If you want to know whether the boy can really learn, why can't you just ask?

Rabbi Klapper explains that when someone asks whether a potential chosson is a talmid chacham who knows how to learn, you should not answer. If the girl's side truly wants to know, the tools are in their own hands: the father can sit and learn with the boy himself, or send him to a trusted rav or talmid chacham to be tested. What 'talmid chacham' even means differs entirely depending on who's asking - every family's level is different. So it's their responsibility to check in a permitted way. And if they choose not to, that shows it isn't so important to them and they accept him as he is - which means you still may not reveal this information.

A subtle, practical halacha - listen in and come back tomorrow.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

When does staying silent about a shidduch become 'standing by your brother's blood'?

Rabbi Klapper covers two categories that must be shared in a shidduch. First, a serious hidden condition - a genetic or chronic disease, or someone internally weak and sickly - should be revealed, following all the rules of to'eles: know with complete clarity it's real, don't exaggerate, and keep the proper kavanah. Second, if one side leans toward apikorsus - not believing parts of the Torah, or being mevazeh talmidei chachamim - and you know it as fact, you must tell the other side. This falls under lo saamod al dam rei'echa, not standing by while your brother is endangered. Both must be fully verified with all the rules of to'eles, but both must be said.

Serious halachos handled with care - tune in and return tomorrow.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

Can a person's grandparents' sins be used to sink his shidduch?

Rabbi Klapper teaches that it is forbidden to embarrass someone over the deeds of their ancestors. If a person is a baal teshuvah - a wonderful person, a yerei Shamayim with fine midos - the fact that his parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents lived far from Torah is no reason to ruin his shidduch. In our generation, the Chofetz Chaim reminds us, baalei teshuvah are exceedingly chashuv. Putting someone down for what earlier generations did falls squarely into the category of lashon hara, and one may not speak about it.

A powerful reminder about judging people for who they are - listen in and come back tomorrow.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

Is it really worth being 'in with the in crowd' if the price is your own good midos?

Rabbi Klapper takes a side point from the discussion of judging others' midos: some people are quick-witted enough to cut someone down in a single sharp line, and those who won't join in get labeled dull or unintelligent. But often those 'quiet' people are simply refusing to take part in shtus and aveiros. The Chofetz Chaim warns how culture pulls good people into mocking others just to be popular and cool. Quoting Mesechta Eidus, he teaches it is better to be called a fool your whole life than to do one evil deed before Hashem. Choose your groups carefully - run from those who belittle others, and join those strong in avodas Hashem and midos tovos.

Listen and take this one to heart - see you tomorrow.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

What if the boy everyone calls 'not so sharp' simply refuses to waste his time on nonsense?

Continuing on shidduch information, Rabbi Klapper explains that when it comes to reporting on someone's midos, you have to weigh the perspective of the person telling you. The Chofetz Chaim gives a striking example: a boy who seems dull or unimpressive - not because he lacks intelligence, but because he won't sit around schmoozing and wasting time on ridiculous, non-halachic conversation. From the reporter's vantage point that reads as 'not sharp,' when in truth it reflects fine character. So before you accept a negative report, clarify who you're hearing it from and why they see the person the way they do; a person of wonderful midos can easily be misjudged.

Tune in to sharpen how you listen - more tomorrow.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

What do you do when a shidduch call catches you off guard and you're not sure what you're allowed to say?

Opening the final section of the Sefer Chofetz Chaim, Rabbi Klapper turns to the everyday world of shidduch information. The ideal, he explains, is to ask your rav your questions before the phone ever rings. But if a call surprises you and you genuinely need to ask a shailah, don't stall the caller mid-conversation by saying you need to check whether it's lashon hara - that itself is a form of avak lashon hara and gives the impression something is wrong. Instead simply say you're not available now and offer to call back, then ask your rav in the meantime. Certain things must be said and certain things may never be said - and when unsure, always clarify first.

Start here as we open the halachos of shidduchim - listen in and come back tomorrow.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

Should you push a friend into a partnership or shidduch you'd never touch yourself?

Rabbi Klapper closes with the opposite case: may you encourage someone to enter a partnership or a shidduch? It depends on what you know. If you're aware of something negative — something that would make you refuse the partnership or shidduch for yourself — then you should not encourage the interested party to get involved. There are situations where you may not tell someone about a shidduch already made; but actively urging a person into something you yourself would avoid because you know it's damaging is certainly something you must not do for anyone else.

That completes our journey through hilchos rechilus — thank you for learning along.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!

The partnership is already sealed — can you still warn Reuven that his partner is dishonest?

Rabbi Klapper asks what to do once the partnership is already made. It depends, says the Chofetz Chaim, on how Reuven will react. If you know Reuven is careful — that he won't break up the partnership without consulting a Rav and will guard against any loss — then, with the other rules of to'eles in place, it's proper to tell him. But if telling Reuven will make him explode in anger, start a fight, and dissolve the partnership on his own without going derech halacha, you may not reveal it. Even then, since we still want to spare Reuven the loss, any other way of protecting him should be used — ideally after speaking with a Rav.

Tomorrow: the opposite case — encouraging someone to join in.

Hosted by Rabbi Ari Klapper and produced by Eli Podcast Productions, this episode is part of the Real Judaism series, available on RealJudaism.org. Don't forget to subscribe and share to stay connected with our daily lessons and timeless Torah insights!