Funny Mystery

Sixteen delightful holiday short stories by some of your favorite Soho crime authors! This captivating collection of short mysteries and crime capers - which features New York Times best-selling authors, Crime Writers Association Gold and Diamond Dagger winners, and Edgar Award nominees - contains laughs aplenty, the most hardboiled of holiday noir, and heartwarming reminders of the spirit of the season.

Apparently, I've been slacking on the job as a paralegal, even though the firm doesn't know that I'm secretly working as the area's premier Pet Whisperer P.I. to solve our toughest cases behind the scenes. Now, they've hired an intern to "help" me manage my workload.... But what the partners don't realize is that they've let a nefarious criminal into our offices. Trust me, Octo-Cat can smell this guy's stink from a mile away. The worst part? I'm pretty sure he can talk to animals too...and he most definitely isn't using his talents to solve crimes and defend the innocent.

Meet Tommy Martini, the monk with an anger management problem. His meditations are interrupted by a legacy from his uncle, a crooked priest. Arriving in a New Age Arizona town to claim his inheritance, Brother Tommy meets a charismatic, smoking-hot cult leader who claims that women are being impregnated by alien beings while they sleep. Tommy’s own sleep is disturbed - by cartel hitmen, Mafia bill collectors, and women intrigued by his vow of chastity.

When a dip-net fisherman hauls in a severed human foot, Lieutenant Jim Wekle is thrown into another whodunit on his remote island. Alaskan mayhem ensues with a rogue gang of elderly women on ATVs, a Planet Patrol environmental boat with an oil leak, and an influx of tourists, each clutching a fresh copy of a book titled, Muskeg Mama. Kram is in rare form as he decides to enter the local work force by applying his unique perspective to a series of part-time jobs. 

Jim and Kram are back in their second hilarious romp around their secluded Southeast Alaskan island. With a serial killer at large (a cereal serial killer, to be more accurate), an unlucky entrepreneur with an out-of-control facial tic, and the nephew of a notorious crime boss setting up shop on the island, Lieutenant Jim Wekle will have his work cut out for him.  

Jim Wekle's first day as a trooper on an island in Alaska could have gone better. It was raining, the coffee was bad, and within hours of stepping off the seaplane, he found a bikini-clad girl floating in a kelp bed. As Jim investigates who might have put the bullet in her back, he stumbles across a uniquely diverse and extraordinarily hilarious batch of island inhabitants. Puffing on his imported cigars, Jim soon learns that no one on the island is more unique, diverse, or hilarious than his unlikely counterpart: a man simply known as Kram.

Mae West, a far cry from the Hollywood actress, has been thrown for a loop. Her plush lifestyle in the big city of New York comes to a screeching halt after the FBI raids her mansion and arrests her husband, Paul West, for a Ponzi scheme that rips people out of millions of dollars. Mae finds herself homeless, friendless, and penniless. All hope isn't lost... the only thing Mae got to keep that the government didn't seize is a tourist camp ground, Happy Trails, in Normal, Kentucky.

Eli’s asked to perform his magic act at a swanky charity gala, the Zombie Ball - a former zombie pub crawl which has grown into an annual high-class social event. What begins as a typical stage show for Eli turns deadly when two of the evening’s sponsors are found murdered under truly unusual circumstances. Compounding this drama is the presence of Eli’s ex-wife and her new husband, Homicide Detective Fred Hutton. Under pressure to solve the crime before the 800 guests depart, Eli and his detective nemesis go head-to-head.

Criminal defense investigator Cecil Younger spends his days coaching would-be felons on how to avoid incriminating themselves. When Sherrie, a returning client with a good heart but a penchant for bad boys, asks him to track down some evidence that will help with her case, Cecil agrees. Cecil treks out to the shady apartment complex she mentioned, only to find his teenage daughter, Blossom, inside. He manages to get both the box Sherrie wanted and his daughter safely home, and later discovers the "evidence" is a large pile of cash - fifty thousand dollars, to be exact.

Samantha Spinner's uncle Paul disappeared, and here's what he left: Samantha's sister got a check for $2,400,000,000. Samantha's brother got the New York Yankees. And Samantha got a rusty red umbrella with a tag hanging off its worn handle. The tag says "Watch out for the RAIN." Thanks a lot, Uncle Paul. After all the strawberry waffles, stories, and puzzles they've shared, how could he just leave without saying good-bye? And what is the meaning of that mysterious message? The answer is simple. Sam knows in her heart that Uncle Paul is in danger.

Resourceful Bingo Riggs and his partner, Handsome Kusak, are in the sucker-bait business, snapping candid pics of tourists off Central Park. Their fly-by-night enterprise can be irresistible to souvenir lovers, but with one camera in a pawnshop and their developing room in the bathtub of a two-room dump near Hell’s Kitchen, their venture is wretchedly underexposed - until they stumble upon an insurance fraud scheme between the allegedly dead eccentric Mr. S. S. Pigeon and his business partner and beneficiary.

Marzie is in crisis! This witch is unsure about what to do or how to do it. Every flick of the wand could lead to a disaster for the people she loves. Marzie is heading into hiding with her favorite werewolf. But the pull of Widow's Bay and her responsibilities to her coven and her family are strong. Marzie will learn the reason why intermittent casting is a very bad idea. 

Fletch, as unbridled as ever and still living the good life in Italy on his ill-gotten fortune, gets a surprising visit from two surly FBI agents. The pair offers him a deal: either he attend the American Journalism Alliance convention and work as an undercover spy for them, or be shipped back to headquarters and face jail time for tax evasion. Reluctantly agreeing to the scheme, he catches a red-eye flight back to the States. But just as rubber hits tarmac in Virginia, news breaks on a murder at the convention.

Things seemed in place for local reporter and empty nest witch Marzie Nowak. Broom, check. Wand, check. Coven, check. Vampire boyfriend? Checkity check check! But things aren't what they appear. Everything about her life is about to turn upside down. From a surprise visit from her boss to the re-upping of her mom duties, Marzie is just trying to keep it together. But then murder and a betrayal force Marzie to make a terrible choice and catch a killer before she loses everything. 

When a freak accident hospitalizes Marty Golden's sister and condemns him to babysitter duty, he thinks it's just another case of hardwired bad luck in Silicon Valley. Until a suspicious murder suggests the mishap was no mere coincidence. Something must be done. Too bad this quirky, fashion-backward uncle isn't exactly hero material. Convinced his sister is in mortal danger, he follows clues to an oddball array of suspects. Armed with nothing but an eye for detail and powers of self-delusion, Marty tangles with gangsters, a cantankerous school secretary, and a perplexing woman.

After years spent working the birthday party and baby shower circuit, Anastasia Winters finally has a corner office and a host of supernatural clients all begging her to plan their special day. But following a brush of bad luck, she finds herself on the brink of losing it all. With an ultimatum from her boss on the table, she knows her next wedding has to be perfect. When the vampy mother of the groom is found dead, the bride goes on the run, and Anastasia is forced head-first into the murder investigation if she has any chance of getting the wedding back on track and keeping her job.

Lauren Crenshaw and her Norwegian Forest Cat Annie run their own certified cat cafe in the picturesque small town of Gold Leaf Valley, Northern California. Lauren's fun cousin Zoe helps out as well. Lauren, Annie, and Zoe are shocked when one of their favorite customers is poisoned. Steve came into the cafe nearly every day - but who wanted him dead? The trio find themselves suspecting their customers - even elderly Mrs. Finch, whom Lauren thinks of as a substitute grandmother, doesn't escape their scrutiny.  

Digging up trouble is becoming a habit for Diana Flowers. But when she finds a collection of bones buried where she had planned to plant out her lupins, she can't believe her bad luck...especially as she doesn't think Diggory the dog is the one who buried them. Fergus has a wild theory about the identity of the skeleton beneath the flower field. More shockingly still, he might just be right. 

It seems just about everyone in Hollywood had a reason to want Steve Peterman dead. But how someone managed to put a knife in his back on a live broadcast without being seen is anyone's guess. Unfortunately for Fletch, his girlfriend, Moxie Mooney, a huge star at the box office, is also the number-one suspect. With the police asking way too many questions, Fletch whisks Moxie and her drunken father off to Key West for a little privacy. But before he can even check out the beach, the rest of the suspects decide to check in.

When a passenger check-in desk at Terminal Two, Heathrow Airport, shot up through the roof engulfed in a ball of orange flame, the usual people tried to claim responsibility. First the IRA, then the PLO and the Gas Board. Even British Nuclear Fuels rushed out a statement to the effect that the situation was completely under control, that it was a one-in-a-million chance, that there was hardly any radioactive leakage at all and that the site of the explosion would make a nice location for a day out with the kids and a picnic.