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We explore the STIR framework and answer a listener’s question about whether the goal is to stand in the center of all four styles, or to use each style wisely. We map how to grow in a resistant environment, when leaving is healthy, and how to set boundaries without turning conflict into a scorecard.

• STIR overview and the four styles
• Standing in the middle versus using what you need when you need it
• Opposites attract and the strain of those differences
• Finding your natural spot by noticing who annoys or attracts you
• Borrowing other styles without abandoning your base
• Growing when family systems resist change
• Stay or leave decisions and the role of likability
• Boundaries that are clean, not covert demands
• Taking conflict less personally and naming projections

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You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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We open our archive of listener questions to explore how to give honest feedback without a therapy license, how to manage triggers with self-awareness, and how parents can raise more integrated, emotionally grounded kids. We use simple tools like permission, curiosity, and active listening, then wrestle with school competition, adolescent individuation, and the culture’s uneasy relationship with accountability.

• asking permission before offering feedback
• using curiosity to reduce defensiveness
• tracking triggers and projection in conflict
• I-statements that name impact, not blame
• a two-part active listening exercise
• early personality formation and integration
• parenting with all four STIR quadrants
• adolescents pushing for individuation
• school competition vs nurtured strengths
• truth-telling, accountability, and growth

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

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What if your stress, your arguments, and your burnout all point to one simple mismatch—using the right energy at the wrong time? We explore a Jungian-informed model of four energies—Stabilizer, Transformer, Initiator, Responder (STIR)—and show how balancing them reduces conflict, eases burnout, and strengthens relationships. Real client stories ground the ideas in clear steps you can use.

We start with the Stabilizer: the part that craves order, fairness, and control. Through real therapy and coaching stories, we trace how chaos at home or work pushes Stabilizers into rigidity, and how a subtle shift—setting boundaries for yourself rather than managing everyone else—brings relief. From there we meet the Transformer, the intuitive creative who sees possibilities others miss. We talk charisma, dry spells, and why epiphanies without structure stall. You’ll hear practical ways to ground big ideas.

Then we move to the Initiator, the action engine that turns vision into motion. We explore how to keep momentum without steamrolling context, creating cadences that protect scope and relationships. Finally, we honor the Responder, the caregiver who anticipates needs until they’re exhausted. We dig into false guilt, overfunctioning, and the healing power of being witnessed—how feeling heard restores energy and makes boundaries possible. Throughout, we map how these four energies collaborate. Integration is the goal, not perfection—borrowing the right voice at the right moment so life feels less like a fight and more like flow.

If the model resonates, share this episode with a friend who’d benefit, and consider which energy you want to practice this week. Subscribe for more grounded psychology, leave a review to help others find the show, and reach out if you’d like to work with us one-on-one.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

Ever catch yourself asking, “Is anybody thirsty?” when you really mean, “I am thirsty”? That’s projection. Projection is the way we see our denied traits, desires, needs, and fears in other people. In this episode we dig into projection with clear language, real stories, and actionable tools you can use the next time a small ask turns into a big fight.

We break down how projection can make our attraction to another person feel like destiny. And later, projection can fuel the disappointment phase, when the qualities that once drew us together start to grate on us. From the orange juice argument that nearly ended a marriage to the “need meter” who anticipates everyone’s needs but can’t voice their own, we show how to pull projections back, make direct requests without guilt, and build the capacity to get your needs met without tests or resentment. Along the way, we explore masculine and feminine energies, why both defense and receptivity matter, and how the kernel-of-truth test turns criticism into growth without taking it personally.

We explore the mediating factors of our family of origin; roles we were handed, dreams parents lived through us, wealth and scarcity scripts, and faith identities we inherited rather than owned. We also consider the shadow side: how we project what we won’t face onto “the other.” One of the desired outcomes is to promote relationships that grow up instead of blow up.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review so more curious people can find conversations like this. What projection are you ready to reclaim today?

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

The hardest part of growing up isn’t getting older—it’s seeing yourself clearly. We start with a raw reaction to a public figure’s killing and follow the thread into how midlife shakes our beliefs, our relationships, and the stories we tell about who we are. That shift often arrives as discomfort: a spouse says “I’m unhappy,” a job that once thrilled now numbs, a faith you inherited asks to be re-examined. Instead of treating these alarms as failures, we frame them as invitations to look inward with more honesty and less panic.

We break down the small moments that quietly drain connection. We offer a straightforward tool to stop the late-night spiral. We also map how personality differences feed the gridlock: static partners protect harmony; dynamic partners push change. Both have value when we stop using them as weapons and start using them as wisdom.

We go deeper on anger and forgiveness, especially the fear that letting go means someone “got away with it.” Holding on can feel righteous, but it keeps you emotionally married to the past. We explore how to release resentment without denying harm, and how to honor the beliefs that formed you without freezing in them. The result is a kinder, clearer path through the noisy middle—one where intimacy means staying present for hard conversations, not avoiding them, and where growth doesn’t require contempt for your origins.

If this conversation sparked something—about your marriage, your work, or your faith—share it with a friend who’s in their own midlife pivot. Subscribe for more candid tools and stories, and leave a review to tell us what you want us to tackle next.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

This episode considers the importance of integrating the various personality styles. We explore the sobering shift from rescue fantasies to self-responsibility and how flexible thinking builds emotional safety and connection. Along the way, we unpack the minimized feminine voice, creativity as a practice, and why humor often shows up as armor.

• accepting that no one will rescue us
• hearing the feminine voice and giving it space
• nurturing neglected parts through art and creativity
• cognitive flexibility as a pillar of emotional health
• choosing relationship over being right
• inward-outward energy and locus of control
• control strategies, charisma, and safety needs
• humor as protection and its relational cost
• learning to sit with feelings without qualifiers

If you're enjoying the podcast, we'd love for you to follow, rate, or share it with someone who might appreciate it as well

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

A single line sparked the conversation: the life you want is on the other side of the work you’re avoiding. From that starting point, we unpack what actually turns insight into movement and why so many smart plans stall before they start. We talk candidly about initiating energy—the force that begins things—and how non‑initiators can find it without trying to become someone they’re not, while initiators learn to temper speed with care so progress doesn’t cost connection.

We get practical about fear, procrastination, and the inner monologue that either blocks or enables action. You’ll hear how to locate past moments of initiation and reuse that feeling, why accountability matters more than another goal sheet, and how to balance compassion with structure so your emotions inform your choices without running them. We explore the common dynamic where logic wins the argument but loses the relationship, the power of listening without fixing, and the value of inviting honest feedback—complete with a “court jester” who can safely tell you where you’re veering off track.

For leaders and high‑drive personalities, we spotlight early signals of burnout, the trap of turning self‑care into a to‑do list, and the discipline of tuning into the body as data. We also examine the shadow side of relentless initiation—control, isolation, and missed human moments—alongside its world‑shaping potential, from innovation to cultural breakthroughs. The real project is integration: blending initiator, responder, stabilizer, and transformer energies so you can finish what matters, release what doesn’t, and move forward with integrity.

If this conversation helps you see your next step, share it with a friend, subscribe for more, and leave a quick review to tell us what you’ll start—or stop—this week.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)

Send us a text

Ambition can build bridges or burn them—so how do you keep the fire without scorching your team or your relationships? We dive into the Initiator, a personality expression defined by dynamic masculine energy: goal-first, action-forward, and relentlessly independent. Think founders, crisis leaders, and the people who move when everyone else hesitates. We unpack the real strengths—decisiveness, clarity, and momentum—alongside the predictable blind spots: shallow listening, impatience with process, and a tendency to miss relational cues until it’s too late.

Across the conversation, we map clear signals of Initiator energy and explain why others often “ride the wake” of strong leaders, outsourcing risk and then resenting the outcome. We get honest about projection—how teams and communities crown Initiators as heroes, then flip them into villains when reality fails to match fantasy. You’ll hear practical ways to avoid the bait, hold boundaries with both praise and criticism. If you’ve ever wondered why people stop “hearing” you when you push hard, or why applause can turn to anger overnight, this breakdown will help you read the room and adjust without losing momentum.

We also talk about reclaiming agency if you’re not a natural Initiator. Instead of latching onto someone else’s drive, learn to spark your own small acts of initiation—send the draft, start the hobby, set the micro‑goal—so you build courage and reduce dependency. And for Initiators trying to grow, we share simple listening tactics that don’t stall the project. The result is sustainable leadership, teams that feel heard, and relationships that don’t get sacrificed for the next win.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who leads hard and loves harder, and leave a review so more listeners can find us.

You can connect with the cohosts through their respective websites:

AFCCounselors.com (Dr. Shalley) / www.InYourDreams.Coach (Dr. Kelley)