Einstein failed math. You've heard it, maybe even said it. Chris, Jessica and Gerald go looking for the report card, find the exam he really did fail, meet the friend whose lecture notes got him through, and see why we love the myth anyway. Plus the "insanity" quote he never said, and a Finnish speeding fine that cost one man 170,000 euros.

0:00 Cold open: which subject did Einstein fail?
0:48 Princeton, 1935
1:41 Age 12 and the homework
2:38 The exam he did fail
3:59 The 1896 report card
4:40 The scale theory
5:12 The twist: Grossmann
6:53 Why we love the myth
7:20 Bonus mess: the insanity quote
8:16 Rapid-fire mess
9:10 The Mess Report
9:53 Strange but Logical: Finland's day-fines

Sources
Einstein's reply to the Ripley's clipping: https://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1936731_1936743_1936758,00.html and https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/albert-einsteins-matriculation-certificate-1896/
Self-study at age 12: https://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1936731_1936743_1936758,00.html and https://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/12/albert-einstein-did-not-fail-at-mathematics-in-school/
The 1895 entrance exam: https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/was-albert-einstein-really-a-bad-student-who-failed-math/152sh8433 and https://history.aip.org/exhibits/einstein/early2_text.htm
The 1896 report card and the scale theory: https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/albert-einsteins-matriculation-certificate-1896/ and https://factmyth.com/factoids/einstein-was-a-poor-student/
Grossmann's lecture notes: https://history.aip.org/exhibits/einstein/early2_text.htm and https://arxiv.org/pdf/1312.4068
"Help me or I'll go crazy" and the 1913 paper: https://arxiv.org/pdf/1312.4068 and https://todayinsci.com/QuotationsCategories/G_Cat/Grossmann_Marcel-Quotations.htm
The insanity quote: https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/03/23/same/ and https://checkyourfact.com/2019/06/26/fact-check-albert-einstein-definition-instanity-same-thing-over-different-results/
We use only 10% of our brain: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/do-we-really-use-only-10/ and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten-percent-of-the-brain_myth
Newton's apple: https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/observations/whats-the-real-story-with-newton-and-the-apple-see-for-yourself and https://www.todayifoundout.com/?p=26910
Edison and the light bulb: https://zmescience.com/feature-post/who-invented-the-light-bulb-04233 and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Swan
Finland's 2004 fine: https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna4233383 and https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/motors/finn-gets-170-000-speeding-fine-1.1305617
Finland's 2023 fine: https://www.yahoo.com/news/finnish-businessman-handed-121-000-125636215.html and https://www.wionews.com/world/millionaire-fined-a-record-130000-for-speeding-in-finland-where-penalties-are-based-on-income-601489
How day-fines are worked out: https://www.oikeus.fi/?p=958 and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-fine

The Old Mess is voiced with AI and produced by Fola at Echoes Within Media.

Did medieval plague doctors wear those bird masks? Did medieval people never wash? And did tomatoes really poison rich Europeans through their pewter plates? Three myths, two minutes.

Sources
Plague doctor masks: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/plague-doctors-beaked-masks-coronavirus and https://www.medievalists.net/2023/09/20-myths-middle-ages/
Medieval washing: https://www.getty.edu/news/did-medieval-people-take-baths/ and https://www.medievalists.net/2023/09/20-myths-middle-ages/
Tomatoes: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/how-the-misrepresentation-of-tomatoes-as-stinking-poison-apples-that-provoked-vomiting-made-people-afraid-of-them-for-more-than-200-years-863735/ and https://www.mentalfloss.com/history/europe-terrified-tomatoes-witchcraft

The Old Mess is voiced with AI and produced by Fola at Echoes Within Media.

Everyone knows Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament. But he wasn't running the plot. Chris, Jessica and Gerald meet the man who was, read the letter nobody signed, argue about whether the gunpowder would even have gone off, find out why "you guys" started on a bonfire, and visit the cellar search Parliament still does with lanterns.

0:00 Cold open: who tried to blow up Parliament?
0:42 Part 1: England, 1605
1:11 Part 2: the boss nobody remembers
2:15 Part 3: the letter nobody signed
3:04 Part 4: midnight in the cellar
3:54 Part 5: what happened next
4:43 Part 6: would it even have gone off?
5:54 Part 7: bonfires, and where "you guys" comes from
7:03 Bonus mess: what is Big Ben?
7:43 Rapid-fire mess
8:30 The Mess Report
9:01 Strange but Logical: the lantern search

Sources
Catesby led the plot, Fawkes the explosives man: https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/inspire-me/5-things-the-real-story-of-bonfire-night/ and https://www.historyhit.com/facts-about-the-gunpowder-plot/
The thirteen plotters: https://www.history.co.uk/articles/lesser-known-gunpowder-conspirators and https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofEngland/Robert-Catesby/
The Monteagle letter and the cellar search: https://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/explore-the-collection/stories/the-monteagle-letter/ and https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2006/02/09/the-plot-that-failed/
"John Johnson" and the plan for Princess Elizabeth: https://www.adamsmith.org/blog/an-anonymous-letter-saved-king-and-parliament and https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2006/02/09/the-plot-that-failed/
Fawkes's signatures: https://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/state-secrets/traitors-and-spies/sp-14216/
His death: https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-death-of-guy-fawkes
Would it have exploded?: https://chemistryworld.com/features/gunpowder-treason-and-plot/3004619.article and https://arcane.org/2003/11/05/happy-guy-fawkes-day/
The thanksgiving law: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observance_of_5th_November_Act_1605 and https://cambridge.org/core/blog/2020/11/04/why-remember-the-fifth-of-november
"Guy" to "you guys": https://www.etymonline.com/word/guy and https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/guy-fawkes-may-be-root-word-guys-180953250/
Big Ben is the bell: https://www.history.com/articles/how-did-big-ben-get-its-name and https://willpearson.co.uk/big-ben
Neuschwanstein: https://en.schwangau.de/sightseeing/neuschwanstein-castle and https://www.medievalists.net/2023/09/20-myths-middle-ages/
Medieval beer and water: https://www.medievalists.net/2023/09/20-myths-middle-ages/ and https://content.www.wellcomecollection.org/stories/the-vilest-of-all-beverages
Dying at thirty: https://www.medievalists.net/2023/09/20-myths-middle-ages/ and https://www.skeptic.org.uk/2025/07/what-age-was-actually-considered-old-in-medieval-europe/
The lantern search: https://www.historic-uk.com/CultureUK/The-Yeomen-Of-The-Guard and https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/parliament-pageantry/3/

The Old Mess is voiced with AI and produced by Fola at Echoes Within Media.

Did Cleopatra win Rome with her looks? Did gladiators always fight to the death? And did Romans have a special room for throwing up? Three myths, two minutes.

Sources
Cleopatra: https://lexundria.com/plut_ant/27/prr (Plutarch, Life of Antony 27) and https://www.worldhistory.org/article/1491/was-cleopatra-beautiful/
Gladiators: https://www.history.com/news/did-gladiators-always-fight-to-the-death and https://www.badancient.com/claims/gladiator-deaths/
The vomitorium: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/purging-the-myth-of-the-vomitorium/ and https://www.history.com/articles/vomitoriums-fact-or-fiction

The Old Mess is voiced with AI and produced by Fola at Echoes Within Media.

Did Marie Antoinette really say "let them eat cake"? Chris, Jessica and Gerald follow the line from a philosopher's memoir to a pastry crust and a Chinese emperor, find out who really made the guillotine, bust three rapid-fire myths, and visit a Spanish village where the devil jumps over babies.

0:00 Cold open: who said it?
0:41 Part 1: brioche, not cake
1:33 Part 2: Rousseau's "great princess"
2:40 Part 3: the line's older owners
4:18 Part 4: why it stuck to her
5:49 Bonus mess: who made the guillotine?
7:02 Rapid-fire mess
7:51 The Mess Report
8:23 Strange but Logical: El Colacho

Sources
Emperor Hui of Jin: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_them_eat_cake and https://en.5000yan.com/history-of-china/western-jin-dynasty/idiot-emperor.html
"Let them eat cake" (Rousseau, Marie-Therese): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_them_eat_cake and https://www.history.com/articles/did-marie-antoinette-really-say-let-them-eat-cake
Marie Antoinette's 1775 letter: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Let_them_eat_cake and https://www.historyofroyalwomen.com/marie-antoinette/marie-antoinette-and-the-let-them-eat-cake-myth/
The guillotine: https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/history/france-adopts-guillotine and https://francetoday.com/learn/history/did-you-know-the-guillotine-and-cutting-edge-technology/
The croissant: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/croissant-really-french-180955130/ and https://www.chowhound.com/1620365/marie-antoinette-croissant-myth-france
Salem: https://www.history.com/articles/were-witches-burned-at-the-stake-during-the-salem-witch-trials and https://historyofmassachusetts.org/witches-burned-stake-salem/
The iron maiden: https://www.history.co.uk/articles/the-iron-maiden-medieval-torture-device-or-modern-myth and https://www.livescience.com/55985-are-iron-maidens-torture-devices.html
El Colacho: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/el-colacho-baby-jumping-festival-murcia-spain and https://www.thelocal.com/20150608/baby-jumping-festival-lands-in-burgos-spain-2015-colacho

The Old Mess is voiced with AI and produced by Fola at Echoes Within Media.

Three myths in under two minutes. Did George Washington really have wooden teeth? Was the Declaration of Independence signed on the fourth of July? And did JFK call himself a jelly doughnut in Berlin? Chris, Jessica and Gerald find out, and Gerald is wrong a record number of times.

The Old Mess is voiced with AI and produced by Fola at Echoes Within Media.