What happens when you stop enabling people and start holding them accountable?

In Snack Size Deep Dive 10 we explore the uncomfortable truth that emotional honesty and accountability can cost you relationships. When you stop participating in denial, toxic coping patterns, or self-destructive dynamics, some people won’t grow with you, they’ll distance themselves instead.

This episode covers:

• The psychology behind why accountability triggers shame
• Defensiveness and withdrawal in emotionally avoidant people
• What it means to “hold up a mirror"
• Why growth can feel lonely
• How outgrowing people is often a painful but necessary part of healing.

If you’ve ever been called too intense, too honest, too harsh, or “not fun anymore” after setting boundaries or speaking truth, this conversation is for you.

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Why do you cringe at things you said years ago?
Why do other people’s awkward moments make you physically recoil?

Cringing is a self-conscious emotion tied to shame, belonging, and internalised social rules. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you from rejection.

In Episode 21 I talk about:

• What cringing actually is from a psychological perspective
• Why you judge yourself so harshly for past behaviour
• Why you cringe at other people for being “too much” or "embarrassing"
• How conditional approval shapes your internal rulebook
• The shame loop: rumination, replaying, and self-punishment
• Why highly empathetic or hyper-vigilant people cringe more
• How to respond with curiosity instead of self-abandonment and judgement

Cringing doesn’t mean you’re cruel.
It means something inside you learned that being visible wasn’t safe.

This is honest, uncomfortable self-reflection. Sit with it.

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Hi, I'm Tash. Welcome to the Things We Say in Therapy Podcast!

This podcast is uncomfortable… on purpose.

Here, we talk about the honest truths. The thoughts you whisper in therapy but rarely say out loud. The patterns, the triggers, the relationships, the self-sabotage, all of it.

If you’re on a self-growth journey, curious about psychology, or just trying to understand yourself (and the people around you) a little better… you’re in the right place.

Some of these conversations might confront you. They might challenge you. They might even sting a little.

But discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong, it’s often a sign you’re growing.

So I invite you to lean in. Stay curious. And be gentle with yourself along the way.

We release new episodes every Monday and Thursday, your double dose of self-reflection.

Let’s navigate it together.

See you there.

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Most people don’t think of themselves as emotionally dismissive.

But if emotional conversations make you uncomfortable, overwhelming, or something you instinctively try to shut down, this episode will help you figure out why.

In Snack Size Deep Dive 9 of the Things We Say in Therapy Podcast, we explore emotional dismissiveness: what it actually looks like, why it happens, and how it’s often rooted in a low tolerance for emotional discomfort rather than a lack of care.

This episode covers:

• What emotionally dismissive behaviour looks like in everyday interactions
• Why minimising, fixing, joking, or changing the subject is often a defence mechanism
• How dismissiveness slowly damages emotional safety and connection
• The difference between being dismissive because you care vs being emotionally unsafe
• How to catch yourself in real time without shame or self-abandonment
• How to respond to other people’s emotions with validation instead of avoidance

Dismissing emotions doesn’t make you a bad person.
It’s usually something you learned to survive.

But awareness is what turns protection into connection.

If this episode feels uncomfortable, that’s not a problem, it’s information. Sit with it.

Tell us why you love the show!

Support the show

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I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory

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Why do we get defensive during conflict even when we’re self-aware?

In Episode 20 of Things We Say in Therapy, we break down defensiveness as a nervous system response rather than a personality flaw, and explore why feedback can feel like a personal attack.

This episode covers:

• What defensiveness actually is and why it shows up during conflict
• The role of the nervous system, amygdala, and fight-flight-freeze responses
• How childhood attachment, shame, and fear of abandonment shape defensiveness
• Why over-explaining, sarcasm, shutting down, and “brutal honesty” are often self-protection
• The difference between being misunderstood and being wronged
• How to separate intent from impact in difficult conversations
• The hidden cost of defensiveness on relationships and emotional safety
• How to notice defensiveness in real time and respond without self-abandonment
• When defensiveness is actually a signal of being shamed or manipulated

If you struggle with accountability, conflict, emotional regulation, people-pleasing, or feeling unsafe receiving feedback, this episode offers honest self-reflection, psychology insights, and practical tools to help you build healthier, more authentic relationships.

Discomfort isn’t a threat, it’s information. Sit with it.

Tell us why you love the show!

Support the show

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I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory

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Why do some of us keep choosing chaos over calm?

In Snack Size Deep Dive 8 we explore why people who grew up in chaotic or emotionally unavailable environments often find drama familiar and peace uncomfortable. Learn how our nervous system can become addicted to chaos, how drama serves as emotional regulation, and why calm can feel suspicious, boring, or even anxiety-inducing.

This episode is about understanding patterns in ourselves and our relationships, recognising how trauma shapes our reactions, and learning how to sit with discomfort and grow.

This episode includes:

• Introduction: Chaos vs Calm – Why the nervous system craves drama
• Why calm can feel uncomfortable and trigger anxiety
• Avoidance and discomfort
• Nervous system conditioning and hyper-vigilance
• Confusing intensity with intimacy and its impact on relationships
• Healing and self-awareness
• Recognising your own toxic patterns
• Self-sabotage and accountability: How we maintain chaos to feel safe

Self-Reflection Questions:

• What does calm bring up for you?
• How do you avoid being left alone with your thoughts?
• Are you able to sit in stillness without confusing peace with boredom?

Tell us why you love the show!

Support the show

🎙️NEW EPISODES EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY!! Follow so that you don’t miss an episode!💚💛

I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory

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Most people believe they’re empathetic, but real empathy isn’t comfortable or easy.

In Episode 19 of Things We Say In Therapy, we unpack performative empathy: the habit of wanting to appear caring, supportive, and emotionally safe without actually being present in someone’s pain.

We explore why many people:

• Perform care instead of offering real emotional connection
• Rush to fix, reframe, or validate to avoid discomfort
• Use toxic positivity and emotional bypassing without realising
• Struggle to sit with difficult emotions, their own and others’

We also break down the psychology behind performative empathy, including nervous system avoidance, people-pleasing, trauma responses, and fragile self-identity, expanding on how these patterns quietly damage connection and trust in relationships.

This episode isn’t about blame or shame, it’s about awareness, emotional honesty, and learning how to sit with discomfort instead of escaping it.

If this feels uncomfortable, that’s the point. Sit with it.

Tell us why you love the show!

Support the show

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I📖f you are struggling with your health, please don't go through it alone. View this: international mental health helpline directory

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In Snack Size Deep Dive 7, we talk about one of the most uncomfortable truths in adult friendships: loving your friends deeply while secretly feeling competitive, jealous, or resentful when they get things you want.

This short, snackable episode unpacks why these feelings are far more common than we admit and why they don’t mean you’re a bad friend or a bad person. Through psychology-backed insights on social comparison, self-esteem, scarcity mindset, and identity threat, you’ll learn why your friends’ success can feel like a personal failure, and how to turn that discomfort into self-awareness instead of shame.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why jealousy and love can coexist
• The psychology behind comparison in close friendships
• How low self-worth fuels competitiveness
• Why your friends’ wins trigger insecurity
• How to stop letting comparison damage meaningful relationships

Tell us why you love the show!

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