Am I in a Relationship with a Narcissist?
This is VERY important to understand…
It is very likely that you cannot see the narcissist for you who they really are, especially if you are in a romantic relationship with them. Let me tell you why.
The narcissist started manipulating you the day you met.
They want something from you. Could be any number of things like money, social status, clout, higher profile, someone more attractive, someone who gives them more admiration.
Then they figured out what you wanted and handed it to you on a silver platter to get what they want.
Perhaps the whole beginning of your relationship felt like a dream - it was very easy to fall in love, they were your fantasy partner, someone you’ve been looking for all your life. They made it easy. They wanted to be your “look no further” partner because…. They want something from you.
The narcissist may have pulled you away from everything and everyone you once knew that made sense to you - could be friends, family, job, where you live, your routines / way of life.
You may be feeling disconnected, like you’re in some kind of fog, like you don’t remember what used to be your reality.
They do this to maintain control - of you and the fantasy world they live in and brought you into.
These are all possibilities.
You didn’t know what was happening and
You are not to blame for not seeing it.
A narcissist is very very good at what they do.
Constant Attention & Admiration Required
The narcissist needs you to be their cheerleader - showering them with compliments & accolades ALL THE TIME
Your attention cannot be elsewhere - not on yourself, your friends, your family.
And they will manipulate you to get more of your attention, e.g.
The narcissist has a genius idea, project, whatever they can do better than anyone else (superiority over others often accompanied by lies about doing it in the past)
They share it with you.
You MUST respond positively - they are seeking your approval - it IS the greatest thing ever.
And if you don’t… You will get an Extreme Sensitivity to Criticism of any kind (even a tiny question about it)
It’s suddenly you’re against them, you’re too stupid to get it, you’re judging them AND there’s a reason why it failed - someone else is to blame, never the narcissist.
Nothing but the Best
The narcissist lives in their dysfunctional fantasy world of the best of everything.
And they want your support of this fantasy - financially, emotionally, mentally.
They will lash out or rationalize any attempt to dissuade them from living in their fantasy.
You may find yourself going along with it to avoid them becoming angry or dismissive.
“Don’t you want to look pretty?” (SETUP)
“I don’t want to spend $700” (Criticism)
“You don’t understand fashion.” (DISMISSED + ABUSE)
Everything is Them - Lack of Empathy
With all this attention on them, their dismissal of your opinion and feelings, you are experiencing their total lack of empathy.
They cannot and will not put themselves in someone else’s shoes. It’s not possible when everything is about them.
Someone else’s feelings and life are in the way of them getting the attention. So they bring it back to themselves. They become a victim of something so attention comes back.
The Next Victim
There is always room in the narcissist’s life for another victim.
In fact, they thrive on it - more people admiring them, giving them something they need.
Do not be surprised if you catch a narcissist cheating on you or disappearing.
They will always have their sights set on what they want/need and will quickly jump to another victim to get it.
I hope I brought you insights, food for thought, and most importantly - JOY!
Thank you for listening. I wish you much JOY.
1 hr and 6 mins
Mar 21 20228 mins
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