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How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation

How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation

Written by: Sarah Wright & Dr Victoria Stakelum
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 If you want to succeed in life, you have to master the art of conversation. From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations make our world go round. The thing is, most of us were never taught how to have them well. We all learned to talk as toddlers, but mastering conversation that's a different skill entirely, and let’s be honest, most of us are winging it. So if you’ve ever found yourself tongue-tied, lost for words, or dodging a difficult chat, this podcast is for you. Join two curious conversationalists, psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum and communications consultant Sarah Wright, as we explore how to have a bloody good conversation. It might just change your life. Economics Self-Help Social Sciences Success
Episodes
  • Clothing and Identity: What Are Our Clothes Saying About Us?

    Clothing and Identity: What Are Our Clothes Saying About Us?
    Nov 10 2026
    Clothing and Identity: What Are Our Clothes Saying About Us?Why do we wear what we wear and what do our clothes reveal about who we are?In this episode of How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum talk to semiotician and social psychologist Dr Rachel Lawes about the psychology of fashion, clothing and social class, and the unwritten dress codes that influence how others see us.From a wealthy Italian gentleman’s objection to a yellow or orange handbag to the debate over hoodies and trainers at job interviews, Rachel reveals how colour, style and taste communicate signals we may not even realise we’re sending. But there’s a deeper question, too: do we dress to express our identity, or do the clothes we wear and the rules we follow actually help shape who we become?In this episodeWe often think our clothes are simply a matter of personal taste. But, as Rachel explains, clothing is a powerful form of communication. Through semiotics — the study of signs and symbols — she explores how colours, fabrics, hairstyles and accessories convey meaning, from social status and sophistication to rebellion and belonging.Rachel explains why purple has long been associated with wealth and prestige, and how Halifax used a bold, almost psychedelic mix of colours to challenge traditional banking imagery. We explore how brands use colour to communicate with their audiences — and why people do something remarkably similar when choosing what to wear.The conversation takes a fascinating turn when Rachel recalls a wealthy Italian gentleman who insisted he would never allow his wife to carry a yellow or orange handbag during the day. His reaction opens up a discussion about clothing and social class, the difference between personal preference and socially defined “good taste”, and how unwritten rules can determine who belongs.We also discuss Rachel’s deliberately scruffy “nutty professor” image, Mark Zuckerberg’s grey T-shirt uniform and her former husband’s collection of deliberately hideous 1970s ties — a small act of rebellion against workplace dress codes.What about the workplace today? We debate whether Gen Z should be expected to abandon hoodies, jeans and trainers for job interviews, and why the right outfit depends on the role, the sector and the audience. Victoria reflects on how making an effort with clothes, even when working from home, can influence mood and wellbeing.We explore what charcoal, chocolate brown, burgundy and teal might communicate, why colour meanings change across cultures, and the pressure some people face to conform to workplace expectations. The discussion also examines racism, social exclusion and how adapting our appearance to fit in can influence our sense of identity.Ultimately, this is a conversation about much more than fashion. It’s about the social rules we absorb, the identities we express, and the ways our outer appearance can shape our inner sense of self.So, do we dress to impress or dress to express? Perhaps the answer depends on who we are, where we’re going, and who’s looking.Key takeawaysClothing is communication. What we wear sends signals about identity, status, taste and belonging, whether or not we intend it to.Taste is shaped by society. What counts as appropriate or sophisticated often reflects unwritten rules and social class.Clothes can shape who we become. Our appearance can influence our mood, behaviour and sense of self.Context matters. Dress codes and colour meanings vary across workplaces, cultures and social situations.Awareness creates choice. Understanding the rules can help us decide when to fit in and when to challenge convention.Timestamps00:00 – What is semiotics? How clothes communicate identity06:08 – Colour psychology: purple, prestige and Halifax’s bold branding12:34 – Clothing and social class: the unwritten rules of good taste24:48 – Self-expression and rebellion: from the “nutty professor” to hideous ties34:10 – Dress codes and social rules: can clothes change who we are?41:06 – What do colours say about you? Culture, identity and belongingContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please get in touch by email:abloodygoodconversation@gmail.comDr Victoria StakelumWebsite: www.thesuccesssmith.comDr Rachel Lawes, FMRSAuthor of Using Semiotics in Marketing and Using Semiotics in Retail.Using Semiotics in MarketingUsing Semiotics in RetailLawes Consulting LtdReferencesPrevious episode mentionedIf we're communicating before we say a word, do we dress to impress or express who we are? — Series 2, Episode 7.Find previous episodes on How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation.Listen and followListen on Apple PodcastsListen on SpotifyShop – Conversation WarmersLooking for a way to spark better conversations? Conversation Warmers are prompt mugs with a conversation starter on the front and a follow-up question on the back.Shop on ...
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    1 hr and 3 mins
  • How to Deal with a Bad Boss: 3 Difficult Bosses and What to Do About Them

    How to Deal with a Bad Boss: 3 Difficult Bosses and What to Do About Them
    Sep 29 2026
    How do you deal with a bad boss when they're volatile, anxious, controlling, micromanaging or constantly undermining you?

    In this episode of How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelam tackle the difficult workplace conversations many of us would rather avoid: what to do when your boss's behaviour is affecting your confidence, your team and your ability to do your job.

    They answer specific listener questions by exploring three common difficult-boss scenarios: the emotionally volatile boss who leaves everyone walking on eggshells; the fearful or anxious boss who becomes controlling and starts micromanaging; and the boss who subtly undermines you in meetings or questions your decisions.

    If you're wondering about the signs of a toxic boss, how to handle a micromanaging boss, or how to manage up when your boss is difficult, this episode offers practical ways to approach the situation.

    You'll hear how to:

    • Stop taking your boss's behaviour personally
    • Separate their emotional issues from your own
    • Have a difficult conversation with your boss
    • Give feedback without making assumptions about their intentions
    • Stick to facts rather than interpretations
    • Manage up and reduce micromanagement
    • Create systems that give an anxious boss reassurance without constant interruptions
    • Use 360-degree feedback to give a leader a clearer picture of their impact
    • Handle subtle workplace undermining and microaggressions
    • Respond rather than react when a difficult boss pushes your buttons
    • Consider handling a bad boss without going to HR
    • Know when you've tried enough and it's time to consider your options

    Contact

    Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

    References

    Previous episodes mentioned

    1. The Best Conversation Is the One You Have With Yourself – Series 2, Episode 4
    2. Why Good Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now (and what to do about it) – Series 2, Episode 1
    3. How to Negotiate Like a Hostage Negotiator – with Scott Walker - Series 1, Episode 10

    > You can find them here.

    > Apple podcast listeners can find us here.

    > Spotify listeners can go here.

    Looking for a neutral 360 feedback approach?

    Contact Victoria at www.thesuccesssmith.com

    SHOP - Conversation Warmers

    Conversation prompt mugs - a conversation starter on the front, a follow-up prompt on the back – https://www.etsy.com/shop/conversationwarmers

    Use codes BREWFORTWO and TEAFORTHREE for multibuy discounts.
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    1 hr and 9 mins
  • How To Talk To Your Pets (and other family members)

    How To Talk To Your Pets (and other family members)
    Aug 25 2026
    How To Talk To Your Pets (And Other Family Members)

    Doctor Dolittle dreamed of talking to animals and having them talk back. It was a fantastical notion. Except that some pet owners are already living it. Today!

    Pet owners, like Nina Leipold and her talking cat, Flounder.

    This very clever kitty uses over 120 words on a soundboard, has a favourite film she watches on repeat, a toy mouse with his own opinion button, and a bravery tutu she asks for before thunderstorms. She has also diagnosed her own illness, reminded her owner to pick up wine, and painted a picture. Oh, and there’s so much more, as you’ll hear.

    In this episode, we (that’s Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Nina, an animal behaviourist with 15 years of mammal training behind her, and occasionally Flounder, to explore what happens when you give a pet a way to communicate. Nina has enrolled Flounder in a university scientific study at UC San Diego, where researchers confirmed that Flounder processes words, not just body language. The episode covers how pet communication buttons work; the difference between receptive and expressive vocabulary in animals; why umbrella words are the key to managing a 120-button soundboard; what Flounder’s relationship with Mouse Toy reveals about play therapy in animals; and what happens to pet behaviour when you give them genuine agency.

    We also put to Nina the questions that a survey of 2,000 pet owners said they most desperately want answered: Are you happy? Do you like your life? Do you love me or is it just cupboard love? Do you understand every word I say? What's your favourite thing we do together? Are you secretly judging me? Are you jealous? And, especially for the cat owners like Victoria, are you plotting something? Nina's answers might surprise you.

    The lessons Nina has learned from teaching Flounder to talk turn out to apply just as much to human relationships as to animal ones. Which is why this episode is called How To Talk To Your Pets And Other Family Members.

    Guest

    Nina Leipold: animal behaviourist with 15 years of mammal training experience and owner of Flounder, a cat enrolled in a university scientific study into animal language and communication at UC San Diego.

    Nina runs a free mini course and a full course on teaching pets to communicate using buttons - floundercat.com/button-mini-course

    Instagram: @flounder_meatloaf - follow along to see Flounder progress. It really is mind-blowing.

    Contact

    Be part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

    References

    The university study

    • The study is run through UC San Diego (University of California, San Diego) and is currently focused on data collection from thousands of dogs and cats. It needs funding to continue, Nina mentions this in the episode. Visit https://cclab.ucsd.edu/donate/ to donate and https://cclab.ucsd.edu/pet-cognition-communication/ for more information about the study.

    Concepts mentioned in this episode

    • Receptive vocabulary - words an animal understands when they hear them
    • Expressive vocabulary - words an animal is able to communicate back
    • Umbrella words — a single word covering multiple related concepts to reduce button overload (e.g. ‘hug’ for anything Flounder wears)
    • Operant conditioning - the learning process Victoria references (Pavlov’s dog; reward-based behaviour training)
    • Play therapy - the framework Nina uses to understand Flounder’s relationship with Mouse Toy
    • Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) - the broader field of communication tools that pet buttons draw from, originally developed for humans
    SHOP - Conversation Warmers
    • Conversation prompt mugs - a conversation starter on the front, a follow-up prompt on the back – https://www.etsy.com/shop/conversationwarmers
    Show More Show Less
    1 hr and 27 mins
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