📌 If your mind is still running through today's meeting or that email you didn't send by the time you get into bed, try The Evening Upgrade, Julie's free 10 minute audio to help you actually put the day down and sleep properly: https://marketing.millieside.com/evening-upgrade

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In this episode, Julie breaks down self sabotage and why you keep pulling back right when you're close to the thing you actually want. You'll learn why this isn't a willpower problem, what's really happening in your body and subconscious in that moment, and the five step tool Julie uses with clients to interrupt the pattern. By the end you'll have a simple exercise you can try on the exact situation you keep repeating.

➡️ Why the fear holding you back usually isn't fear of failing, it's fear of getting it right

➡️ The five everyday patterns of self-sabotage (the unsent email, the watered-down comment in a meeting, downplaying a win)

➡️ The "safety loop" your body runs through before you pull back, and why it happens in seconds

➡️ A real client story of a senior leader whose subconscious kept overriding years of hard evidence that she was capable

➡️ The identity pause: a five step tool to notice, locate and change the pattern in real time

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction

01:21 Why you pull back right before success

02:26 The patterns of self-sabotage you might recognise

05:43 The safety loop: how your body reacts

07:16 Why self-sabotage feels like proof you were right

11:12 Client story: the senior leader held back by old beliefs

14:15 The identity pause: the five steps

15:47 Live exercise: try the identity pause yourself

22:02 Your challenge for this week

The Upgrade is a weekly live show for capable people who know they're capable of more, but somehow keep talking themselves out of the next step. Julie Smith, coach, therapist and hypnotherapist, gets into why your body treats growth like a threat and how to actually change that, not just manage it. New episode every week.

🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss the next one: https://www.youtube.com/@juliemillieside?sub_confirmation=1

💬 CONNECT WITH Julie Smith

Instagram: @juliemillieside

Website: https://millieside.com/

📌 If your mind won't switch off at night, or you're running on empty by the time you get home, try The Evening Upgrade. It's a free 10-minute audio with Julie that helps you actually put the day down and rest properly: https://marketing.millieside.com/evening-upgrade

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In this episode of The Upgrade, Julie unpacks why you can end up stuck in a life, or parts of a life, that you don't even like, even when you consciously want something different. You'll learn why your subconscious keeps pulling you back to old patterns the moment things get quiet or uncomfortable, and why "just think positive" never works on its own. You'll walk away with a simple five step tool you can use this week to catch the pattern in the moment and start choosing a different response.

➡️ Why wanting to change consciously doesn't stop you repeating the same old behaviour

➡️ The "familiar filter" and how it quietly runs your reactions before you've even had a thought

➡️ How childhood moments (like being told to stop crying) wire beliefs that still show up at work and at home today

➡️ A real client story showing how this shift looks in practice, from reacting to deliberate action

➡️ The five step process to interrupt the automatic response and build new evidence for who you're becoming

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Why we stay stuck in a life we don't like

01:06 Introducing the familiar filter

01:29 Signs you're running on autopilot

02:15 Conscious mind vs subconscious programming

03:13 How the familiar pattern actually plays out

04:22 Where these beliefs come from in childhood

06:06 Why we get addicted to a life we don't like

07:48 A client story: from reacting to deliberate action

10:11 The five step tool to interrupt the pattern

12:34 Julie's own story of proving old beliefs wrong

17:02 Final thoughts and how to start this week

The Upgrade is a weekly show for capable people who know they're built for more but keep finding themselves held back by an older version of themselves. Each week Julie Smith breaks down the real, often subconscious reasons you hesitate, overthink or play small, and gives you practical tools to actually shift it, not just more confidence advice that doesn't stick. If this episode landed, the next one will too.

🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss the next one: https://www.youtube.com/@juliemillieside?sub_confirmation=1

💬 CONNECT WITH Julie Smith

Instagram: @juliemillieside

Website: https://millieside.com/

If your mind won't switch off at night, or you're running on empty by the time you get home, try The Evening Upgrade. It's a free 10 minute audio with Julie that helps you actually put the day down and rest properly: https://marketing.millieside.com/evening-upgrade

———

In this episode of The Upgrade, Julie breaks down why you keep repeating the same patterns in your life, even the ones you don't actually like, and introduces something called the Familiar Filter to help you spot what's really driving your automatic reactions. You'll learn why your body reacts before you've even had a conscious thought about it, and why wanting to change on the surface isn't enough to actually change your behaviour. By the end, you'll have a simple five step process you can start using this week to build new evidence for who you actually want to be.

➡️ Why your subconscious mind quietly overrides your conscious decision to change

➡️ How childhood experiences shape the automatic reactions you have today

➡️ The five step Familiar Filter process to interrupt old patterns in the moment

➡️ Why your body reacts before your mind has even caught up

➡️ How to start gathering evidence for a new identity, one small moment at a time

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Introduction

01:06 Introducing the Familiar Filter

02:22 Conscious mind vs subconscious mind

03:13 How the familiar loop actually works

04:30 Where these patterns start in childhood

06:06 Why we get addicted to a life we don't like

08:02 Client story: reacting vs deliberate action

10:11 The five step tool to break the pattern

14:37 Shifting your identity, not just your behaviour

17:03 Try this: The Evening Upgrade audio

The Upgrade is Julie Smith's weekly show for capable people who know they're meant for more but keep getting pulled back by an old version of themselves. Every week Julie unpacks the real psychology behind why you hesitate, overthink or play small, and gives you practical tools to rewire the beliefs keeping you stuck, so you can feel safer being seen, asking for more and building the life you actually want. If this episode landed, next week's will too.

🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss the next one: https://www.youtube.com/@juliemillieside?sub_confirmation=1

💬 CONNECT WITH Julie Smith

Instagram: @juliemillieside

Website: https://millieside.com/