In this episode of The Fire You Carry, Nole and Kevin dive deep into a subtle but damaging trap of fatherhood and marriage: the default phrase, "we'll see."

Why is it that men can be incredibly decisive, clear, and direct on the fireground, but the moment they walk through the front door, they turn into passive politicians? The guys break down why "we'll see" isn't actually a gentle answer; it's a "soft-ass no" that breeds anxiety in our kids and leaves an unfair mental load on our wives.

Before hitting the core topic, Kevin shares an update on his daughters braving massive 8-foot ocean swells at Junior Lifeguards, and celebrates Captain Josh Nessa completely dominating a massive police and fire powerlifting competition at age 44. Plus, the guys share practical communication hacks like the firehouse 4-3-2-1 elimination method to help you stop stalling, take the lead, and let your yes be yes.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

What happens when a lifetime spent fighting fires turns into a fight for your own survival?

In this incredibly raw and moving episode of The Fire You Carry, Kevin and Nole sit down with recently retired LA County Fire Captain Fred Barbosa. Over a 31-year career, Fred saw the landscape of the fire service change dramatically, culminating in the ultimate milestone of pinning his own son at graduation. But shortly after, Fred faced an entirely different kind of test: a diagnosis of Stage 3 colon cancer.

Fred pulls no punches as he describes the physical grit and psychological warfare required to survive aggressive chemotherapy, radiation, and the "mind-numbing" pain of recovery. He shares how the structured discipline of Fireground Survival (FGS) training unexpectedly provided the exact mental framework he needed to endure the darkest nights of his treatment.

More than a survival story, this conversation is a masterclass in shifting from trauma to post-traumatic growth. Fred discusses the power of a simple text message from a brother, the vital role of faith, and why he is now dedicating his retirement to partnering with national organizations like Struggle Well and the Cancer Support Network to help walk other first responders home.

Whether you are on the job, supporting someone through a medical battle, or looking for blueprint on how to build an unbreakable mindset, Fred’s story is a profound reminder that "we do hard things."

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

Nole and Kevin dive straight into the "Summer Shred" mentality and debate whether fitness cycles should revolve around looking good at the beach or staying functional for real-world demands. Pulling back the curtain on the Fire Up Program, they address the common barriers from fitness intimidation to the faith factor that keep men from signing up. Whether it's drinking a gallon of milk a day to escape "victim weight" or finding the bravery to step into a tub of ice, this episode is a raw look at what it takes to break out of your comfort zone, duplicate success, and build a lasting brotherhood.

Key Discussion Points

• The Summer Shred vs. Peak Fitness: Why our bodies naturally want to "level up" in the spring and summer, and how Nole builds his seasonal training around the grueling physical demands of brush fire season.
• The GOMAD Protocol & "Victim Weight": Kevin shares an old-school powerlifting story from the fire station about the "Gallon of Milk a Day" regimen and the distinct difference between aesthetic show muscle and true functional strength.
• Dismantling the Fire Up Fear Factor: Addressing the top anxieties that hold men back from attending a retreat—including fear of a "boot camp" physical beatdown, hesitation around faith-based discussions, and the psychological weight of the unknown.
• The Ice Bath Epiphany: Why the most universally dreaded challenge of the weekend consistently transforms into a massive psychological victory and a favorite takeaway for first-timers.
• Stop Reinventing the Wheel: The power of duplicating success by surrounding yourself with a tribe of men who are already winning in their marriage, their fitness, and their faith.
• Looking Forward: A look ahead to the upcoming October session and the 25th Anniversary 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb family event.

Links & Resources Mentioned

• Prep and Defend: Chris Ruano’s periodization training program.
• The Fire Up Program: Information, scholarship requests, and sign-ups for the upcoming retreat (October 2–4).
• 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb: Keep an ear out for upcoming details on the 25th-anniversary family memorial event.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

With Kevin out this week, Nole takes the mic for a raw, honest solo session recorded straight from his backyard storage shed studio. After a brief two-week hiatus to run the latest Fire Up Program, Nole is back to unpack a concept that keeps recurring in his mind during recent conversations with family, friends, and the guys around the fire station kitchen table.

We live in an information age overflowing with hot takes, political debates, and shifting "facts." But how much of what we strongly believe is actually based on our own firsthand, lived experience, and how much are we taking purely on faith? Using a harmless hypothetical scenario, Nole breaks down how we decide which voices to trust, the vital role of seeking divine discernment, and how to apply the "Sphere of Influence" framework to protect your time, energy, and family.

If you've ever struggled with when to speak up, when to let a debate go, or how to tell your kids, "I don't know, let's figure it out together," this solo episode offers a grounded perspective on navigating a noisy world.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

What happens when you do exactly what you were trained to do, but the outcome turns tragic, and you are the one who pays the price?

In this powerful episode of The Fire You Carry, Nole and Kevin sit down with Kwesi Millington, a former member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP). Kwesi opens up about a fateful night at the Vancouver Airport in 2007 that ended in a tragic suspect death due to excited delirium. Despite being cleared of any operational wrongdoing by multiple forces, the fallout and a grueling public inquiry years later led to a shocking perjury conviction over minor memory inconsistencies. Kwesi went from wearing the iconic Red Serge to sitting in a maximum-security prison cell.

Kwesi shares his raw, unfiltered journey through moral injury, deep depression, and severe PTSD. He reveals the exact turning point where he chose to stop looking at what broke him and start focusing on how he could serve others. From tutoring fellow inmates to becoming an international keynote speaker on resilience, Kwesi’s story is a masterclass in his mother’s golden rule: “It’s not your reality that matters, it’s your response.”

Whether you are a first responder fighting burnout, someone wrestling with a lost identity, or just trying to navigate a dark season, this episode provides actionable strategies to build an unbreakable mindset.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

Learn more about Kwesi.

https://kwesimillington.com/

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

In this deeply personal solo episode, Nole explores the complex social dilemma that arises from a simple, ubiquitous question: "Do you have kids?" Drawing inspiration from the book Hope is the First Dose by Dr. W. Lee Warren, Nole discusses the internal tug-of-war between social convenience and honoring the memory of his two sons, Asher and Paxton. He breaks down how he navigates these conversations in different circles, from the firehouse to new friendships, and offers a practical "Tactical Pause" framework for listeners on both sides of a heavy conversation.

Key Discussion Points

• The Three-Question Trap: How standard small talk (How long on the job? Where have you worked? Are you married?) often leads to a "conversational grenade" when the topic of children arises for a grieving parent.
• The Honesty Dilemma: The struggle between giving the "easy" answer (focusing only on living children) and the "honest" answer, which carries the weight of loss but honors the family’s full story.
• The Three Tiers of Connection:
  1. The Acquaintance/Stranger: Navigating interactions with people you may never see again.
  2. The Growing Friendship: Why it’s important to "stop the flow" and share the hard parts of your story early with those who will be in your life.
  3. The Professional Crew: The necessity of situational awareness and vulnerability within a high-stakes team like a fire engine company.
• Authenticity over Comfort: Nole reflects on a recent conviction to be more authentic in his beliefs and history, even if it creates a "tactical pause" or social awkwardness.

The "Tactical Pause" Framework

Nole provides advice for when you inadvertently ask a question that yields a heavy, unexpected response:

1. Take a Tactical Pause: Stop for a few beats. Recognize the weight of the information given.
2. Avoid Clichés: Phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "they’re in a better place" are often unhelpful in the moment of disclosure.
3. Ask for Permission: Instead of asking "What happened?" directly, try: "I'm so sorry, I didn't know. Would it be alright if I asked more about that, or are you okay talking about it?"
4. Be Brave Enough to Stay: Entering the "muddy waters" of someone’s grief can be a profound act of love and validation.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

Get signed up for the next trip with Hold the Line!

https://www.fireupprogram.org/hold-the-line

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

Guest: Captain David Hoy (Edmonton Fire Rescue Services)

How we handle the first 24 to 72 hours after a critical incident determines whether a call becomes a "memory" or a "trauma." In this episode, Nole and Kevin sit down with David Hoy, a 20-year fire captain and peer support specialist from the "Great White North" of Edmonton, Alberta.

Dave breaks down the "Gold Standard" of reintegration, a program that has led to a 75% reduction in long-term mental health claims, and shares the five physiological pillars every first responder needs to regulate their nervous system after a bad shift.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• The Reintegration Whiteboard: How Edmonton’s "Gold Standard" program uses a specific debriefing process to identify "hotspots" before they become injuries.
• The Bio-Chemistry of Trauma: Why stimulants (caffeine/nicotine) and depressants (alcohol) during the 72-hour "encoding window" can permanently scar the brain’s storage of an event.
• The Trauma Backpack: A powerful analogy for identifying which burdens are yours to carry and which boulders need to be left at the station.
• "Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty": Practical advice on interviewing clinicians while you’re healthy to ensure you have a "tactical" baseline for when things go south.
• Functional Disconnection vs. Reconnection: The biological necessity of shutting down emotions on a call, and the specific relational tools needed to turn them back on when you walk through your front door.
• Sub-Zero Firefighting: What it’s like to fight fire at -30 and how to prevent getting literally frozen to your equipment.

The 5 Pillars of Post-Call Regulation:

If you’ve had a "bad night," Dave recommends hitting these five marks within 72 hours to restore homeostasis:

1. Hydration: Flushing the "lactic acid of trauma" out of your system.
2. Nutrition: Avoiding the "sugar-crash" cycle.
3. Exercise: Utilizing cardiovascular work to process adrenaline.
4. Sleep: The essential phase for brain restoration and memory filing.
5. Physical Connection: Utilizing the release of oxytocin through intimacy to reset the nervous system.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

Get signed up for the next trip with Hold the Line!

https://www.fireupprogram.org/hold-the-line

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en

Becoming a "program guy" or a trusted member of a crew isn't just about your skill with a nozzle; it’s about how you handle the "game" of probation. This week, Nole and Kevin sit down with Taylor Morgan (Program Director for The Fire Up Program) to discuss the nuances of station culture that aren't taught in the academy. From the "laundry room dilemma" to handling the dreaded call to the Captain’s office, we explore how small actions build, or break, your reputation.

In this episode, we cover:

• Ownership over BS: Why "I don’t know, sir, but I’ll find out" is the most important sentence in a new firefighter's vocabulary.
• The "Peanut Butter Spoon" Test: How menial station tasks are actually indicators of your reliability on a fire scene.
• Social Intelligence: The dangers of oversharing and why your actions should always speak louder than your resume.
• The "7-Foot Captain" Story: A lesson in why you should always have a tool in your hand (and which ones you shouldn't try to borrow).
• Mentorship & The Fire Up Program: How Taylor uses the fire service model to help men grow in leadership and character.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz2RZThURTU&ab_channel=FacedownRecords

Get signed up for the next trip with Hold the Line!

https://www.fireupprogram.org/hold-the-line

The Fire You Carry on YouTube.

Sign up for a class at The Fire Up Program!
https://www.fireupprogram.com/programs

The Fire Up Progam video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I__ErPW46Ec&t=12s&ab_channel=FireUpProgram

The Fire You Carry Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/thefireyoucarry/

Donate to The Fire Up Program.
https://www.fireupprogram.com/donate

The Fire Up Program Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/fireup_program/

Kevin's Instagram.
https://www.instagram.com/kevinpwelsh/?hl=en