Showing results by narrator "Arte Johnson" in All Categories

Now is not the time to start that fitness program! Instead, laugh along with humorist Dave Barry as he debunks, demotivates, and delights on the subject of fitness. Hear his inimitable views on exercise ("the best time would be the first thing after Easter, but not the one coming up"), weights ("big-time lifters have turned into 400-pound hairy sweaty shapeless grunting masses of tissue. And the men are even worse"), and much more.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Drawing upon everyday incidents, common situations, and rural imagery, Robert Frost fashioned poetry of great lyrical beauty and potent symbolism. His language is simple, clear, and colloquial, yet dense with meaning and wider significance.

Since Dave Barry writes about weird things, you might be tempted to think he has a weird brain. He does, of course, but that's not the whole explanation: A lot of the things he writes about—exploding Pop-Tarts, for example—are real. Join Dave as he examines UFO thrill-seekers and Elvis-worshippers, runs for president, and plays Claptonesque guitar in the world's most literary band that includes Stephen King (The Rock-Bottom Remainders). 

Without bothering to get approval from the President, the State Department, or even the FTC, Dave Barry's publishers sent him to Tokyo. You'd think they would have known better. Now the word is Barry has set back our diplomatic relations with the whole Pacific Rim by a couple of decades. Japanese culture, dining, sport, and industry all come under Barry's relentless scrutiny.

Better than CliffsNotes, funnier than Monarch Notes, and shorter than the originals - here is a collection of all the best sellers you've heard about! Includes: "The Fridges of Marin County": a hip California housewife finds brief happiness in the arms of an Iowa refrigerator; "Embarrassed by the Light": a guide for people who are self-conscious about near-death experiences; "Iron Tom": help your neutered cat regain his masculinity; and more!

Much of Richard Matheson's work has found its way into pop culture: The title story became a memorable episode of television's The Twilight Zone, and more recently, Will Smith starred in the blockbuster movie I Am Legend. Stephen King has declared Matheson to be one of his favorite writers. Find out why as you listen to the classic horror story of a man who peers out of his airplane window to see a gremlin destroying the wing.

Tupperware ladies, eighties people, and leisure concept salesmen beware: Dave Barry is on the loose and no one is safe! In this collection of eighty essays, the inimitable columnist observes everything that makes America the unique, special place you've grown to love: taxes, toilets, airbags, baseball, beer commercials, and numerous other American artifacts. 

In a not-too-distant future that is not quite ours, there has been a major scientific breakthrough. It is a way to open windows into the past, permitting historical researchers to view, but not participate, in the events of the past.

In one of the most powerful and thought-provoking novels of his remarkable career, Orson Scott Card interweaves a compelling portrait of Christopher Columbus with the story of a future scientist who believes she can alter human history from a tragedy of bloodshed and brutality to a world filled with hope and healing.

Drawing upon everyday incidents, common situations, and rural imagery, Robert Frost fashioned poetry of great lyrical beauty and potent symbolism. His language is simple, clear, and colloquial, yet dense with meaning and wider significance. This brilliant collection features some of Frost's greatest works, including "The Road Not Taken," "Asking for Roses," "The Death of the Hired Man," "In the Home Stretch," "Into My Own," "Meeting and Passing," "Mending Wall," and more. 

Dave Barry exposes natural childbirth for what it is: a pop phenomenon of the 1960's that, along with paisley bell-bottoms and creative sideburns, deserves a rest. His new book gives parents-to-be the hard facts they need. He examines the new federal law requiring prospective fathers to free themselves from their self-made macho prison - to laugh, cry, love and just generally behave like certified wimps.

From the grand old man of comedy, George Burns to the up-to-the minute observations of today's everyman, Dave Barry, these great humorists share one thing in common: their very individual, often raucously funny perception of the world around them. Laugh and enjoy!

In More of the 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said, Ross and Kathryn Petras continue their connoisseur's compendium of awkward utterances, slips of the tongue, doubletalk, and just plain stupid statements from politicians, celebrities, sports figures, social leaders and average joes.

In October 1872, the fastidious Phileas Fogg—a British gentleman who rarely ventures outside the comforts of home or his beloved club—bets his compatriots that he can travel around the entire world in just eighty days. With his newly hired valet, Passepartout, as his traveling companion, Fogg embarks on a wild journey, traversing the continents. He is determined not to lose the bet, no matter what obstacles arise—and they do arise—in this classic tale of adventure and romance!

Intrigue, crime, and murder create suspense in this edge-of-your-seat collection of cat mystery stories whose plots are all centered on a beloved feline, written by some of the finest, best-selling mystery writers of all time.

Guy de Maupassant was a master of the short-story genre, producing more than 300 during his lifetime. These concise stories contain twists and shocking turns, and range from the fantastic and supernatural, with characters descending into madness....

A collection of coast-to-coast murder and mayham, including these unabridged short stories: "Vaudeville" by Whitley Strieber, read by Roddy McDowell; "Lucky Day" by Mary Higgins Clark, read by Betsy Palmer; "Starstruck" by Jon A. Breen, read by James Stacy; "Snookered" by Gerald Tomlinson, read by David Birney; "It Was Bad Enough" by Ron Goulart, read by Arte Johnson and Gee Whiz; "My Lovely" by Betty Buchanan, read by Joan Rivers. 

The stories for this annual collection of the Mystery Writers of America were selected for their strange and exotic locales. Breathtaking suspense, cold-blooded crime, and challenging twists - set in the four corners of the world - make this recording a chilling audio experience. We suggest you listen with the lights on!

Harry Beltway, idealistic young conservative and grandson of a famous evangelist, has just come back from a two-years tour as a missionary when he is persuaded to join the campaign staff of Tim Duncannon, an arch-conservative television commentator who has set his sights on the Republican nomination for presidency so that he can build a barbed wire fence around America.

The Three Little Pigs and the Perils of Subsidized Housing, Cinderella and the Glass Ceiling, Hillary the Snow Queen - these rehabilitated "classics" and many more would be required bedtime reading under the regime of President Gingrich, or "Uncle Newt," as he likes his little pals to call him. Yes, all the orphans at the new Boy's Town, their bellies full of ketchup, will be enraptured by these GOP fairy tales celebrating the Contract with America and cautioning youngsters about the evil Welfare State of long ago. These bedtime stories could keep you awake all night. Narrator Arte Johnson won an Emmy for his work on the classic TV show, Laugh-In.

Blackstone Audio presents An American Family Shakespeare Entertainment: Based on Charles & Mary Lamb's 20 Tales From Shakespeare, augmented by miscellaneous scenes and soliloquies from Shakespeare's plays, featuring Elizabethan songs and dances in new arrangements for stringed instruments.