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We explore the STIR framework and answer a listener’s question about whether the goal is to stand in the center of all four styles, or to use each style wisely. We map how to grow in a resistant environment, when leaving is healthy, and how to set boundaries without turning conflict into a scorecard.

• STIR overview and the four styles
• Standing in the middle versus using what you need when you need it
• Opposites attract and the strain of those differences
• Finding your natural spot by noticing who annoys or attracts you
• Borrowing other styles without abandoning your base
• Growing when family systems resist change
• Stay or leave decisions and the role of likability
• Boundaries that are clean, not covert demands
• Taking conflict less personally and naming projections

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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We open our archive of listener questions to explore how to give honest feedback without a therapy license, how to manage triggers with self-awareness, and how parents can raise more integrated, emotionally grounded kids. We use simple tools like permission, curiosity, and active listening, then wrestle with school competition, adolescent individuation, and the culture’s uneasy relationship with accountability.

• asking permission before offering feedback
• using curiosity to reduce defensiveness
• tracking triggers and projection in conflict
• I-statements that name impact, not blame
• a two-part active listening exercise
• early personality formation and integration
• parenting with all four STIR quadrants
• adolescents pushing for individuation
• school competition vs nurtured strengths
• truth-telling, accountability, and growth

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

What if your stress, your arguments, and your burnout all point to one simple mismatch—using the right energy at the wrong time? We explore a Jungian-informed model of four energies—Stabilizer, Transformer, Initiator, Responder (STIR)—and show how balancing them reduces conflict, eases burnout, and strengthens relationships. Real client stories ground the ideas in clear steps you can use.

We start with the Stabilizer: the part that craves order, fairness, and control. Through real therapy and coaching stories, we trace how chaos at home or work pushes Stabilizers into rigidity, and how a subtle shift—setting boundaries for yourself rather than managing everyone else—brings relief. From there we meet the Transformer, the intuitive creative who sees possibilities others miss. We talk charisma, dry spells, and why epiphanies without structure stall. You’ll hear practical ways to ground big ideas.

Then we move to the Initiator, the action engine that turns vision into motion. We explore how to keep momentum without steamrolling context, creating cadences that protect scope and relationships. Finally, we honor the Responder, the caregiver who anticipates needs until they’re exhausted. We dig into false guilt, overfunctioning, and the healing power of being witnessed—how feeling heard restores energy and makes boundaries possible. Throughout, we map how these four energies collaborate. Integration is the goal, not perfection—borrowing the right voice at the right moment so life feels less like a fight and more like flow.

If the model resonates, share this episode with a friend who’d benefit, and consider which energy you want to practice this week. Subscribe for more grounded psychology, leave a review to help others find the show, and reach out if you’d like to work with us one-on-one.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)