celebrate
• “Good to notice”
• Tools and invitations
• The Takeaway

I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Three days ago, we concentrated on celebration. Two days ago, I told you about why it’s “good to notice." Yesterday, I shared some of the many tools that I offer my clients in our coaching sessions. In this episode, I’m talking about the final part of my framework: What's your takeaway?

Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:

Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Visit the show notes.

Buy my book.

Listen to my book.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

Follow me on Tik Tok.

Reach me at 970-210-4480

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.

Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.

That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.

You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.

This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:

• Celebrate
• “Good to notice”
• Tools and invitations
• The Takeaway

I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Two days ago, we concentrated on celebration. Yesterday, I told you about why it’s “good to notice." In this episode, I’m sharing some of the many tools that I offer my clients in our coaching sessions.

Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:

Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Visit the show notes.

Buy my book.

Listen to my book.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

Follow me on Tik Tok.

Reach me at 970-210-4480

When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.

Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.

That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.

You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.

This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:

• Celebrate
• “Good to notice”
• Tools and invitations
• The Takeaway

I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Yesterday, we concentrated on celebration. Today, I’ll tell you about why it’s “good to notice."

Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:

Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog

Visit the show notes.

Buy my book.

Listen to my book.

Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.

Follow me on Tik Tok.

Reach me at 970-210-4480