Together, Toni and Alison explore attachment wounds, trauma, control, nervous-system responses, relationships, faith and what it actually looks like to become secure from the inside out.

Toni vulnerably shares about experiencing sexual abuse at 13 years old and how the lack of safety surrounding that experience shaped her relationship with control, men and her own body for years afterward.

Alison explains why the parts of us that become controlling, perfectionistic, avoidant, hyper-independent or people-pleasing are often not trying to hurt us.

They’re trying to protect us.

The strategies may no longer be helpful—but shame isn’t the answer.

Curiosity, compassion, healing and connection are.

They also unpack what attachment actually means and why experiences of love, safety and trust are often encoded in our bodies long before we have language for them.

But our childhood experiences are not the end of the story.

Alison introduces the concept of earned security—the reality that adults can learn secure attachment through healthy relationships, self-awareness, connection with God and experiences of rupture and repair.

Toni also shares a recent dating experience that revealed something deeply healing: trusting yourself might sometimes mean recognizing that you’re simply not ready yet.

And instead of shaming that reality, you can honor it.

The conversation even explores the relationship between play and safety—why being able to rest, laugh, dance or enjoy life without producing something may reveal that our bodies finally feel safe enough to let go.

If you have experienced betrayal, struggle to trust people, feel overly controlling, constantly work to feel safe, or wonder why your body reacts so strongly even when your mind knows you’re okay, this episode is for you.

Grab Dr. Alison Cook’s new book The Secure Soul through this link: https://link.amazon/B094oHUMJ

And if the Still Coloring Podcast has encouraged you, consider supporting Toni through the donation link in the show notes as she continues building the show while raising her kids as a single mom.

Watch the full episode on YouTube.com/@tonijcollier and share it with someone learning how to feel safe again.

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollier

Support the Still Coloring Podcast: https://square.link/u/u2FkAzC7?src=sheet

Shop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collier

Connect with Toni:
Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier
Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stillcoloringpod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoni
Newsletter: ToniJCollier.com/Newsletter
Website: ToniJCollier.com

Purchase Toni's newest book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://amzn.to/3BQqaBr
Purchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD
Purchase Toni’s first book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

This conversation is not just for married couples.

It’s for anyone navigating dating, friendship, family, parenting, betrayal, sisterhood or learning how to trust again.

Debra explains why healthy relationships aren’t something we simply find—they’re something we intentionally build.

Together, Toni and Debra unpack the four seasons relationships move through: spring, summer, fall and winter—and why recognizing the season you’re in can give you hope and practical direction instead of assuming that a difficult season means the relationship is doomed.

They also talk about:

How childhood wounds and family-of-origin patterns follow us into adult relationships.

Why some of us become “rescuers” who consistently give too much.

How relationships become mirrors that expose places in us that still need healing.

Why vulnerability cannot be demanded through criticism.

And the difference between communicating a need and pointing out somebody else’s deficit.

Debra gives one especially practical reminder:

Saying, “I feel like you don’t care about me” isn’t actually sharing a feeling—it’s making an accusation.

Instead, learning to identify and communicate the real need underneath our frustration can completely change the way another person receives us.

Toni also opens up about navigating betrayal in her former marriage and why living in a false reality kept her from confronting what was actually happening.

Finally, Debra speaks directly to anyone whose past pain is affecting present relationships.

Healing doesn’t require forgetting what happened.

It allows us to stop viewing every new relationship through the lens of the person who hurt us before.

Because:

The work of healing is hard—but living unhealed is harder.

Grab Debra’s new book Relationship Skills: The Four Seasons That Will Make or Break Your Love Life through this link: https://link.amazon/B07B54BoA

If Still Coloring has helped you, consider supporting Toni and the podcast through the donation link in the show notes as she continues building the show while raising her kids as a single mom.

Watch the full conversation at YouTube.com/@tonijcollier and send this episode to someone you want to build a healthier relationship with.

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollier

Support the Still Coloring Podcast: https://square.link/u/u2FkAzC7?src=sheet

Shop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collier

Connect with Toni:
Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier
Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stillcoloringpod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoni
Newsletter: ToniJCollier.com/Newsletter
Website: ToniJCollier.com

Purchase Toni's newest book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://amzn.to/3BQqaBr
Purchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD
Purchase Toni’s first book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

What does kindness look like when it actually costs you something?

On this solo episode of the Still Coloring Podcast, Toni dives into Luke 5:17–25 and the story of four friends who carried a paralyzed man to Jesus—and refused to let a crowded room stop them.

They believed.

They sacrificed.

They were determined.

And they had enough faith to carry somebody who may not have had enough strength to carry himself.

Toni unpacks what their story teaches us about sacrificial kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and becoming the kind of person God can trust with His people.

Because kindness isn’t just saying something nice.

Sometimes kindness costs your time.

Your strength.

Your money.

Your comfort.

Your pride.

And sometimes it means showing up for someone who can’t give you anything in return.

Toni also challenges us with a simple truth:

If you want good friends, you need to be one.

And Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 10 gives us the blueprint:

Give as freely as you have received.

The love you’ve received—give it.

The forgiveness you’ve received—give it.

The kindness Jesus has shown you—go give it away.

🌱 JOIN THE 21-DAY DO GOOD CHALLENGE

Still Coloring is partnering with Orchard, and hundreds of you have already downloaded the FREE Seeds by Orchard app.

Beginning November 1, Toni and the Still Coloring community are spending 21 days intentionally doing good—one simple act of kindness at a time.

Download the Seeds by Orchard app through the link in the show notes and join us.

And if the Still Coloring Podcast has encouraged you, consider supporting Toni through the donation link in the show notes as she continues building the podcast while raising her kids as a single mom.

Watch the full episode at YouTube.com/@tonijcollier and send it to the friend who has carried you through something you could not have carried alone.

Let’s plant some seeds. 🌱

Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollier

Support the Still Coloring Podcast: https://square.link/u/u2FkAzC7?src=sheet

Shop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collier

Connect with Toni:
Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier
Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stillcoloringpod
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoni
Newsletter: ToniJCollier.com/Newsletter
Website: ToniJCollier.com

Purchase Toni's newest book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://amzn.to/3BQqaBr
Purchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD
Purchase Toni’s first book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu