In this episode, Susan introduces the core idea behind Internal Family Systems and what it means for parenting: beneath our anxiety, anger, and overwhelm is a calm, confident "Wise Self" — the steady part of us that functions as the Captain of the ship for our kids. When our children act out, it's a protective part of us that takes over, not our true Self.

• Why our reactive outbursts ("I didn't mean to say that!") come from protective parts, not our Wise Self.
• How old wounds get reactivated by our kids' behavior, fueling out-of-proportion reactions.
• Why the real work of parenting isn't finding the perfect script, but learning to stay anchored to our calm, "captain of the ship" Self.

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In this episode, Susan explores what Internal Family Systems (IFS) calls "firefighter" parts — protective parts that flood in with fast, intense reactions like rage, trying to put out old emotional pain, often at a cost to the relationship. She explains why these reactions aren't really about your child's behavior, and why healing them doesn't require your child to change first — using a real coaching conversation as an illustration along the way.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• What a firefighter part is in IFS, and why intense, "zero to sixty" reactions are often this part protecting an old, tender wound — not a reflection of your character as a parent.
• How to recognize the moment a firefighter part has "hijacked" you, and why simply noticing it is the first and most powerful step.
• Why healing this pattern doesn't just improve your relationship with your child — it breaks a cycle that would otherwise pass down to the next generation.

Full episode transcript available here

In this conversation, Susan and Dr. Kristin Neff talks about the importance of cultivating both fierce and tender self-compassion, offering specific practices that parents can easily use when they're feeling overwhelmed, angry, or simply being hard on themselves. https://susanstiffelman.com/podcast-episode-kristin-neff/

In this episode, Susan talks with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, author of author of the new book, It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People, as well as the books Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist, and Don't You Know Who I Am? How To Stay Sane In An Era Of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility. Susan and Dr. Durvasula discuss difficulties, grief and legal challenges associated with co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic tendencies. https://susanstiffelman.com/podcast-episodes-ramani-durvasula/

Susan talks with Dr. Pressman about the five guiding principles for raising a good human: relationships, reflection, regulation, rules, and repair. They stress the importance of being a "good enough" parent, rather than striving for perfection, and emphasize that imperfection is a natural part of being human. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/aliza-pressman-podcast-episode

Resilience isn't a trait kids either have or don't — it's something they build through repeated experiences of feeling hard emotions and getting through them, with a present and steady parent by their side. In this episode, Susan Stiffelman, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, and Dr. Laura Markham explore why our instinct to fix our children's disappointment can actually work against us — and what to do instead.

• What "brain reps" are and why your child's meltdowns are actually opportunities in disguise
• Why the urge to fix your child's distress can communicate the opposite of what you intend
• Why emotion coaching — not problem solving — is the essential first step toward resilience

In this episode, Susan explores why we sometimes react in ways that don't match our intentions. Through the lens of Internal Family Systems, she encourages parents to view those moments as protective parts taking over—and reminds us that our steady, wise Self is never far away.

• How understanding your own parts helps you respond more calmly to your child's activated parts.

• Why intellectual understanding (attachment, neuroscience, regulation) isn't always enough in charged moments.

• A simple in-the-moment reframe that creates space for your steadier "captain" self to return.

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In this episode, Susan is joined by Lisa Spiegel, author of Internal Family Systems Therapy with Children, for a conversation about how understanding our "parts" can transform our parenting life. They explore what it means to be Self-led, why you're not your anger (and your child isn't either), and how helping kids understand their parts builds confidence, compassion, and emotional resilience.