“You might feel worse before you feel better”. It sounds like a disclaimer, a therapist butt-covering exercise if you will. I used to think so too.

But after many years of doing trauma and EMDR therapy, I have learned that you can absolutely feel worse before you feel better. It is legit, but it does deserve some attention, because feeling worse and getting worse are not the same thing.

That distinction changes everything about how you interpret what's happening when trauma therapy gets difficult.

This episode covers:
• The difference between feeling worse and actually getting worse
• The dust on the mirror effect: what it is, why it happens, and why it's actually a good sign
• Why the worst thing you can do when therapy gets hard is stop
• What the research actually says about clinical deterioration from EMDR

If you've ever had a rough week after a therapy session and wondered whether you should keep going, listen to this.

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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

You don't have to be a perfect parent. But there is one thing that makes an enormous difference to what your child thinks about themselves, and it's not whether you lose your temper.

It's what you do after.

Young children can't separate what happens around them from what it means about them. When a rupture goes unaddressed, a child's brain doesn't file it under "mum was stressed." It files it somewhere far more personal.

Repeated enough, that filing system can shape how they move through the world as adults.

This episode covers:

• Why unaddressed conflict becomes the story a child tells about themselves, not about you

• What a genuine repair actually sounds like (and what it doesn't)

• Why the gap between rupture and repair is where the damage actually lives

• Why it's not too late if you're only hearing this now

If you've been losing sleep over the moments you got it wrong, those moments aren't the whole story. What comes next is.

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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

You've had the insight. Someone laid out a completely airtight case for why the belief you hold about yourself is wrong. You saw it, you agreed, it made total sense. And then absolutely nothing changed.

This is not a you problem.

It's actually a clue, and it's telling you something specific about what kind of belief you're dealing with. Because not all beliefs work the same way, and if you don't know which one you're up against, you can spend years doing the right work in the wrong place.

Some beliefs live in the body and the nervous system. Some live in the intellect. They formed differently, they feel different, and they need completely different things to shift. Throwing logic at a trauma-encoded belief is like trying to argue someone out of a panic attack (completely useless, FYI).

This episode covers:

• Why you can have perfect insight and still feel exactly the same, and what that's actually telling you

• The difference between trauma encoded beliefs and learned worldview beliefs

• Why some people can do 50 sessions of therapy, understand everything, and still feel like their irrational beliefs are true

• How to tell which layer you're working with

• Why the gap between knowing and feeling isn't a flaw in your thinking, it's diagnostic information

If you've ever wondered why you keep arriving at the same realisation without anything actually shifting, listen now.

Get The Reality Audit Here — a free resource listing the most common distorted beliefs from dysfunctional environments, with the accurate version alongside each one. https://www.helenbillows.com/the-reality-audit

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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

Do you have a chronic case of the guilts? You're probably carrying more than your share.

Most people assume responsibility is simple: either it's your fault or it isn't. But that binary rarely gets you to the truth. It distorts what actually happened and creates guilt that was never yours to carry.

This episode covers:

• Why feeling responsible isn't the same as being responsible
• How the Responsibility Pie works and how to use it
• Why chronic guilt is often a sign you're carrying slices that were never yours
• Why accurate responsibility matters — for your relationships and your self-respect

If guilt is your default setting, listen now.

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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

You've heard it. You've probably said it. "I didn't mean it like that."

And maybe that's true. But it doesn't matter as much as you think it does.

This episode unpacks one of the most common damaging patterns in relationships — confusing intention, outcome and responsibility. Good intentions don't erase harm. They don't replace an apology. And when "I didn't mean it" becomes the default response to someone's hurt, it stops being a clarification and starts being a dismissal.

This episode builds on the previous one. If you haven't listened to that yet, start there.

This episode covers:

• Why good intentions and real harm can both be true at the same time
• How "I didn't mean it" becomes a way of avoiding accountability
• What a genuine apology actually requires — and why most don't clear the bar
• Why the impact of your actions is your responsibility, regardless of your intent

If you've ever had your hurt dismissed because someone "didn't mean it" — or done the dismissing yourself — listen now.

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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

You've seen it everywhere. On social media, in the comments, maybe even from people who should probably know better. "Hurt people hurt people."

The intention behind it isn't wrong, but somewhere along the way it became a get-out-of-jail-free card. And that's where Helen has a problem with it.

Understanding someone's pain and excusing their behaviour are not the same thing — and conflating them causes real harm. This episode makes the case that accountability isn't the opposite of compassion. It's actually part of it.

This episode covers:

• Why empathy and accountability aren't in competition
• How "hurt people hurt people" gets used to avoid consequences
• What it actually looks like to hold both compassion and responsibility at the same time
• Why letting people off the hook isn't kindness — for them or for you

If you've ever felt guilty for being hurt by someone who was also hurting, listen now.

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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

You've heard of EMDR. Maybe your therapist mentioned it, maybe you're on a waitlist for it, maybe you keep seeing it online and wondering if it's actually legit or another wellness trend with good branding.

This episode is the honest, no-shortcuts explanation you've been looking for.

Helen Billows — registered psychologist, EMDR therapist, and EMDR consultant — breaks down what EMDR actually is, how it works neurologically, and what happens in the room during a session. She covers the Adaptive Information Processing model, why trauma memories get stuck in the first place, and what a processed memory actually feels like from the inside.

No finger-waggling mysticism. A clear, evidence-based explanation from someone who does this for a full-time job.

If you're considering EMDR, currently in it, or tired of not understanding what people mean when they talk about trauma processing — start here.

🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube
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Follow Helen: @helenbillows | @thetraumanerd

Some people knit. Helen reads trauma research for funsies.
And now you get the good bits, without spending your nights googling.

The Trauma Nerd podcast is where evidence-based psychology meets the real-world experience of trauma, EMDR, and what actually happens inside the therapy room. Hosted by psychologist and EMDR consultant Helen Billows, this show turns complex concepts into warm, clear, “finally-makes-sense” conversations.

Expect episodes under 30 minutes, grounded in science but never boring.
Just smart psychology made simple, with care, context, and a healthy sense of humour.

If you’re craving trauma education that feels human, real, and actually enjoyable, hit follow and join us!