In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Rhiannon Hughes about her lived experience of growing up in care in both the UK and Spain, being separated from siblings, surviving instability, and carrying adult responsibilities from a very young age. Rhiannon shares what care felt like from the inside, what she needed most from the adults around her, and how trauma, inconsistency and loss shaped her journey. This episode will resonate with paid and unpaid caregivers, teachers, foster carers, parents and anyone supporting children with trauma, attachment needs or care experience. It is an honest, moving conversation about grief, survival, resilience and why the right adult relationships matter so much.

In this episode, we explore:

• What it felt like to enter care as a child
• The impact of separation from siblings and repeated disruption
• Differences between care experiences in the UK and Spain
• What children in care really need from adults around them
• How trauma, survival mode and responsibility shape identity
• Rhiannon’s powerful story of helping her sister out of homelessness and addiction

Three key messages from this episode:

1. Children in care do not just need placements - they need consistency, patience and adults who keep showing up.
2. Trauma can make children highly alert to people, threat and instability, so relationships must feel safe before they can feel meaningful.
3. Lived experience can become a source of strength, empathy and purpose - but it often comes at a significant emotional cost.

Timestamps / Chapters: 00:00 - Introduction and why this conversation matters 00:32 - Entering care at six years old due to abuse and neglect 02:15 - Foster care, children’s homes and sibling separation 04:01 - Moving to Spain and re-entering care overseas 05:19 - The grief of losing parents, home, siblings and safety 06:24 - What Rhiannon needed most from adults: consistency and patience 09:30 - The difference between care in Spain and the UK 12:13 - What resilience really cost her 15:49 - Leaving care, homelessness and falling through the gaps 19:16 - Finding purpose in lived experience and moving into care recruitment 23:42 - Why connection and consistency matter more than just filling staff gaps

Why listen to this episode: If you work with children in care, support care-experienced young people, or want to better understand trauma from the inside out, this episode is essential listening. Rhiannon’s story is raw, honest and deeply human. It offers a powerful reminder that behind every behaviour is a history, behind every coping strategy is a survival story, and behind every “difficult” young person is often a child who has had to grow up far too soon.

Resources mentioned / useful links:

• Rhiannon Hughes LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhiannon-hughes-a85469217?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app
• Residential Recruitment: http://www.residentialrecruitment.co.uk
• Contact Rhiannon: Rhiannon@residentialrecruitment.co.uk

Follow Able / Able to Care:

• Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining

Coming next: Part 2 is released next Tuesday, where the conversation shifts into staffing, recruitment, children’s homes, therapeutic care, and what truly makes an adult change a child’s life.

In this episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker speaks with Carmel Saulbrey, Managing Director of Niche Care Homes and founder of The Kindness Code, about what it really takes to build strong, resilient teams in children’s residential care. This conversation explores the emotional demands placed on staff, why therapeutic care is about far more than specialist interventions, and how kindness, consistency and workforce development can change outcomes for both children and the adults supporting them. If you are a caregiver, teacher, parent, foster carer or support professional interested in trauma-informed practice, therapeutic care, staff wellbeing, and children’s residential homes, this episode offers practical insight and real honesty.

Andy and Carmel explore what makes a children’s home truly therapeutic on a day-to-day level, why staff burnout and turnover are such major issues in residential care, and how even good, caring adults can struggle under pressure when supporting children with trauma. Carmel shares why she believes kindness should be treated as a professional standard, not a soft extra, and explains how The Kindness Code was created to help staff practise therapeutic responses, build confidence, and embed training in real-life scenarios.

If you work with children who have experienced trauma, this episode will help you think more deeply about:

• how therapeutic care shows up in ordinary moments
• why good staff sometimes leave difficult roles
• how to support teams without losing boundaries
• what kindness really looks like when behaviour is challenging
• why workforce development matters just as much as child-centred practice

This is a thoughtful episode for anyone who wants to build safer relationships, stronger teams and more consistent care.

1. Therapeutic care is lived in the small moments. It is not just about specialist sessions - it is about how adults respond, repair, connect and stay calm in everyday interactions.

2. Kindness is not weakness. True therapeutic kindness includes warmth, boundaries, honesty and consistency, even when a child is distressed or dysregulated.

3. If we care for the team, the team can care for the children. Staff need support, confidence, practice and psychological safety if they are going to offer children the regulation and connection they need.

00:00 - Introduction and Carmel’s journey into children’s residential care 00:46 - What makes a children’s home therapeutic in real life 02:02 - Why the emotional demand on staff is so high 06:13 - Why good people leave children’s care roles 11:10 - The difference between managing behaviour and building safety 15:45 - Everyday acts of love, regulation and belonging in children’s homes 20:01 - Why Carmel created The Kindness Code 24:27 - Using AI to help staff practise therapeutic responses 31:00 - The team culture needed to stay calm, kind and consistent 42:59 - Carmel’s hopes for The Kindness Code 46:22 - A closing message for exhausted residential support workers

• The Kindness Code Training and practice support designed to help staff embed therapeutic kindness, build confidence, and respond more effectively in children’s residential care.
• Niche Care Homes Carmel’s children’s residential care homes focused on therapeutic practice, workforce development and creating better outcomes for children.
• The Kindness Code Podcast Mentioned as part of Carmel’s wider work and message around kindness, care and staff development.

Carmel Saulbrey is the Managing Director of Niche Care Homes and founder of The Kindness Code. She is passionate about improving outcomes in children’s residential care by strengthening workforce development, supporting staff wellbeing, and helping teams embed therapeutic practice consistently. Carmel believes that by investing in compassionate, confident and well-supported teams, we create better environments for children and the adults who care for them.

Website: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining

In this solo episode of the Able to Care Podcast, Andy Baker explores one of the most misunderstood behaviours in dementia care - pacing, repetitive walking and repeatedly saying “I need to go home”. Instead of dismissing this as “wandering”, Andy invites carers, teachers, parents and support staff to ask a better question: what is this behaviour trying to communicate? This episode looks at how repetitive behaviour can signal anxiety, sensory dysregulation, loneliness, discomfort, purpose, or an unmet need, and why correcting facts too quickly can make distress worse. If you support someone living with dementia, or anyone whose behaviour can become repetitive under stress, this episode offers a more curious, compassionate and practical way to respond.

What this episode covers:

Andy breaks down why repetitive walking is rarely pointless and is often a strategy to cope with stress, regulate the body, solve a problem or meet a need. He introduces a practical framework - See, Feel, Need, Do - to help supporters slow down, spot patterns, consider the emotional driver, identify possible unmet needs and respond in a more helpful way. He also connects this to the Human Motivation Triangle and the HELP model, showing how behaviour may be linked to human, emotional, location-based or physical needs.

Three key messages:

1. Repetitive walking is often communication, not “just wandering” What looks like wandering may actually be walking with purpose - searching, soothing, escaping discomfort, seeking connection or trying to complete something important.
2. Correcting facts can increase distress When someone is anxious, telling them “this is your home now” or trying to stop the movement can land as confrontation rather than reassurance.
3. Curiosity leads to better care Rather than asking “how do I stop this?”, ask “what need is underneath this?” Supportive responses such as walking with the person, offering purpose, reducing stimulation or creating a safer route can make a real difference.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Reframing “wandering” as walking with purpose 00:30 - The care home scenario: pacing, checking doors and wanting to go home 01:15 - Why correcting the facts can make things worse 01:55 - Behaviour as strategy: unmet need, stress and regulation 02:45 - The Human Motivation Triangle explained 03:00 - The See, Feel, Need, Do framework 03:35 - What could the person be feeling? 04:00 - Could walking be sensory regulation? 05:15 - Practical responses that reduce distress 06:30 - Building a proactive plan instead of reacting late 07:55 - Using the HELP model to understand behaviour 08:35 - Why safe walking routes can work better than stopping movement 09:00 - Final takeaway: stop asking “how do I stop it?” and ask “what need is there?”

Why listen to this episode?

This episode is especially useful if you support someone living with dementia and want to respond more effectively to pacing, restlessness or repeated requests to go home. It is also relevant for parents, teachers and support staff, because the wider principle applies beyond dementia care: repetitive behaviour often communicates stress, discomfort or unmet need. If you want a calmer, more person-centred way to understand behaviour, this conversation will give you practical tools you can start using straight away.

Resources mentioned:

• Able Training website: able-training.co.uk/podcast
• Andy Baker’s book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge - available via Able’s site and hub.
• Andy's & Meghan's book: The Adaptive Caregiver Model: Walking With, Not Ahead: A Practical Guide to Dementia Care That Adapts to the Person, Not the Diagnosis - available on amazon

Podcast: Able to Care Podcast

Able social media:

• Instagram: @AbleTraining
• LinkedIn: Able Training
• TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast
• YouTube: Able Training YouTube

If this episode helped you think differently about behaviour, please follow, share and leave a review so more carers, parents, teachers and support staff can find it.

It’s a phrase heard in classrooms, homes and care settings every day - often said with certainty. But what if that certainty is where we get it wrong?

In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker challenges one of the most common assumptions in parenting, teaching and caregiving: that lying is always a conscious choice. Instead, he explores a deeper perspective - that behaviour, including lying, is often a strategy to cope with fear, shame, stress or lack of skills.

Through a relatable school scenario and practical step-by-step guidance, Andy breaks down how our responses can either build honesty… or unintentionally teach children to hide. If you support children or vulnerable individuals, this episode will help you move from reaction to understanding - without losing boundaries.

00:00 – “He’s lying” - the assumption we rarely question 01:00 – Behaviour as a coping strategy 01:40 – The school scenario: caught with the evidence 02:00 – Certainty vs understanding 02:30 – The hidden assumption behind “lying” 03:00 – Confirmation bias and labelling 03:30 – A better question: what was the behaviour doing? 04:00 – Stress, needs and behaviour explained 05:00 – Why punishment can make lying worse 05:30 – The 5-step approach begins 05:40 – Step 1: De-escalate the identity attack 06:30 – Step 2: Separate facts from feelings 06:50 – Step 3: Teach a replacement behaviour 07:30 – Step 4: Focus on repair, not punishment 08:00 – Step 5: Reflect when calm 09:00 – Why children can’t learn in survival mode 09:30 – Applying this beyond children (adults & dementia) 10:30 – When lying is actually confusion or memory 11:00 – The key takeaway: test before you label 11:30 – The arm-folding exercise (habit vs awareness) 12:30 – Final reflections and practical application

• Behaviour is often a strategy, not a character flaw. What looks like lying may actually be a child trying to cope with fear, shame or overwhelm.
• Punishment without understanding can reinforce the behaviour. If lying protects a child from distress, punishment teaches them to hide it better - not change it.
• Connection and curiosity create lasting change. When we understand the “why” behind behaviour, we can teach better skills instead of reinforcing fear.

• You’re a parent, teacher or caregiver dealing with “lying” behaviours
• You want practical strategies that go beyond punishment
• You’re looking to balance boundaries with empathy
• You want to understand behaviour at a deeper, psychological level
• You’re supporting children, young people or vulnerable adults under stress

• Able Target System (ATS) – Practical framework for behaviour support
• Book: Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker

• Podcast: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast
• Website: https://www.able-training.co.uk
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport

If a child feels safer lying than telling the truth… what does that say about the environment they’re in?

What if the biggest shift in behaviour support isn’t about techniques… but about how we think?

In this solo episode, Andy Baker explores one of the most underrated skills in caregiving, education and parenting: intellectual humility. The ability to step back and question your assumptions can transform how you understand behaviour - whether it’s a child labelled “attention-seeking”, a student seen as “lazy”, or an adult perceived as “difficult”.

Through relatable stories and practical examples, Andy challenges the way we interpret behaviour, showing how labels can block connection, fuel confirmation bias, and escalate situations. Instead, he introduces a more effective approach built on curiosity, emotional awareness, and understanding the hidden reasons behind behaviour.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, frustrated, or unsure how to respond to behaviour that challenges - this episode will help you see things differently… and respond more effectively.

00:00 - Attention-seeking vs connection-seeking: why framing matters 00:35 - The most underrated skill: intellectual humility 01:00 - Why we misread behaviour (and overestimate our understanding) 01:30 - The “bouncing ball” story: behaviour makes sense in context 02:30 - Why past experiences shape present reactions 03:00 - How small moments can create lasting emotional impact 04:00 - Invalidation, shame, and why “it doesn’t matter” doesn’t help 04:30 - The power of curiosity in behaviour support 05:00 - Why caregivers lose curiosity under pressure 05:30 - The problem with labels like “lazy”, “liar”, or “manipulative” 06:00 - How labels fuel confirmation bias 07:00 - Why labels create disconnection 07:30 - A better question: “Why this, why now?” 08:30 - Fixing vs managing behaviour - knowing the difference 09:00 - Communication beyond words: tone, body language and presence 10:00 - Why calm is the most practical intervention 10:30 - How assumptions leak through your communication 10:50 - De-escalation through alignment and connection 11:30 - Connection before correction in practice 12:30 - Key takeaway: labels create lazy thinking 13:00 - Why curiosity leads to better care and stronger relationships 13:30 - Turning curiosity into consistent practice (Able Target System)

• Labels aren’t explanations - they’re shortcuts. They often oversimplify behaviour and reinforce confirmation bias, limiting your ability to see the full picture.

• Behaviour always makes sense… in context. What looks like an overreaction might be completely logical when you understand someone’s past experiences.

• Curiosity creates connection - and connection changes outcomes. Asking “why this, why now?” helps you respond more effectively while maintaining boundaries and dignity.

• You’ll rethink common behaviour labels like “attention-seeking”, “lazy”, or “manipulative”

• You’ll gain practical tools to reduce conflict and improve communication

• You’ll learn how to balance empathy with boundaries

• You’ll understand how your mindset directly impacts the people you support

• You’ll walk away with a clearer, calmer approach to behaviour that challenges

• The Able Target System – A structured approach to behaviour support, de-escalation, and reflection

• Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge – Andy Baker’s book

• The Adaptive Caregiver (coming soon) – A model focused on improving wellbeing and quality of life through adaptive support

• Website: https://www.able-training.co.uk/podcast

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-support

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingsupport

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletrainingsupport

If the behaviour makes no sense to you… is that about them - or about the limits of your current understanding?