When your spouse is dysregulated, shut down, or lashing out in anger—what's really happening? And more importantly, what can YOU do about it?

In this episode, I break down:

✓ The biological difference between being technically safe and *feeling* safe

✓ Why your partner may not identify you as a safety cue (even if you're trying)

✓ The "Polyvagal Ladder"—how shutdown → anger → safety actually works

✓ Why fight activation coming out of shutdown is actually a GOOD sign

✓ The painful relationship cycle (and how to break it)

✓ 4 practical tips to shift relationship dynamics

KEY TAKEAWAY: If you want your relationship to change, it falls on YOU to show up differently. You can't control your partner's nervous system, but you can regulate yours—and that's powerful.

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS:

0:00 - Introduction: Understanding Dysregulation in Relationships

0:32 - Listener's Question: Navigating Marital Challenges

2:01 - The Concept of Safety in Relationships

7:31 - The Role of Fight Activation and Safety

11:03 - Breaking the Cycle: Self-Regulation and Boundaries

20:12 - Practical Tips for Changing Relationship Dynamics

26:45 - Conclusion: The Journey to Self-Regulation

👉 Resources from this episode:

"Self-Regulate to Co-regulate" episode - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1ZflmdCZyE

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Two years ago, I said AI couldn't replace therapists. I was wrong—about the technology, anyway. In late 2025, AI can now see you, hear your voice, and remember everything you say. But just because it can doesn't mean it should. In this episode, I'm exploring what's actually possible, who AI might actually help, and the uncomfortable questions we're not asking yet. This one might upset you. Good.

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Have you ever wished for a daily guide on your nervous system regulation journey? One that offers structure without being overwhelming, and personalized support without the need for intensive coaching?

In this special announcement episode, Justin introduces a project he's been working on for months: the Self-Regulation Coach. Discover the "middle path" to getting unstuck—a tool designed for those who thrive with daily structure, gentle nudges, and expert guidance right in their pocket.

Learn how this AI-powered app creates a personalized, step-by-step roadmap tailored to your nervous system. With bite-sized daily lessons, exclusive micro-mindfulness practices, and instant, compassionate feedback from your AI coach, you can build sustainable change at your own pace.

If you're ready to move from feeling stuck to building a life of calm, confidence, and connection, this episode is your starting point.

Start your personalized journey with the Self-Regulation Coach today: studio.com/justin/self-regulation-coach

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)